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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Meri-Tuuli on March 21, 2006, at 5:13:05
I just generally hate myself, and always have done.
This leads to self harm (cutting my arms), thoughts of suicide.
I don't know why it is. I hate people how are secure in the themselves and seen to hold themselves in high regard. I'm like 'why are you so secure about yourself??'.
Whats wrong with me??
Are there any medications for this? Probably not, but hey.
Posted by psychopharmacon on March 21, 2006, at 6:17:22
In reply to Do you hate yourself?, posted by Meri-Tuuli on March 21, 2006, at 5:13:05
A low dose Solian (amisulpride) makes such negative thinking disappear (for me at least.) Try 25-100 mgs. and add Dostinex to counteract side effects.
Both of them enhances dopaminergic transmission.
Posted by med_empowered on March 21, 2006, at 9:46:58
In reply to Do you hate yourself?, posted by Meri-Tuuli on March 21, 2006, at 5:13:05
Oh yeah. Self-loathing is a big part of my existence. I've been on lots of meds and all I can say is you **probably** can't medicate this one away...at best, you can medicate away the RESULTS of self-loathing (example: as-needed benzos or antipsychotics for freak-outs or insomnia or what have you), but the core isssue will probably. Therapy helps...good friends help...
what might also help is getting just medicated enough so you can function reasonably well; I think once you can function well, your self-loathing level tends to go down...so you're not really medicating the self-loathing, just facillitating self-acceptance through minimal psychotropic use. If that makes sense.
Posted by linkadge on March 21, 2006, at 9:53:12
In reply to do you hate yourself? YES, posted by med_empowered on March 21, 2006, at 9:46:58
A lot of my self hatred has deminished since omega 3 supplementation. Just correlation though so I can't make any solid claims.
Linkadge
Posted by Meri-Tuuli on March 21, 2006, at 11:22:54
In reply to Re: do you hate yourself? YES, posted by linkadge on March 21, 2006, at 9:53:12
Its tough isn't it????????
I understand you med!!
Omega 3 - I eat all the mackeral I can handle (read the label - it has alot of o3 in it!!) and I just bought a bottle of flaxseed (linseed) oil....I have taken O3 supplements in the past. I will definately do them again. Whats the ratio EPA/DHA/how much etc???
Oh well, see the thing is, I bet I could go on about how lovely each of you are (and my friends), but trying to apply this to yourselves??? Don't be daft!
Posted by linkadge on March 21, 2006, at 15:45:03
In reply to Hey people!, posted by Meri-Tuuli on March 21, 2006, at 11:22:54
Might get redirected, but flax will not contain EPA and DHA, it requires the brain to convert it to them which it may not do so efficiantly.
No antidepressant had reduced my self hatred, I could get rid of some of it through extreme exercise, but after a few months of o3 I noticed that I did't hate myself hardly as much if at all.I am taking about 1.5 grams of EPA and 1 gram of DHA.
I just thought I'd share that experience since SSRI's never really helped my suicidiality/self-hartred.
Linkadge
Posted by ClearSkies on March 21, 2006, at 15:55:58
In reply to Do you hate yourself?, posted by Meri-Tuuli on March 21, 2006, at 5:13:05
I think I started hating myself during puberty. What a betrayal of one's own body - with no prior knowledge! - I was pretty sure I'd been invaded by aliens.
And now that I'm in the midst of perimenopause, the aliens are back with support troops. It diminishes my already fragile self esteem, and there aren't any meds to battle against this.
The whole experience sucks, IMO.
CS
Posted by JahL on March 21, 2006, at 19:39:29
In reply to Do you hate yourself?, posted by Meri-Tuuli on March 21, 2006, at 5:13:05
> I just generally hate myself, and always have done.
> Whats wrong with me??Nowt.
I don't hate myself. I hate my circumstances (i.e. my illness - the source of all evil).
> Are there any medications for this? Probably not, but hey.
For me at least, medications are the key. On the few occasions I've enjoyed remission (med-induced), hate disappeared from this angry young(ish) man's vocabulary.
Good luck with your appt (you'll need it living here :-( )
J.
Posted by rubenstein on March 21, 2006, at 19:44:06
In reply to Re: Do you hate yourself?, posted by JahL on March 21, 2006, at 19:39:29
I think i do but I am afraid to admit it
Rachel
Posted by Phillipa on March 21, 2006, at 20:55:23
In reply to Re: Do you hate yourself?, posted by rubenstein on March 21, 2006, at 19:44:06
No I don't hate myself. I was very happy working as an RN. I have a current license and the hospitals are making it impossible to work by requiring me to go back to school. two monthes on the conmputer two months fulltime on med/surg two months on psch before parttime. The nursing board says I don't have to go to school but hospitals can set their own policies. I am on diaability and want to see first if I'm able to handle the stress of working so is this parttime too much to ask? There is a nursing shortage and I was nationally certified to work in psych but I lost the certification after five years. And I know more about the meds than most doctors do thanks to all of you here. Love Phillipa
Posted by fires on March 21, 2006, at 21:28:58
In reply to Do you hate yourself?, posted by Meri-Tuuli on March 21, 2006, at 5:13:05
Nope. I just get righteously indignant towards others.
Posted by Declan on March 22, 2006, at 0:54:47
In reply to Do you hate yourself?, posted by Meri-Tuuli on March 21, 2006, at 5:13:05
Hi Merri
It's called envy, isn't it? (And it's a big thing. It's the reason Lucifer rebelled against God.) And envy is hard to see as such, it's more a darkening of the field with a feeling of cold insignificance. But everything is turned bad by envy. Compare it to gratitude. Not to be confused with jealousy. Central to the human condition IMO. What can you do about it? I dunno, refuse to feed it? Never had much luck myself.
Declan
Posted by linkadge on March 22, 2006, at 10:02:32
In reply to Re: Do you hate yourself? » Meri-Tuuli, posted by Declan on March 22, 2006, at 0:54:47
I am envious of those people who can live their lives without envy :)
Linkadge
Posted by Declan on March 22, 2006, at 14:05:24
In reply to Re: Do you hate yourself? » Declan, posted by linkadge on March 22, 2006, at 10:02:32
Hi Link
Mt T was big on envy (Klein) but I've never had a clue about what to actually do about it, apart from be aware, acknowledge, don't follow its devious trajectory etc. Apart from that Omega 3s and exercise are as good as anything maybe. But for those who feel excuded from life's feast it can be a very destructive process.
Declan
Posted by Racer on March 23, 2006, at 0:16:53
In reply to Re: Do you hate yourself? » linkadge, posted by Declan on March 22, 2006, at 14:05:24
Sometimes I would tell you that I hate myself. But, really, it's not so much that I hate myself, as that I am swimming in shame and guilt and fear. That's one nasty concoction, too.
But when the meds are working, adequately, and I'm in remission from my depression, I don't hate myself, and wouldn't even say I dislike myself. I can't always say I *like* myself all that much -- YET -- but that's what therapy is for. The meds, though, really do take away the worst of the self-recriminations that feel like self-loathing.
So, I guess it depends on what you mean by the meds fixing self-hatred. For me, all the shame, guilt, anxiety, etc, that go with depression are what feels like self-hatred, so medications that fix the depression also fix the negative self-judgement.
The funny thing, though, is that often, even in the worst of my depression, I can still say things about myself like, "I am an excellent teacher," and mean it. It's true, and it isn't something that goes away. ALthough it does remind me of Scarlett O'Hara, sometimes, and I do get a bit defensive about it, but I can still tell you that it's true. (To be fair, though, I tend to frame it more as, "I am an excellent teacher -- not that it gets me anything...")
Hope that helps...
Posted by TylerJ on March 24, 2006, at 8:09:56
In reply to Depends..., posted by Racer on March 23, 2006, at 0:16:53
> Sometimes I would tell you that I hate myself. But, really, it's not so much that I hate myself, as that I am swimming in shame and guilt and fear. That's one nasty concoction, too.
>
> But when the meds are working, adequately, and I'm in remission from my depression, I don't hate myself, and wouldn't even say I dislike myself. I can't always say I *like* myself all that much -- YET -- but that's what therapy is for. The meds, though, really do take away the worst of the self-recriminations that feel like self-loathing.
>
> So, I guess it depends on what you mean by the meds fixing self-hatred. For me, all the shame, guilt, anxiety, etc, that go with depression are what feels like self-hatred, so medications that fix the depression also fix the negative self-judgement.
>
> The funny thing, though, is that often, even in the worst of my depression, I can still say things about myself like, "I am an excellent teacher," and mean it. It's true, and it isn't something that goes away. ALthough it does remind me of Scarlett O'Hara, sometimes, and I do get a bit defensive about it, but I can still tell you that it's true. (To be fair, though, I tend to frame it more as, "I am an excellent teacher -- not that it gets me anything...")
>
> Hope that helps...
Yea, I totally feel the same as Racer. When my meds are working well...I think I'm a good person, husband, father, etc. I really like me, therefore it's easier to like and love others. When I'm down, meds aren't helping, life sucks etc. I become somewhat a different person, not as nice, not outgoing, not confident...when I feel this way, I've learned to Hate my illness...not myself. I've learned over the years that i'm not "bad" during these times, but the illness is, and therefore I hate the illness but still love myself. Also, like right now when i'm doing very well, hearing other people here that are suffering really upsets me...I want us all to feel good. I just wish I could destroy this f*cking illness!Tyler
Posted by Racer on March 24, 2006, at 11:14:10
In reply to Re: Depends... » Racer, posted by TylerJ on March 24, 2006, at 8:09:56
> > When my meds are working well...I think I'm a good person, husband, father, etc. I really like me, therefore it's easier to like and love others. When I'm down, meds aren't helping, life sucks etc. I become somewhat a different person, not as nice, not outgoing, not confident...when I feel this way, I've learned to Hate my illness...not myself. I've learned over the years that i'm not "bad" during these times, but the illness is, and therefore I hate the illness but still love myself.
That's a great point, Tyler. It might be easier for all of us if we could learn to hate the illness without hating ourselves.
Thank you for making that point.
Posted by Declan on March 24, 2006, at 16:34:08
In reply to Re: Depends... » Racer, posted by TylerJ on March 24, 2006, at 8:09:56
'Yourself' is such a fluid entity that there's nothing to hate, just the hating. (Then you can get sick of yourself, which is maybe a little different and where I'm at a lot of the time.) You can hate the hater that hates you for as long as you can remember the series, like mirrors reflecting each other. Thinking of mirrors...
'These with a thousand small deliberations
Protract the profit of their chilled deirium
Excite the membrane, when the sense has cooled
With pungent sauces,
Multiply variety in a wilderness of mirrors'
(TSEliot, Gerontion)
And Pound, from somewhere...
'And all the rest of her a shifting sand
A broken bundle of mirrors'
Declan
Posted by alohashirt on March 25, 2006, at 6:22:32
In reply to Do you hate yourself?, posted by Meri-Tuuli on March 21, 2006, at 5:13:05
I don't. Don't know why. It isn't the Focalin XR. Strattera made
me sad, but not self-hating.Having friends, having kids, seeing good art, listening to Kanye West on my ipod al help. Best help is doing a good thing for a stranger.
> I just generally hate myself, and always have done.
>
> This leads to self harm (cutting my arms), thoughts of suicide.
>
> I don't know why it is. I hate people how are secure in the themselves and seen to hold themselves in high regard. I'm like 'why are you so secure about yourself??'.
>
> Whats wrong with me??
>
> Are there any medications for this? Probably not, but hey.
>
>
Posted by CEK on March 26, 2006, at 23:00:34
In reply to No (Re: Do you hate yourself?, posted by alohashirt on March 25, 2006, at 6:22:32
Yep! I hate myself. Always have. Nobody would know it because I've always tried to be friendly and speak to people even if I didn't want to. People think I'm outgoing but really I hate being in public around people. I always feel like I don't messure up. I always had plenty of friends in high school but never did the party thing because I always felt like everyone looked better than me and I felt very uncomfortable. Still am this way in social occations. Even family parties. I hate getting up in the morning and having to look in the mirror and figure out what I'm going to wear. It all looks like crap. Even when I'm not fat as a cow, I still look bad to me. I hate pictures of myself! My husband gets mad because he says my kids will have nothing to remember me by because I have very little pictures of myself and don't let anyone take pictures of me. I don't get all the people that get Glamour Shots taken or do the family portraits every year. I couldn't do it! I always try to treat people good and live a good life but always get cr*pped on and it does no good. I too don't know how so people walk around so confidant. They must have better genes or something. Or maybe they feel just as awful and they too are masking it for the rest of the world.
This is the end of the thread.
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