Posted by Racer on March 23, 2006, at 0:16:53
In reply to Re: Do you hate yourself? » linkadge, posted by Declan on March 22, 2006, at 14:05:24
Sometimes I would tell you that I hate myself. But, really, it's not so much that I hate myself, as that I am swimming in shame and guilt and fear. That's one nasty concoction, too.
But when the meds are working, adequately, and I'm in remission from my depression, I don't hate myself, and wouldn't even say I dislike myself. I can't always say I *like* myself all that much -- YET -- but that's what therapy is for. The meds, though, really do take away the worst of the self-recriminations that feel like self-loathing.
So, I guess it depends on what you mean by the meds fixing self-hatred. For me, all the shame, guilt, anxiety, etc, that go with depression are what feels like self-hatred, so medications that fix the depression also fix the negative self-judgement.
The funny thing, though, is that often, even in the worst of my depression, I can still say things about myself like, "I am an excellent teacher," and mean it. It's true, and it isn't something that goes away. ALthough it does remind me of Scarlett O'Hara, sometimes, and I do get a bit defensive about it, but I can still tell you that it's true. (To be fair, though, I tend to frame it more as, "I am an excellent teacher -- not that it gets me anything...")
Hope that helps...
poster:Racer
thread:622777
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060322/msgs/623549.html