![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by ElaineM on November 21, 2006, at 13:34:49
I guess everyone now knows that I have a short history of anorexia. Ever since the first time I recovered I get very anxious when my weight starts dropping. The first time I went down, each lost pound felt like a gold medal - brought so much strength and comfort to me. But ever since that first round of recovery I get only fear. I guess cause I know that forcing weight-loss is traumatic to most bodies. And cause I'm still dealing with the permanent damage I inflicted those years. And cause I know it's silly to work so much at losing weight - I mean, when it comes down to it, it is. I guess I fear relapses.
But I've been ill the past year, and now an additional problem has been added on top (resulting in my first trips back to ERs for myself, since I was terribly emaciated). But also, my first times back in hospitals since nursing two relatives last year as they died, and visiting another one as it happened to her this past spring.
I guess I just wanted to know if anyone else gets frightened when they lose weight again. Maybe it's cause I've never been obviously ill while my weight was going down before (ED side effects aside). Maybe since the weight loss is out of my control right now, I see it as a sign of sickness, even more than when it was "only" a sign of mental illness. I don't know. All I know is that I've lost a fair amount of weight in the past month or so and am terrified by that. But I'm afraid to mention it to docs cause I don't want them to think it's just a relapse of sorts (though, don't worry, I'm still "too heavy" to be considered anorexic). I'm afraid that, once again, my psychiatric history will negate something else I'm going through in the present. I think I want to be healthy so badly that any additional signs that I'm not, are becoming too much to tolerate.
The only thing that's come of this, is that I guess this is proof against my T's idea that losing weight could improve my health. I didn't even get to give that plan a shot before all this happened first. At least I know now that being at a higher weight likely did nothing to exacerabate this other illness that came to me a year ago. Did it cause it? I don't think I can ever know for sure, but now, I really doubt it.
I'm really scared :( Am I crazy, or does anyone else get freaked out when your weight drops?
blove EL :(
Posted by Racer on November 21, 2006, at 18:26:52
In reply to Anyone scared when losing weight?, posted by ElaineM on November 21, 2006, at 13:34:49
Yes. And no. But that's only because I'm crazy ;-)
Maybe because I never had any treatment for this before, but at the start of each episode, when I knew my weight was getting towards my danger zone, I would get excited and start working to lose more. (Hm... Reading that, it sounds to me as though maybe my true danger zone is higher than I'd thought? Maybe by the time I get into what I thought was the danger zone, I'm already into the disorder? Something to think about...) So, in that sense, I didn't get scared by losing weight.
On the other hand, when I'm in a high enough weight range, I know that I can't try to lose weight, and that it's a very bad thing for me to lose weight. (Which is a really tough position to be in, since people will sometimes tell me I need to lose weight, or offer to help me lose weight. They mean well, but even after I tell them that I have a history of AN and CAN'T diet, they still tell me it's OK and they can help me do it in a healthy way. {sigh} People don't seem to get it, you know?) In those times, I still hate my huge body, and have a lot of trouble with that side of it, but I do know not to try to do anything about it, and I don't. Episodes have never been triggered by voluntary dieting for me, they've always started when I've lost weight for other reasons -- and then keep going.
So, I think I can empathize with you, but I don't experience quite the same thing. I'm very sorry you're having this problem, though, and hope things get better soon.
Have you tried telling your doctor that you're worried about your weight loss, AND worried that he'll think it's AN rather than something "real?" Maybe if you bring it up and include that part he'll be more receptive? If you do that, do report on it, OK? And good luck to you.
Posted by adrift on November 21, 2006, at 20:16:47
In reply to Anyone scared when losing weight?, posted by ElaineM on November 21, 2006, at 13:34:49
Yes, I get worried as well. Even though Im not happy with my current weight, when I see that I have dropped weight I get scared that I am getting back into a returning unhealthy cycle. I think the fear even though it freaks you out, might also help keep you healthy. Hang in there
(((Elaine)))
Posted by ElaineM on November 22, 2006, at 21:37:21
In reply to Re: Anyone scared when losing weight?, posted by Racer on November 21, 2006, at 18:26:52
>>>>>but at the start of each episode, when I knew my weight was getting towards my danger zone, I would get excited and start working to lose more.
No, that does happen too. The fear and the sadness come in at the beginning, and then right at the end while I'm waiting to get into treatment. Dropping past an old plateau (during the middle, or late-middle of a relapse) is usually....pleasing (for lack of a better word) THough there was always lingering fear -- I guess "a knowing" of the havoc that my ED puts my body through.
>>>>People don't seem to get it, you know?
Completely. I guess you can relate to how hard it was for me to have my T suggest weight-loss to me.
>>>>>Episodes have never been triggered by voluntary dieting for me, they've always started when I've lost weight for other reasons -- and then keep going.
See, it's always been a result of dieting for me. THis is the first time I've ever lost weight from being ill. Though this is also the first time I've ever been this immediately sick before. With the AN it was more like permanent after-effects. I just get so terribly upset cause I've never lost weight involuntarily before. It's soooo scary. There's nothing good-feeling about it. It's kind of a disorienting feeling to be as scared as I am of what's happening now. It's a different kind of fear then AN relapses. I guess just cause it's completely out of my control right now. T is a bit concerned, which is just confusing the sh*t out of me right now. But I guess he wanted the weight to come off through dieting and exercise, and now he see's how poor my health is. I rarely make it to T now anyways. He hates that too.
>>>>>Have you tried telling your doctor that you're worried about your weight loss, AND worried that he'll think it's AN rather than something "real?"
No, I haven't said both things at once. I just got the gutts to mention the weight loss to my specialist and he kinda rolled his eyes. I kinda expected that though cause he had in my file that I was anorexic before (and all my stats). I want to be respected and trusted by docs (well, by everyone, but especially docs now that I'm desperate to get help) so much.
I have an appointment with "Full-Disclosure Doc" on Friday. I'll try and plan what to say. I've gotta try. I don't have any other options really.
I'll let you know how it goes.
Thanks for input. It's nice to know I'm not crazy.
Blove, EL
Posted by ElaineM on November 22, 2006, at 21:47:23
In reply to Re: Anyone scared when losing weight? » ElaineM, posted by adrift on November 21, 2006, at 20:16:47
>>>>>I think the fear even though it freaks you out, might also help keep you healthy.
THat's exactly what's happening now. Usually I'm terrified of people, and I don't often leave my place. For a year, I've only gone to see T, and lecture (but very rarely) and LadyDoc from school. But now that I've graduated there's only T. My BDD has always kept me hiding at home though - it, and anxiety, have been with me much longer than the ED. I feel like my teenage years didn't exist.
But fear and desperation are extrordinary motivators. Like dynamite. Those two feelings have me going to new places and calling numbers like I never have in my life. I just wish something would come of all my new effort. Cause each time help doesn't come, or wait lists are long, the desperation gets so overwhelming. I feel I'm almost at a point of complete shutdown. I really can't deal with all this pain and impairment much longer.
Thanks for the encouragement. I hate feeling trapped in my garbage body AND alone. Helps that others can understand.
Blove EL
Posted by Racer on November 22, 2006, at 21:56:41
In reply to Re: Anyone scared when losing weight? » Racer, posted by ElaineM on November 22, 2006, at 21:37:21
>>
> Thanks for input. It's nice to know I'm not crazy.
> Blove, ELWho said you weren't crazy? ;-)
(Hey, if I didn't tease you....)
Seriously -- hard as it is, I've found that sometimes starting off by telling someone, "You know, I'm pretty worried about telling you this, but..." helps. At least, if it's someone worthy of the trust it takes to say that, but then there's the part about how you have to give someone a chance to earn your trust, you know? I hope your doctor is worthy of that trust.
Good luck to you, and if there's any way I can help you get your gumption up on this, let me know, 'K?
Posted by adrift on November 24, 2006, at 21:19:09
In reply to Re: Anyone scared when losing weight? » adrift, posted by ElaineM on November 22, 2006, at 21:47:23
> >>>>>I think the fear even though it freaks you out, might also help keep you healthy.
>
> THat's exactly what's happening now. Usually I'm terrified of people, and I don't often leave my place. For a year, I've only gone to see T, and lecture (but very rarely) and LadyDoc from school. But now that I've graduated there's only T. My BDD has always kept me hiding at home though - it, and anxiety, have been with me much longer than the ED. I feel like my teenage years didn't exist.
>
> But fear and desperation are extrordinary motivators. Like dynamite. Those two feelings have me going to new places and calling numbers like I never have in my life. I just wish something would come of all my new effort. Cause each time help doesn't come, or wait lists are long, the desperation gets so overwhelming. I feel I'm almost at a point of complete shutdown. I really can't deal with all this pain and impairment much longer.Im so sorry that that is happening. It is so frustrating when you are ready for the help and its unavailable :-(. Are you on a wait list now?
>
> Thanks for the encouragement. I hate feeling trapped in my garbage body AND alone. Helps that others can understand.
>
> Blove EL
((((Elaine))))
Posted by ElaineM on November 24, 2006, at 22:28:53
In reply to Re: Anyone scared when losing weight? » ElaineM, posted by adrift on November 24, 2006, at 21:19:09
>>>> Are you on a wait list now?
Sorry, I meant for procedures, and consultations. (but I also didn't go on the wait-list for the free crisis counsellors.) Though I have an update I'll have to give soon about my T now. He's made a confusing proposition (but I'll need to write about that tomorrow or something, cause I'm typed-out right now)
I told the Doctor (who hadn't even recieved my charts yet - now 6 or so weeks later!) about my eating and weight loss. I started crying a little (though I absolutely HATE that I let that happen) when I was talking about it. All I really remember saying (that started it off) was that, "I'd only just got used to eating some of everything whenever I wanted without violently hating myself, [the tears started here] and now food has been taken away from me again." [okay, I'm starting to cry again right now] I told her I'm always hungry and thirsty. But if I try and eat past a certain point I start to bring it back up. Then she said in a trying-to-be-helpful voice, "You still look healthy."
By then I was so sad about my situation that I didn't even hate that comment the way I used to. I didn't even think that "Oh she's telling me I'm fat" I only thought, "oh god, she doesn't get what I'm telling her."
Anyways, I asked her what I could do today to make sure my paperwork is searched down and sent ASAP. I asked if I could call and ask for it myself. And she said "Well sometimes requests get lost. Did you sign the release form. [i said, over a month ago] Well you can sign another one on your way out here." *sigh*
I wrote down stuff but at one point she said, "That's so hard to believe" and then explained why. I told her all the stuff the ER doc said and his opinion. So she said, "Well, I'll give you a referral to MY normal *specialist*. I'll call her next week and see if she can take you soon. I'll get back to you when I do."
So I just said, "Should I at least take more [of the medicine from the ER] in the meantime cause I can't stand this." But she'd never heard of it. I did my best explaining and she said, "Well it couldn't hurt" [don't worry, it's not painkillers]
I think I'm past the point of crying about this. I can't do anymore then I am. And now I can't do anything but sit and wait in pain. *sadness* I'm trying really really hard to accept that it's out of my control now, and hope to god that I'll be okayish through Christmas.
The other appointment I went to today was my Alternative Medicine Doc who runs the Pain Clinic. And she spoke to me for quite a while empathizing about how difficult it must be to be treated with respect by the medical profession after having an ED. She mentioned it - not even me! I was surprised to hear an MD (even if she's not involved in convential stuff anymore) volunteer something so awkwardly honest and true. She told me that her daughter has had an ED too and she helped her deal with it for 15 years, before she got married herself. So she said, "I can understand" And it felt so good. I thanked her when I was leaving and for the first time in a long time, when parting from a doctor, I fully meant it. It's too bad she isn't still doing family practice anymore.
Anyways, I think that one small thing made me be able to take the bigger, letdown appointment.
God, I'm just taking so many different things right now, that even that depresses me. My cupboard looks like a pharmacy. And I HATE taking stuff sooo much. It's like my body is forcing me to confront my medicine/pill fear whether I'm ready to or not. It's so hard :( Okay, I gotta stop now or I'll work myself up again.
Thanks for both your support with me telling her.
blove, EL
Posted by ElaineM on November 25, 2006, at 17:00:28
In reply to Re: Anyone scared when losing weight? » ElaineM, posted by adrift on November 24, 2006, at 21:19:09
Are your PCPs-now aware of your eating concerns? Do they understand? Was it just luck of the draw, or did you search around and go to them specifically? Have you found if gender makes a difference? I'm still trying to figure that out. I'm not sure it does, but I don't know.
Sometimes I regret so much not being in treatment still because that was where the physician-experts were who understood everything, and how ED's related (or didn't, for that matter). Most of the questions I asked "Full Disclosure Doc" that related to ED recover, she said she didn't know how to answer. It's just hard when regular-medical, and ED-medical cross.
I'm constantly thinking how I can do something else here. But I can't figure it out. THe only thing I thought I could do was that I emailed LadyDoc from school (where most of my chart will be coming from) and updated her on the bureaucratic situation and asked if there was anything she could do, or suggest that I do, to figure out how to get the paperwork situation taken care of ASAP. Maybe I can at least get that looked into. I wish this new doc would help more with that though. So I hope LadyDoc gets back to me early next week.
I hesitate getting my T involved even more in my medical care but, do you think that it would make a difference if I had him advocate for me? Like, speak to docs on my behalf. [are there others who do that? is that what a social worker does? i don't know] Would that just make me look bad, or would it increase my case in their esteem? I realize the situation is not ideal, but I'm running out of ideas.
Posted by adrift on November 25, 2006, at 17:58:15
In reply to Your physicians? Racer and Adrift, posted by ElaineM on November 25, 2006, at 17:00:28
> Are your PCPs-now aware of your eating concerns? Do they understand?
My eating issues were brought up by my physician. I had recieved previous treatment for it and then slipped a few years ago while I was outside of treatment, my electrolytes were really out of whack and she was helpful, she sent me back to a nutritionist and to an eating disorder pdoc but I never followed up with that doc. She basically did routine blood work for awhile and encouraged healthy eating ;-). I don't think that many physicans are all that knowlegable when it comes to mental health and eating disorders! Currently my weight is fine, but she is not aware that I am starting to panic about it. I don't like to bring it up with her and she will comment at times when my weight drops a lot, then I get a little lecture about eating and drinking milk for my bones and such. But she is very encouraging of outside help when it is needed.
>Was it just luck of the draw, or did you search around and go to them specifically? Have you found if gender makes a difference? I'm still trying to figure that out. I'm not sure it does, but I don't know.
I did not research around for my doc, but the first time I got help with it hard core, research was needed. I have not found that gender makes a difference either, but I have come across a lot of males who work in eating dis. they seem sensitive to it. Luck of the draw may be a part of it too though. it is often hit or miss with what you can get. Being pushy in a gentle way has been helpful for me.
>
> Sometimes I regret so much not being in treatment still because that was where the physician-experts were who understood everything, and how ED's related (or didn't, for that matter). Most of the questions I asked "Full Disclosure Doc" that related to ED recover, she said she didn't know how to answer. It's just hard when regular-medical, and ED-medical cross.
>
> I'm constantly thinking how I can do something else here. But I can't figure it out. THe only thing I thought I could do was that I emailed LadyDoc from school (where most of my chart will be coming from) and updated her on the bureaucratic situation and asked if there was anything she could do, or suggest that I do, to figure out how to get the paperwork situation taken care of ASAP. Maybe I can at least get that looked into. I wish this new doc would help more with that though. So I hope LadyDoc gets back to me early next week.
Can you ask her to be more helpful? Let us know if she comes through.>
> I hesitate getting my T involved even more in my medical care but, do you think that it would make a difference if I had him advocate for me? Like, speak to docs on my behalf. [are there others who do that? is that what a social worker does? i don't know] Would that just make me look bad, or would it increase my case in their esteem? I realize the situation is not ideal, but I'm running out of ideas.I do think it would make a difference. What I have learned is that the more people you have advocating for you the better it turns out. ED are a medical problem as much as they are an emotional issue, it seems only right that they would work together. A social worker is a great source! That might be another place to start. You need to do whatever it takes to get heard and treated in my opinion. Do whatever that takes.
Take care
Posted by adrift on November 25, 2006, at 18:56:07
In reply to I saw her, posted by ElaineM on November 24, 2006, at 22:28:53
I lost my post :-( it never appeared. ill try again, but I read your posts backwards.
> >>>> Are you on a wait list now?
>
> Sorry, I meant for procedures, and consultations. (but I also didn't go on the wait-list for the free crisis counsellors.) Though I have an update I'll have to give soon about my T now. He's made a confusing proposition (but I'll need to write about that tomorrow or something, cause I'm typed-out right now)
>
> I told the Doctor (who hadn't even recieved my charts yet - now 6 or so weeks later!) about my eating and weight loss. I started crying a little (though I absolutely HATE that I let that happen) when I was talking about it. All I really remember saying (that started it off) was that, "I'd only just got used to eating some of everything whenever I wanted without violently hating myself, [the tears started here] and now food has been taken away from me again." [okay, I'm starting to cry again right now] I told her I'm always hungry and thirsty. But if I try and eat past a certain point I start to bring it back up. Then she said in a trying-to-be-helpful voice, "You still look healthy."
UGH!
>
> By then I was so sad about my situation that I didn't even hate that comment the way I used to. I didn't even think that "Oh she's telling me I'm fat" I only thought, "oh god, she doesn't get what I'm telling her."
>
> Anyways, I asked her what I could do today to make sure my paperwork is searched down and sent ASAP. I asked if I could call and ask for it myself. And she said "Well sometimes requests get lost. Did you sign the release form. [i said, over a month ago] Well you can sign another one on your way out here." *sigh*
>
> I wrote down stuff but at one point she said, "That's so hard to believe" and then explained why. I told her all the stuff the ER doc said and his opinion. So she said, "Well, I'll give you a referral to MY normal *specialist*. I'll call her next week and see if she can take you soon. I'll get back to you when I do."
>
> So I just said, "Should I at least take more [of the medicine from the ER] in the meantime cause I can't stand this." But she'd never heard of it. I did my best explaining and she said, "Well it couldn't hurt" [don't worry, it's not painkillers]
>
> I think I'm past the point of crying about this. I can't do anymore then I am. And now I can't do anything but sit and wait in pain. *sadness* I'm trying really really hard to accept that it's out of my control now, and hope to god that I'll be okayish through Christmas.
>
> The other appointment I went to today was my Alternative Medicine Doc who runs the Pain Clinic. And she spoke to me for quite a while empathizing about how difficult it must be to be treated with respect by the medical profession after having an ED. She mentioned it - not even me! I was surprised to hear an MD (even if she's not involved in convential stuff anymore) volunteer something so awkwardly honest and true. She told me that her daughter has had an ED too and she helped her deal with it for 15 years, before she got married herself. So she said, "I can understand" And it felt so good. I thanked her when I was leaving and for the first time in a long time, when parting from a doctor, I fully meant it. It's too bad she isn't still doing family practice anymore.
>
> Anyways, I think that one small thing made me be able to take the bigger, letdown appointment.
>
> God, I'm just taking so many different things right now, that even that depresses me. My cupboard looks like a pharmacy. And I HATE taking stuff sooo much. It's like my body is forcing me to confront my medicine/pill fear whether I'm ready to or not. It's so hard :( Okay, I gotta stop now or I'll work myself up again.
>
> Thanks for both your support with me telling her.
> blove, ELIm so sorry Elaine, it sounds so frustrating. Unfotunately it generally is when you need help with somehting like this, which is just so wrong. It does sound like your Doc needs to speak to your T IMO. I would consider a social worker.
Update us when you are up to it.
Posted by Racer on November 26, 2006, at 1:25:56
In reply to Your physicians? Racer and Adrift, posted by ElaineM on November 25, 2006, at 17:00:28
Oh, dear...
Let's see, how can I say this without sounding completely and irredeemably CRAZY? Doctors are a triggering topic for me, because I've had a lot of bad experiences with them. While the worst of those experiences have tended to be with pdocs, GPs have contributed. My current GP has been informed that I have a history of AN, and that I am currently seeing a T who specializes in EDs, but I don't think she's all that up on the implications. For instance, the first time she saw bloodwork on me, she told me that my cholesterol was high and I should avoid fatty foods! I told her that it was most likely an artifact of my ED, and that I still don't eat as much fat as my RD recommended, but I wasn't sure she quite got what I was saying. She's nice, though, and I am trying to learn to trust her. It's hard for me to do so, though.
In terms of medical treatment around my ED, I didn't get any. My gyn ordered a DEXA scan, which showed pretty significant bone density loss, but other than that the only treatment directly related to my weight that I received was nutritional counseling. I had to ask my pdoc to refer me, because he was entirely uninterested in recommending any treatment to me. I tried to get help from the GP I was seeing then, but his eyes glazed over as soon as I said the words "eating disorder." My pdoc at the time told me he didn't bother refering people my age for treatment, because as far as he could see, there was no point. If we weren't recovered by this point, we wouldn't. How's that for helpful?
My current GP, despite the fact that she is not particularly knowledgeable about EDs, is very helpful, and she seems to listen to me. I was upset by something that happened with my previous GP, and my T gave me the names of two female GPs. The other is supposed to be great, and have a huge amount of experience with EDs, but this one accepts insurance. So, yes, I did search for a decent doctor, but not on the basis of ED knowledge.
(The GP before this was a real winner: I asked for a thyroid function test, because hey -- I suffer depression, which can be a symptom of thyroid dysfunction. He said, "You women want ot believe that your thyroid is causing you to gain weight..." I nearly threw up, I got so upset from that. This is the same guy whose nurse tried to get diet tips from me!)
As for the other question, about having your T advocate for you, I'm not sure I agree with Adrift. In my experience, while it may feel more comfortable to have someone else try to advocate for you, many doctors don't show a whole lot of respect for non-physicians in that role. Kinda like how psychiatrists often disregard anything a PhD says to them, or a LCSW. If you have any doctor you really trust whom you can talk to about this, that's the person I'd recommend trying to recruit as an advocate with other doctors.
My T tells me quite often that it's OK to tell someone to ignore my tears and just listen to what I say. You know that scene in that Jackie Chan movie? "Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?" That's the message to convey -- "Doctor, despite my tears, I am using words to communicate my message to you. Are you able to hear those words?" I realize that you're in bad shape right now, and that this isn't supposed to be a lesson in effective communication with defective people, but I think the exercise will be good for you, anyway, just in helping you learn how effectively you really do communicate.
If there's any way I can help you figure out how to approach this, let me know.
Posted by adrift on November 26, 2006, at 8:54:31
In reply to Re: Your physicians? Racer and Adrift, posted by Racer on November 26, 2006, at 1:25:56
>As for the other question, about having your T advocate for you, I'm not sure I agree with Adrift. In my experience, while it may feel more comfortable to have someone else try to advocate for you, many doctors don't show a whole lot of respect for non-physicians in that role. Kinda like how psychiatrists often disregard anything a PhD says to them, or a LCSW. If you have any doctor you really trust whom you can talk to about this, that's the person I'd recommend trying to recruit as an advocate with other doctors.
My experience with this has been that if I am under the care of another healthcare provider who is specialized in an area, my physician is highly respective of their opinions. This may not be the norm, but I have found that with both my previous one and my current one.
My current one will say, this is something that needs to be taken up with your nutritionist, or you need to inform your t about that. Or has even asked for my permission to speak with them.
Posted by ElaineM on November 26, 2006, at 20:42:06
In reply to Re: Your physicians? Racer and Adrift, posted by Racer on November 26, 2006, at 1:25:56
Wow, it sounds like you've had a cr@ppy time with Doc's who didn't "get it". But I'm glad you have a GP who is helpful now.
What is wrong with me now isn't necessarily related to my ED history (though everytime something goes wrong with me physicians always want to point there first). I guess it seems somewhat logical, but the ED keeps moving farther back in history, and I wonder when it will stop being the first thing people ascribe cause to for anything new, and health related that comes up with me. It's not such a far stretch as this but alot of the time it sounds like: you need glasses for distance now? it's probably from those years of anorexia when you weren't getting enough vitamins. Not so dramatic, but I wanted a way to explain it without referencing what the problem is now ;-)
My T had recommended a physician who he knew to be familiar with the chronic problem I have (not the thing that's happened now), and was friendly-ish with. I just hesitated because I wasn't sure if it was good or bad to have even more of my medical situation intertwined with my psychological care. I sort of thought that maybe it would be better if every aspect of my life didn't somehow connect back to T. But now I'm not sure. His title carries alot more weight than my plain old name (an MD). And I'm getting a bit desperate running out of options. So that's why I was considering it now.
>>>>"Doctor, despite my tears, I am using words to communicate my message to you. Are you able to hear those words?" I realize that you're in bad shape right now, and that this isn't supposed to be a lesson in effective communication with defective people, but I think the exercise will be good for you, anyway, just in helping you learn how effectively you really do communicate.
Most of the time I try really hard to shut off any kind of emotion (and assertiveness, which I worry will be seen as aggression or disrespect) when I'm talking to any other professional than T (well, and LadyDoc from uni.). I worry that emotion will be interpreted as proof of mental illness. I know alot of people have tears easily when it comes to their health - even the hardest, stony person can weep when they are ill - but I have a psychiatric history so I worry my displays will never be seen as normal. I used to feel: If you say nothing, then it means nothing is wrong, and they don't do anything. If you're nervous, you're neurotic. If you cry, you're only depressed. If you ask too many questions or make a suggestion, then you're a hypochondriac. If you mention anything remotely connected to weight or shape or nutrition, then you're just having anorexic thoughts.....Stuff like that.
I know it seems he never does anything good, but T actually helped alot with me preparing for this meeting (I wrote stuff out and everything). He's asked now if he could speak to her for me, but I said I need to think more about it, cause our situation is weird now.
The thing that has really made me distrust all physicians is that the guy I was seeing up until September (whenever I couldn't get into the school clinic) used to say everything I came to him with was only anxiety (ever since I got the ED). The worst was last Dec I went to him really wheezing, complaining I was short of breath and found it really hard to inhale. He prescribed a heavy dose of Ativan daily. I just kept getting worse and ended up at the hospital two weeks later on Boxing Day coughing up blood and barely able to breathe between hacking-attacks. The doc prescribed heavy antibiotics for a bad case of bronchitus. That was the worst but also this summer, he blaimed my mouth and neck pain on anxiety [i forget, but some anxiety disorder that makes you think you're choking when you swallow], and I actually had severely absessed root canals, one that had spread down into my jaw bone. He was so dismissive and rude and it made me feel like a pathetic jerk. He's prescribed so much Ativan to me, even though he's known I already have it at home if I ever need it, that I could fan out the prescription papers like a hand of cards.
I did cry in the meeting on Friday, but maybe I should have preficed it first, like you said. I'll try that next time.
Adrift: The only Doc I feel I ever fully trusted was LadyDoc. I truly feel the worst thing I ever did was graduate. But now I also feel a bit more for my alt.med.Doc.
I have been thinking alot about finding a social worker. [stuff's been going on with T, and I should update on the Psych board at some point, but I can't get in the mood to think more of it than I already do] I just need my health improved a little first cause I really can't handle doing, organizing or commuting anymore right now. But I'm sensing that if I don't do something soon then I could end up more on my own in the near future, than ever before. (Well maybe not alone, but without anyone official seeing over me.)
I'll let you guys know when ladyDoc gets back about my paperwork (if she gets back to me).
Thanks for your help you two.
blove,EL
[I never think anyone reads this stuff, though I just thought it could seem like I'm only wanting input from the two of you personally. I addressed it to both of you cause you were the two who responded originally. I always mean for anyone to respond :-) ]
Posted by Racer on November 27, 2006, at 0:54:56
In reply to Re: Your physicians? Racer and Adrift, posted by ElaineM on November 26, 2006, at 20:42:06
> The thing that has really made me distrust all physicians is that the guy I was seeing up until September (whenever I couldn't get into the school clinic) used to say everything I came to him with was only anxiety (ever since I got the ED). The worst was last Dec I went to him really wheezing, complaining I was short of breath and found it really hard to inhale. He prescribed a heavy dose of Ativan daily. I just kept getting worse and ended up at the hospital two weeks later on Boxing Day coughing up blood and barely able to breathe between hacking-attacks. The doc prescribed heavy antibiotics for a bad case of bronchitus. That was the worst but also this summer, he blaimed my mouth and neck pain on anxiety [i forget, but some anxiety disorder that makes you think you're choking when you swallow], and I actually had severely absessed root canals, one that had spread down into my jaw bone. He was so dismissive and rude and it made me feel like a pathetic jerk. He's prescribed so much Ativan to me, even though he's known I already have it at home if I ever need it, that I could fan out the prescription papers like a hand of cards.
I've got stories like that, too. Like the doctor who gave me tetracycline for a urinary tract infection. And then, two weeks later when I came back again, gave me a lecture about peeing after sex to go with my prescription for tetracycline. And two weeks after that, gave me a much sterner lecture...
After my kidneys started shutting down, and I was admitted to the hospital through the ER, they finally did sensitivity testing, and found that the bacteria was multiple-resistant. And I was allergic to two of the three antibiotics that would work...
And yes, I did feel as though I was a hypochondriac, in the doctor's eyes.
Or, the period when I got strep throat every two months for nearly four years... I found out later, my tonsils should have come out after the third bout, would have saved me several years of misery. (Although, at the time, I didn't mind so much because I lost weight...)
Or the pdoc who told me that nortiptyline didn't have anything to do with my weight gain, I just ate too much...
Or the one who told me that my inability to have an orgasm was not related to Paxil, since sexual problems only applied to men...
Or the pdoc I was seeing when this latest episode of AN started, who ignored me when I told him I was worried that it was starting up again, and apparently missed the fact that I lost one third of my starting weight...
Or the one who told me that the discomfort I felt when I tried to eat more was purely psychological... (uh... No?)
There are some lousy doctors out there. I think we should write a book of all the idiotic things we've heard from doctors. What do you say?
Posted by ElaineM on November 28, 2006, at 20:20:28
In reply to I have an idea » ElaineM, posted by Racer on November 27, 2006, at 0:54:56
>>>>>I think we should write a book of all the idiotic things we've heard from doctors. What do you say?
Good idea.
I'll add one more...Psychiatrist: "You still eat peanut butter? I don't think it's anorexia"
====
Just to update: I got an email message from LadyDoc who I'd asked about what I could do to get my paperwork transferred, if the new Doc wouldn't pursue it herself. She said that she hadn't seen a request of mine come through the office yet. She sent me the version of Release form she uses and said for me to fax it to her office (instead of going through the central provider). So I'm gonna get T to fax it out tomorrow. She said she promised that she'd make sure it wouldn't take long after that. ((((LadyDoc))))
I really miss her. She was one in a million. I wish I was still there.
Anyhoo, just thought I'd let you guys know cause I'd been complaining about it. Hopefully the waiting game won't last much longer now.
blove, EL
Posted by adrift on November 28, 2006, at 22:43:14
In reply to Re: I have an idea, posted by ElaineM on November 28, 2006, at 20:20:28
> >>>>>I think we should write a book of all the idiotic things we've heard from doctors. What do you say?
>
> Good idea.
> I'll add one more...
>
> Psychiatrist: "You still eat peanut butter? I don't think it's anorexia"OMG!
>
> ====
>
> Just to update: I got an email message from LadyDoc who I'd asked about what I could do to get my paperwork transferred, if the new Doc wouldn't pursue it herself. She said that she hadn't seen a request of mine come through the office yet. She sent me the version of Release form she uses and said for me to fax it to her office (instead of going through the central provider). So I'm gonna get T to fax it out tomorrow. She said she promised that she'd make sure it wouldn't take long after that. ((((LadyDoc))))
Im so glad to hear that!>
> I really miss her. She was one in a million. I wish I was still there.
>
> Anyhoo, just thought I'd let you guys know cause I'd been complaining about it. Hopefully the waiting game won't last much longer now.
>
> blove, ELHopefully things will move along with her help.
(((Elaine)))
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Eating | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.