Posted by Dena on March 7, 2003, at 15:11:44
In reply to Re: Sweet Dena, posted by Miller on March 7, 2003, at 0:40:06
Hi Jyl (I just love the way you spell your name),
I think you're right about the suppressed emotions. Once it was a survival tactic, now it's backfired. Many times, not only do I not feel the postive feelings, but I don't get the negative emotions either - I can end up simply numb. I'd rather feel sadness or pain than numbness. Before I was healed of bulimia, I would "create a crisis" just to feel SOMETHING rather than nothing at all. While I could focus on bingeing & then purging, I could get caught up in the excitement & then the remorse of the moment. Now that I'm no longer bulimic, I usually just feel emotionally disconnected from others, as if I'm on the outside, looking in. It's not all the time, & I can see how I've been slowly getting better at connecting over time. I believe that God's at work behind the scenes. I know that when I choose to focus on others, then I feel better, because I'm not thinking about myself & how I do or don't feel. The hard part for me is to stop looking in, & to look outward. That's why I'm asking (daily) for God to override my will & make me love Him first, others second, and myself last. I think He's already starting to do this, because after I prayed this prayer the other night, He brought you to my mind. I wasn't even thinking about this PBF board - you just popped into my head, & I felt a warm sense of compassion (not pity, but empathy) & a desire to reach out. This isn't my normal nature. So I can only believe that He's answering my prayer. This tells me that He obviously cares for you, because He laid you on my heart right as I was asking Him to enable me to love others better. I think it's so cool how He connects people in seemingly "coincidental" ways... I've heard it said that Coincidence is God's middle name (don't ask me what His last name is - I have no idea, lol!).
I'm so sorry to hear about your marriage being in trouble! I can only imagine the pain you're in because of it. I'll be praying for your marriage to be healed as well. God specializes in raising the dead to life. So if your marriage is "dead", I pray He will bring it new life.
My own marriage needs prayer. After living for 16 years with an addictive spouse, my husband doesn't quite know what to do for the past two years, now that he can't blame everything on me. He truly believed that I was the source of all our problems. We got married before we could become friends - it was just physical attraction, coupled with my need to be rescued & his need to be a "savior". Now that the dynamics have changed, it's so painful! Lots of arguments, misunderstandings, not liking each other, yuck-yuck-yuck! At times, it looks pretty dead to me. We're both commited 'til we die, but we'd like to have a healthy, enjoyable, affirming relationship, & we just don't know how to make it happen. We're trusting God with transforming this marriage, but God's ways are painful - like a surgeon with a knife! He's got to cut out the diseased parts of us & it hurts! I'm always so tempted to say, "Stop! I'll stick with the pain I'm already comfortable with, rather than this new pain!" Again, this is where faith & trust come in for me. Trusting that He knows what's best for me (because I sure don't), & even if it feels like it's killing me, trusting that I need to go through it to become more healthy. Easier said than done, & I seem to have to learn the hard way...sigh.
Lord God, I ask you in Your mercy to do a healing work in Jyl's marriage. I ask you to draw their hearts together & to renew their commitment to each other. I ask that You do in the supernatural what can't be done in the natural. And I thank You that You're in charge & that You listen to our prayers. Please comfort Jyl during this time of great stress & pain. Enable her to trust You while You work on her behalf.
In Jesus' name, Amen.Shalom, Dena
poster:Dena
thread:206510
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faith/20021227/msgs/206881.html