Posted by yogamouse on February 23, 2005, at 16:37:36
In reply to Thanks for the feedback » yogamouse, posted by Chris O on February 21, 2005, at 17:33:04
hi chris,
i'm glad you got my message. i really think that you'd find The Art of Sexual Ecstasy helpful. (it definitely wouldn't contradict any christian teachings you may have received, either, in case you're wondering.) but regardless, i also recommend looking up the dopamine/prolactin cycle online, or where ever. dopamine spikes at orgasm then disappears dramatically as prolactin spikes immediately afterwards. most people have heard of dopamine -- it's the craving chemical. we think we like drugs, or sex, or ice cream or gambling, but what we really like is dopamine. too much dopamine is dangerous, however (psychosis inducing, in fact), so we have a built in failsafe, called prolactin, that makes us feel crappy (in order to prevent us from humping ourselves to death, for example). in some people the effects of a prolactin spike after orgasm can last for weeks, but in most of us it lasts for an hour or two.
this cycle happens in mentally healthy people and, they say, is responsible for a lot of malcontent and infidelity in relationships as our lizard brain (our most basic, instinctual, subconscious) begins to associate the feeling of being ill at ease with our partner and his/her behaviour (or mere existence). we then either sit in misery, or begin to spot greener pastures elsewhere. the way around this, apparently, is more cuddling and fewer orgasms. there is another chemical, i forget the name, released by cuddling, which is very bonding, and the expression of sexual love without the regular highs and lows of the dopamine/prolactin cycle is also very healing emotionally and spiritually (because what feels more spiritual than a sense of loving connection and supportiveness?).
if there are emotional issues between you and your partner that prevent this sort of intimacy, then you need to address them. if they are unaddressable, then perhaps it's time to rethink things? i don't know anything about it...
also, what i'm thinking is, if you don't mind me saying so, perhaps your complicated relationship to sexuality in general (you mentioned shame, etc.) becomes the target for your prolactin lows after orgasm, along with a sense of alienation from your partner, with whom, it sounds, you need to renew your connection to.
these highs and lows happen in mentally healthy people, as i mentioned. it wouldn't surprise me to hear that they are amplified in people who already have dopamine/seratonin issues (you mentioned taking SSRI's).
(and this is why i brought up diet as a way to if not cure, then at least not worsen, existing chemical issues.)
anyway, there is more information on the chemistry of sex and the benefits of fewer orgasms at this interesting site: http://www.reuniting.info/GBscience.htm i recommend checking out the whole site, but especially the links under "science" "the coolidge effect" and "why does a lover pull away after sex?"
good luck!
poster:yogamouse
thread:446901
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/health/20050105/msgs/462357.html