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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dena on March 6, 2003, at 14:03:51
Miller -
After getting back from being blocked, I notice that you haven't been posting. Are you OK? We haven't communicated since the first time when I blew it, and then you accepted my apology.
I've been thinking about you, & I've prayed for you. I've prayed that God would comfort you with perfect peace & that you would come to see yourself as He sees you (as a beloved child).
You wrote in the past about having done some things that you considered terrible (& perhaps you thought were unforgiveable?). I understand. I've been cruel to people in my life. And so, I will also pray that you will be brought into forgiveness, and that you'll be able to forgive yourself. I would wish for you to be secure in your relationship with God, that you would awaken each day knowing He loves you, & that He wants you to have a purposeful, fulfilling life. I would wish that you would know you are valuable, that you are not an accident, that God has a plan for you, & that your life is important because you are meant to touch others who have suffered as you have suffered.
I will continue to pray these things for you.
Shalom, Dena
Posted by Miller on March 6, 2003, at 15:25:55
In reply to Miller - How are you? Are you OK?, posted by Dena on March 6, 2003, at 14:03:51
Thank you so much for your concern. More than that, thank you for your prayers. I am going through (yet another) rough time. I have tried praying. I may not be good enough yet. I don't feel like my prayers are being heard. Maybe they are, but ...
I hope you are finding what you are looking for in this site. There are so many good people here. I read that you are limiting your time online for Lent. That is very admirable. However, if the site is helping you, don't cut yourself short.
I am wishing you well. For now and always.
-Miller
Posted by Dena on March 6, 2003, at 16:19:09
In reply to Dena, posted by Miller on March 6, 2003, at 15:25:55
Miller -
It's so nice to hear from you! I'm so sorry you're having a rough time. There's so much suffering going on. I wish sometimes that God would open up our eyes to the spiritual realm so that we could see the potential good that our suffering could bring about.
I meant what I said about your suffering not being wasted - God can use you to help others who suffer in the same way - He doesn't waste anything; He redeems everything.
How, specifically, can I pray for you? I know general prayers can be effective, but I'd like to be able to bless you more directly. The Bible says, "You have not, because you ask not." I'm trying to really put that verse to heart this season of Lent. Sometimes, when I've been so down that I can't even think straight, much less pray, others have prayed on my behalf, & God listened. I've been told that part of my own healing will come as I reach outside of myself & focus on others (the last thing I FEEL like doing when I'm down). So, I'm reaching out to you because God has laid you on my heart. I'm sincere when I say that I want to focus on praying for you. The more specific you can be about your needs, the more you and I will know that God heard & answered. Then both your faith & my own will be built up. I believe that God wants to bless both of us through this.
I look forward to your reply.
Shalom, Dena
Posted by Miller on March 6, 2003, at 20:01:41
In reply to Re: Dena, posted by Dena on March 6, 2003, at 16:19:09
Dena,
You can really touch my heart. It is ironic because tonight I went to a church and prayed for a really long time. The church isn't open in the evenings, but there is a man who works in the rectory that lets me in. What a nice guy.
Right now I feel like I need some Divine assistance with three areas. The first is with my Faith. It is a sad reality that I believe in God and Faith until my life starts to crumble and then my old habits of being unworthy start to act up. So, a prayer for a stronger Faith may help.
The next thing I need help with is honesty. Not just telling the truth, but pure uncensored honesty. I have a hard time being honest with myself regarding feelings and emotions. In turn, it has made it extremely difficult for people to help me. So, if I can find the strength to face and tell the honesty, I would be able to receive as well as give myself. Without being honest, there is no me to give.
And finally, I need strength to be able to handle whatever the future holds for me. I don't want to consider suicide again. However, when things get tough, that's all I see. If my life is meant to live without my husband, I need strength to mourn the lost love. If I can finally learn to speak the truth, I will need strength to mourn the true past. If I am to continue with my life and to improve, I need strength to commit myself fully to doing so.
I know I ask a lot, huh? But, maybe you are right. With both of us praying, we may have a good chance of our prayers being answered.
And Dena, I am praying that you will remain such a strong suuport to yourself as well as others.
Thank you in advance for the blessings.
-Miller (Jyl)
Posted by Dena on March 6, 2003, at 22:47:35
In reply to Sweet Dena, posted by Miller on March 6, 2003, at 20:01:41
Miller (Jyl) (I like your name!):
thank you for trusting me with your prayer needs. I spent some more time praying for you tonight, after I tucked my children in. Only, they didn't all stay tucked in & began wandering about...the only quiet place I could find to crawl away into was the bathroom - but I know God hears me even from the "porcelain throne" - lol!
I'm glad you found your own private sanctuary tonight in that church. I'll be praying that God will give you His gift of faith. Faith is like a living thing, like a muscle. When we first begin to exercize it, it feels weak, strange & unfamiliar. As we take baby steps in faith, acting on whatever tiny measure of faith we can find, then faith grows, just as a muscle gains strength when it's used. Be patient & gentle with yourself.
Regarding being honest with yourself, I understand completely. I developed a serviceable external "persona" in my younger years, in order to cope with a difficult family life. My persona is strong, capable & stoic. It doesn't get hurt. It doesn't feel pain. It keeps out all the bad feelings. But it's also kept out all the good feelings. I guess I learned early on that to survive, I had to squelch feelings & be "in control". So, now, as an adult who's no longer in that unsafe environment, I can't seem to access those feelings. Does this relate to what you were describing, or have I gone off onto a self-absorbed rabbit trail? I'll pray that God will restore us to the emotionally-free women we were designed to be. Would you be willing to pray for me about this too?
About your third request - to help me better understand, can you tell me how you've lost your husband? Divorce? Death? Perhaps it doesn't matter, but maybe knowing more about the loss will help me to focus my prayers for you. You wrote: "If I can finally learn to speak the truth, I will need strength to mourn the true past. If I am to continue with my life and to improve, I need strength to commit myself fully to doing so." This sounds very deep and personal. I feel as if I'm being allowed to peek into your soul. Can you elaborate a bit, so that I can understand better? If you don't feel free to elaborate, it's ok. I can still pray, knowing that God knows all the details.
Before I go tonight, I want to share a scripture from the Bible with you. It's one of my favorites.
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD , "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."May God sink these words deep into your heart, that He would plant a seed of hope that would grow & flourish, that would sustain you.
Lord God, right now I ask that you would touch Miller, right where she is. That she would sense your presence & be filled with Your hope and Your peace. I ask this in Jesus' name. Amen.
Good night, Miller (Jyl)
Posted by Miller on March 7, 2003, at 0:40:06
In reply to Re: Sweet Dena, posted by Dena on March 6, 2003, at 22:47:35
Dena,
"So, now, as an adult who's no longer in that unsafe environment, I can't seem to access those feelings. Does this relate to what you were describing, or have I gone off onto a self-absorbed rabbit trail? "
You are not off track on this. I think maybe the feelings I denied as a child, young adult, and even now have turned into negative emotions. I can't seem to let myself access positive emotions or beliefs. Maybe that's why I get suicidal at times.
"can you tell me how you've lost your husband?"
Sorry. I forget that some people don't read each board. My husband and I ahve been having problems for quite a while. He is now on the verge of tossing in the towel. A couple of days ago he told me if he gets a job offer out of state, he will not ask me to go. He is saying that he doesn't know if he can handle my depression because of the suicide attempts. I feel as if our lives are about to separate. I truly love him. However, I now feel he is using my depression as an excuse. I think he forgets he was feeling the same way before my suicide attempts.
"I'll pray that God will restore us to the emotionally-free women we were designed to be. Would you be willing to pray for me about this too?"
Yes, Dena, of course. I believe all of us need some support to help achieve joy. I don't believe any of us will ever be "emotionally free" but I think there is a point when emotions become more of an understanding than a struggle. That's the point you and I need to get to. Of course I will pray for you.
Thank you so much for helping me in my struggles, Dena.
-Jyl
Posted by Dena on March 7, 2003, at 15:11:44
In reply to Re: Sweet Dena, posted by Miller on March 7, 2003, at 0:40:06
Hi Jyl (I just love the way you spell your name),
I think you're right about the suppressed emotions. Once it was a survival tactic, now it's backfired. Many times, not only do I not feel the postive feelings, but I don't get the negative emotions either - I can end up simply numb. I'd rather feel sadness or pain than numbness. Before I was healed of bulimia, I would "create a crisis" just to feel SOMETHING rather than nothing at all. While I could focus on bingeing & then purging, I could get caught up in the excitement & then the remorse of the moment. Now that I'm no longer bulimic, I usually just feel emotionally disconnected from others, as if I'm on the outside, looking in. It's not all the time, & I can see how I've been slowly getting better at connecting over time. I believe that God's at work behind the scenes. I know that when I choose to focus on others, then I feel better, because I'm not thinking about myself & how I do or don't feel. The hard part for me is to stop looking in, & to look outward. That's why I'm asking (daily) for God to override my will & make me love Him first, others second, and myself last. I think He's already starting to do this, because after I prayed this prayer the other night, He brought you to my mind. I wasn't even thinking about this PBF board - you just popped into my head, & I felt a warm sense of compassion (not pity, but empathy) & a desire to reach out. This isn't my normal nature. So I can only believe that He's answering my prayer. This tells me that He obviously cares for you, because He laid you on my heart right as I was asking Him to enable me to love others better. I think it's so cool how He connects people in seemingly "coincidental" ways... I've heard it said that Coincidence is God's middle name (don't ask me what His last name is - I have no idea, lol!).
I'm so sorry to hear about your marriage being in trouble! I can only imagine the pain you're in because of it. I'll be praying for your marriage to be healed as well. God specializes in raising the dead to life. So if your marriage is "dead", I pray He will bring it new life.
My own marriage needs prayer. After living for 16 years with an addictive spouse, my husband doesn't quite know what to do for the past two years, now that he can't blame everything on me. He truly believed that I was the source of all our problems. We got married before we could become friends - it was just physical attraction, coupled with my need to be rescued & his need to be a "savior". Now that the dynamics have changed, it's so painful! Lots of arguments, misunderstandings, not liking each other, yuck-yuck-yuck! At times, it looks pretty dead to me. We're both commited 'til we die, but we'd like to have a healthy, enjoyable, affirming relationship, & we just don't know how to make it happen. We're trusting God with transforming this marriage, but God's ways are painful - like a surgeon with a knife! He's got to cut out the diseased parts of us & it hurts! I'm always so tempted to say, "Stop! I'll stick with the pain I'm already comfortable with, rather than this new pain!" Again, this is where faith & trust come in for me. Trusting that He knows what's best for me (because I sure don't), & even if it feels like it's killing me, trusting that I need to go through it to become more healthy. Easier said than done, & I seem to have to learn the hard way...sigh.
Lord God, I ask you in Your mercy to do a healing work in Jyl's marriage. I ask you to draw their hearts together & to renew their commitment to each other. I ask that You do in the supernatural what can't be done in the natural. And I thank You that You're in charge & that You listen to our prayers. Please comfort Jyl during this time of great stress & pain. Enable her to trust You while You work on her behalf.
In Jesus' name, Amen.Shalom, Dena
Posted by Dena on March 8, 2003, at 22:20:21
In reply to Re: Sweet Dena » Miller, posted by Dena on March 7, 2003, at 15:11:44
Hi Jyl Miller -
While I was praying for you today (& it's funny how I'm praying the same prayers for me too), I thought of a ministry that I mentioned before that helped me become free from bulimia. I don't know if you checked it out before, but since the thought popped into my mind while I was praying, I thought maybe I should pass it along to you. it's called Theophostic mnistry (Theo = God, & phostic = light). Basically, it's about having God replace the lies we believe in with His truth. Usually the lies go back to childhood (like, "I'm stupid", "There's something wrong with me", "I'm unworthy of love") & they feel true because we've believed them for so long. And even though we know better as adults, the belief resides deep in a memory that needs healing. Anyway, if you're interested, it's "www.theophostic.com" (I hope I'm doing this link correctly).
Take care.
Shalom, Dena
Posted by Miller on March 10, 2003, at 16:30:07
In reply to Re: Sweet Dena, posted by Dena on March 8, 2003, at 22:20:21
Dena,
Actually, I did check out the website when you first posted it. I thank you very much for the information.
I was confirmed a Methodist but have been practicing more as a Catholic. I am considering converting, but I will wait on such a decision.
I, too, have been praying for you Dena. I hope things are going well.
-Miller
Posted by Dena on March 10, 2003, at 20:12:43
In reply to Re: Sweet Dena » Dena, posted by Miller on March 10, 2003, at 16:30:07
Hi (Jyl) Miller (I feel like I'm whispering your first name!)
Thanks so much for your prayers for me. It seems that God keeps sending people to me so that I can reach out to them & take a mini-vacation from focusing on myself.
I missed one opportunity though. I had met some women at a coffee shop last Friday. As we were getting ready to leave, an elderly woman entered the shop & approached us. She was lost & asked for directions to a doctor's office. I knew where the office was (it was my own doctor) & I tried to describe to her how to get there. I could tell, however, that she just wasn't getting it, & she kept saying she was so bad with directions. I had a still, small thought, "Let her follow you. Take her there." But I pushed that thought away, because I wanted to go into a loal store before heading home. I tried again to explain the directions to her, & then "handed her over" to another woman, & headed for the store. Well, the store was sold out of what I wanted, & I kept thinking about that woman. I drove past the coffee shop again, but she had left. I headed home in a different direction, trying to find a short cut. I found myself at a light, looking straight at the doctor's office that she had been trying to find! I knew that I knew that God had wanted me to put my own agenda aside & help that woman. I knew I'd missed an opportunity to be obedient & to bless someone else. I've even wondered if she was an angel in disguise...
Interesting about you thinking of becoming Catholic. I was raised Protestant, but have been learning about the roots of Christianity, & I've been studying the Catholic church, myself. I'll share a website that's been helpful to me: "catholicoutlook.com" I love what the Church Fathers have to say.
Gotta go -
Shalom, Dena
Posted by Dr. Bob on March 11, 2003, at 8:27:14
In reply to Re: Sweet Dena, posted by Dena on March 8, 2003, at 22:20:21
> Anyway, if you're interested, it's "www.theophostic.com" (I hope I'm doing this link correctly).
Sorry, I know it can be confusing, but the double double quotes are for books. For web sites, just include the "http://";.
Bob
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