Shown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by KrissyP on March 5, 2003, at 20:25:12
You know-this may sound trivial for some, but I am experiencing and have been for some time-depression due to ALWAYS COMPARING MYSELF TO OTHERS-what I have done with my life to everybody I know's life. I am really sick of this. THIS is what brings on 99.9%of my depression, and of course fear of suceeding. I think there are some more deeper issues here, because the meds are not going to take away this feeling-I have to do something. BUT, I can't stand this anymore guys. I am a good person with a good heart, and I try to do the best I can. I just feel that when it comes to this loneliness, fear, and worry about my future, it overtakes me to a point I can't explain. All I can do is sit and ride it out. This is a long history, and I feel, some deep stuff. I posted about the fact that I was not seeing a therapist at the moment because I thought I was doing well. And despite what I describe here-I really am-NOT. BUT, this is a problem for me and really hurts deep when I feel it. I have friends, I'm in school, almost done with my BA, I have 2 arms, 2 legs, I can see, hear, smell, but that's not the point here, in a way. I just don't now how to fight off these feelings when they come. I think "God, I haven't really done much with my life: never married, no kids, not working in a "career", etc. Oh yeah, I have all my goals and dreams in place but I am clueless on how and what is just going to happen to me.
Man, these feelings are not fun. Any support, experience, advice woud help and thanks in Advance.I just can't feel this way anymore and I don't know if it IS something deeper, like OCD or good old damn depression.
I am a little over week on restarting the Effexor-XR 75mg, AND 25mg Lamictal, along with already taking 100mg Seroquel and 2mg Klonopin-ALL at night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Thanks Kristen
Posted by Rainbowlight on March 5, 2003, at 20:49:58
In reply to I'VE HAD IT-ANY HELP WOULD BE GREAT, posted by KrissyP on March 5, 2003, at 20:25:12
Hi there. I could have written your post because it is EXACTLY like I feel. I am not sure of your diagnosis, I am bipolar (along with ADD, OCD, etc.) I explained this "emptyness, lost feeling" to my therapist. He says it is common in bipolars to feel like there is this hole in you that is never filled. That is exactly how I feel, like there is "something" missing, but I am not sure what IT is. I am on the other side of the fence from you, I have a hubby and kids and I "miss" never having gone to college, have a career, etc. All the things "the world" values. I wonder if it is a case of "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence"? I am SLOWLY learning that I cannot compare myself to other "normal" people and their accomplishments. I get so frustrated when I see that handling life is SO much easier for people that don't have to struggle with mental illness. I feel cheated and drained. I hear that in your post too. I have spent 16 years now searching for the perfect medication combo. I have finally found as close to it as I think I am going to get. How many meds have you tried? Are you in the beginning phases of med trials or are you at the "already tried everything under the sun" phase? I wish I had some answers for you. I just wanted to let you know you are not the only one who feels this way and you are not alone. Hang in there!
Posted by KrissyP on March 5, 2003, at 21:31:51
In reply to Re: I'VE HAD IT-ANY HELP WOULD BE GREAT, posted by Rainbowlight on March 5, 2003, at 20:49:58
Hi, Thanks for replying. My major diagnosis is Major Depression-but I was also diagnosed with Bipolar II in 1999, but I can't figure out if it is because I just need to grow up, or if this IS a chemical imbalance. Man I really feel messed up. I have been suffering, on and off meds, tried different meds since 1995, and yes I have such an overwhelming emptiness that I don't even know what IT is either. Yes, I feel drained. I don't feel cheated because my life wasn't always like this, I was productive, healthy, thin, and happy, and I have been blessed and am thankful for it-things could always be worse I know.I have been described by my mother as that exact observance:"You seem like you just have an emptiness, even though you are moving right along" she says. I do think you make a great point about thinking that maybe it's like "the grass is always greener on the other side". I need to think about that and slowly learn SOMEHOW that I am only hurting me when I think this way-it has inhibited my progress, I think.
This has got to stop. It has held me back for so long.
I wish that I could just BELIEVE in myself, and take care of my body, mind, and emotions. The only thing close to that is that I am on meds, and have fought for so long with these feelings I describe (almost 11 years now), I've done therapy on and off since 1995, one on one and group.
I moved back "home" at 32, and have been out on my own since 1989 again, off and on-see, things with me are so unstable. This may be contributing to my depression, but the fear of everything is holding me back-that's why I said there are probably deep issues that I haven't addressed fully-I don't know. Right now I am on Effexor-XR, Lamictal, Seroquel, and Klonopin-ALL low doses. I started back on the Lamictal a week ago after going off of it last May. I appreciate your input. What meds do you take, may I ask?
Thanks,
Kristen
-------------------------------------------------Hi there. I could have written your post because it is EXACTLY like I feel. I am not sure of your diagnosis, I am bipolar (along with ADD, OCD, etc.) I explained this "emptyness, lost feeling" to my therapist. He says it is common in bipolars to feel like there is this hole in you that is never filled. That is exactly how I feel, like there is "something" missing, but I am not sure what IT is. I am on the other side of the fence from you, I have a hubby and kids and I "miss" never having gone to college, have a career, etc. All the things "the world" values. I wonder if it is a case of "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence"? I am SLOWLY learning that I cannot compare myself to other "normal" people and their accomplishments. I get so frustrated when I see that handling life is SO much easier for people that don't have to struggle with mental illness. I feel cheated and drained. I hear that in your post too. I have spent 16 years now searching for the perfect medication combo. I have finally found as close to it as I think I am going to get. How many meds have you tried? Are you in the beginning phases of med trials or are you at the "already tried everything under the sun" phase? I wish I had some answers for you. I just wanted to let you know you are not the only one who feels this way and you are not alone. Hang in there!
Posted by Rainbowlight on March 6, 2003, at 1:31:34
In reply to Re: I'VE HAD IT-ANY HELP WOULD BE GREAT » Rainbowlight, posted by KrissyP on March 5, 2003, at 21:31:51
I take Lamictal (50 in the morning, 50 at bedtime) - for mood stabilization, Remeron (45 at night) - for depression , Zoloft (25 in the morning, 25 at bedtime) - for anxiety. And right now I have just stopped my sleep med (Restoril) and pdoc is using a small dose of Ativan (1 mg.) to help me sleep. I must say the best med that pulled me out of that horrible crushing depression was the Remeron. It literally saved my life. In 4 weeks it pulled me out of a suicidal depth depression. The thing that is great about it is that it stops all the negative thoughts in my head for the most part. The negative stuff that just keeps going round and round my head like a broken record. It calms my brain so to speak. I went off it two months ago due to weight gain and I felt horrible again. I restarted it last Friday and I am back to feeling pretty good.
Posted by mattdds on March 6, 2003, at 10:16:14
In reply to I'VE HAD IT-ANY HELP WOULD BE GREAT, posted by KrissyP on March 5, 2003, at 20:25:12
Krissy,
I have some ideas that may help. I suffered from those feelings for a long time. I'd say I have largely worked through them successfully. Not 100%, but perhaps 80%. Before, I would obsess about these issues for hours, now they are more like fleeting thoughts that I quickly become aware of and then change. To be honest, I think this is one of those issues that is more amenable to some good CBT, and would be difficult to treat with meds. For me, there are some problems that are better left to psychotherapy (e.g. feelings of inferiority, rumination), while others are better targeted with meds (e.g. insomnia, depersonalization, somatic anxiety).
I'd love to discuss this with you over at psychological babble, and I think I have lots of ideas that could help. If this is 99% of your depression, as you say, I would bet (from a purely layman's perspective :)) the prognosis for feeling better is very good.
Let me know if you're interested.
Matt
Posted by hawkeye on March 6, 2003, at 10:46:33
In reply to I'VE HAD IT-ANY HELP WOULD BE GREAT, posted by KrissyP on March 5, 2003, at 20:25:12
I believe that I know what your problem is: You Are a Human Being.
I wouldn't attribute your comparative issue to your depression. It's a common human trait: like "Keeping up with the Jones'". It's a very human issue that was recognized long age by a very well known authority on the human condition: "Thou Shalt Not Covet ...."
We are all on our own individual paths. Identify your uniqueness and dance to your own drummer. As you are apparently learning, trying to fit yourself into the mold of others can be a futile and painfull experience.
Posted by mattdds on March 6, 2003, at 11:12:19
In reply to Re: I'VE HAD IT-ANY HELP WOULD BE GREAT, posted by hawkeye on March 6, 2003, at 10:46:33
This is quite correct that this is a very human tendency. Like all things, I believe this tendency can be present to varying degrees, on a spectrum, in other words. All people do this to some degree, some people hardly at all, while others do it incessantly.
The question is: When does this stop being a normal human tendency and become pathology?
There is no simple answer to that, mainly because it is an extremely subjective experience. Some people see "keeping up with the Joneses" as a motivating, positive force, while others see it as crippling and counterproductive. Again, highly subjective.
A better question might be: "Does my tendency to critically compare myself to others hinder or help me?". Another question to answer is "Is it affecting my quality of life?"
In Krissy's case, she said "99%" of her depression is related to this tendency. So I think it's quite clear that it is negatively affecting her quality of life. The goal would be to shift her (you, Krissy :)) to the other, healthier end of the spectrum for this trait. I believe this can be done using CBT techniques. At least this was my experience.
Just my opinion, and I invite further discussion.
Thanks for the comments!
Matt
Posted by KrissyP on March 6, 2003, at 14:49:53
In reply to Re: I'VE HAD IT-ANY HELP WOULD BE GREAT » KrissyP, posted by mattdds on March 6, 2003, at 10:16:14
Thanks so much Matt! Yep, I definately feel the feelings of inferiority, rumination that you speak of here. Yes, I am going to start posting more in "Psychological Babble" most definately. I am happy to hear that you feel that "those issues that is more amenable to some good CBT and that the prognosis for feeling better is very good". I pray, and I pray that this gets better. I have MANY great books that I need to sit down, relax, and read that I think will benefit me also. From what I have read so far, which isn't a lot, these books are wonderful. So, I'll see. Thanks so much for your support, and I will get over and post there, I am very interested.
Kristen------------------------------------------
Krissy,
I have some ideas that may help. I suffered from those feelings for a long time. I'd say I have largely worked through them successfully. Not 100%, but perhaps 80%. Before, I would obsess about these issues for hours, now they are more like fleeting thoughts that I quickly become aware of and then change. To be honest, I think this is one of those issues that is more amenable to some good CBT, and would be difficult to treat with meds. For me, there are some problems that are better left to psychotherapy (e.g. feelings of inferiority, rumination), while others are better targeted with meds (e.g. insomnia, depersonalization, somatic anxiety).
I'd love to discuss this with you over at psychological babble, and I think I have lots of ideas that could help. If this is 99% of your depression, as you say, I would bet (from a purely layman's perspective :)) the prognosis for feeling better is very good.
Let me know if you're interested.
Matt
Posted by KrissyP on March 6, 2003, at 14:55:39
In reply to Re: I'VE HAD IT-ANY HELP WOULD BE GREAT, posted by hawkeye on March 6, 2003, at 10:46:33
Thank you so much! Yeah, I guess I am human-I'm glad:-) God, I want so bad to keep these thoughts here>>> "We are all on our own individual paths. Identify your uniqueness and dance to your own drummer". Trying to fit myself into the mold of others HAS been a VERY futile and painful experience! It seems I need reassurance but more importantly I, myself, with my own heart have to keep these thoughts in my mind-thoughts that ONLY I can think and believe.
Thanks again,
Kristen-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I believe that I know what your problem is: You Are a Human Being.
I wouldn't attribute your comparative issue to your depression. It's a common human trait: like "Keeping up with the Jones'". It's a very human issue that was recognized long age by a very well known authority on the human condition: "Thou Shalt Not Covet ...."
We are all on our own individual paths. Identify your uniqueness and dance to your own drummer. As you are apparently learning, trying to fit yourself into the mold of others can be a futile and painfull experience.
Posted by KrissyP on March 6, 2003, at 15:09:09
In reply to Re: I'VE HAD IT-ANY HELP WOULD BE GREAT, posted by mattdds on March 6, 2003, at 11:12:19
Hi, I see "keeping up with the Joneses" as a motivating, positive force, but MORE so, with me anyway, as crippling and counterproductive. Again, highly subjective. Thank you for this>> "Is my tendency to critically compare myself to others hinder or help me?" IT HAS HINDERED ME And,"Is it affecting my quality of life?"-It IS obviously affecting my quality of life. In fact, I thought about this when I called it an early night last night and was lying in bed, "I am not being fair to myself".
I am a very driven individual and I need to use it to overcome this-hard, very hard.
I am definately open to a discussion !!!
Absolutely.
Thank you so much!!
Kristen------------------------------------------
A better question might be: "Does my tendency to critically compare myself to others hinder or help me?". Another question to answer is "Is it affecting my quality of life?"
In Krissy's case, she said "99%" of her depression is related to this tendency. So I think it's quite clear that it is negatively affecting her quality of life. The goal would be to shift her (you, Krissy :)) to the other, healthier end of the spectrum for this trait. I believe this can be done using CBT techniques. At least this was my experience.
Just my opinion, and I invite further discussion.
Thanks for the comments!
Matt
Posted by ace on March 6, 2003, at 19:05:56
In reply to I'VE HAD IT-ANY HELP WOULD BE GREAT, posted by KrissyP on March 5, 2003, at 20:25:12
> You know-this may sound trivial for some, but I am experiencing and have been for some time-depression due to ALWAYS COMPARING MYSELF TO OTHERS-what I have done with my life to everybody I know's life. I am really sick of this. THIS is what brings on 99.9%of my depression, and of course fear of suceeding. I think there are some more deeper issues here, because the meds are not going to take away this feeling-I have to do something. BUT, I can't stand this anymore guys. I am a good person with a good heart, and I try to do the best I can. I just feel that when it comes to this loneliness, fear, and worry about my future, it overtakes me to a point I can't explain. All I can do is sit and ride it out. This is a long history, and I feel, some deep stuff. I posted about the fact that I was not seeing a therapist at the moment because I thought I was doing well. And despite what I describe here-I really am-NOT. BUT, this is a problem for me and really hurts deep when I feel it. I have friends, I'm in school, almost done with my BA, I have 2 arms, 2 legs, I can see, hear, smell, but that's not the point here, in a way. I just don't now how to fight off these feelings when they come. I think "God, I haven't really done much with my life: never married, no kids, not working in a "career", etc. Oh yeah, I have all my goals and dreams in place but I am clueless on how and what is just going to happen to me.
> Man, these feelings are not fun. Any support, experience, advice woud help and thanks in Advance.I just can't feel this way anymore and I don't know if it IS something deeper, like OCD or good old damn depression.
> I am a little over week on restarting the Effexor-XR 75mg, AND 25mg Lamictal, along with already taking 100mg Seroquel and 2mg Klonopin-ALL at night.
> WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
> Thanks KristenDearest Kristen,
I feel for you. Even though CBT dose NOT work for me - different d/o's I have, I think it might help. From your posts to me all I can say is that are a very beautifal human being. I really think some INTENSIVE work on your s/esteem would help...and a script of Nardil (NOT just because I love it..but it makes you very confident in yourself)
I have some qstns...
!. Do you date much?
2. Have you suffered rejection from a male?
3. How do your parents feel about you
4. I assume you get the feeling a lot of others are better than you?
5. Have you read s/esteem books (not Tacky ones, but ones written by PHD's)
6. When you say you are lonely, would a steady partner make you feel better?
7. What do you study?Krissy - I did 2/3 years of intensive psychotherapy and reading. it is NOT the answer for me, BUT i have gleaned a tremendous amount of knowledge on the subject, and If you tell me more I can reccomend some texts.
Once again, i feels so bad for your pain...you sound so sweet and caring.
BTW, one book which I would reccomend (not really) psychotherapy is "Love is letting go of fear" by Gerald J. Jampolsky. This had a significant impact on me. It is more spiritual, and I think maybe you might need to cultivate a special personalized spiritual relationship.
LOVE & BEST WISHES,
ACE (ANDREW)
Posted by KrissyP on March 6, 2003, at 22:01:00
In reply to Some insights for a special person - Kristen. » KrissyP, posted by ace on March 6, 2003, at 19:05:56
Dearest Ace-Thank you sooooo much:
Here are the answers to your questions:-)
1) I haven't dated since last May, but I have my eye on a longtime schoolmate-but we have yet to meet, because my self-esteem-I'm trying to get the courage. The last guy I dated, used me BAD-long story. I miss dating.
2)Yes-I have suffered rejection from a male-my father-long story there too.
3)See above about my father, but my mom is my best friend-but she doesn't express her feelings much-but I know she cares for me and vice-versa-she has been like a mother and a father to me
Great woman!
4)Yep, I feel others are better than me-ESPECIALLY the ones I grew up with-mostly women.
5)I haven't read a lot of self-esteem books lately. I have a few great ones-I need to read soon.
6)Companionship, I think, makes most people feel better. Yes I would like to get to know a really great guy and spend some quality time and cuddle-just things I usually do with my boyfriends-whatever we like to do. I also would like to marry eventually some day.
7)I study Psychology and Health. I am a Medical Assistant(not working) and have my AA in Liberal Studies.
Would you mind telling me a little about Nardil??
What is it for?
Any suggestions on books I would greatly appreciate.
Thanks for being such a sweetie:)
Please keep in touch.
Kristen
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dearest Kristen,
I feel for you. Even though CBT dose NOT work for me - different d/o's I have, I think it might help. From your posts to me all I can say is that are a very beautifal human being. I really think some INTENSIVE work on your s/esteem would help...and a script of Nardil (NOT just because I love it..but it makes you very confident in yourself)
I have some qstns...
!. Do you date much?
2. Have you suffered rejection from a male?
3. How do your parents feel about you
4. I assume you get the feeling a lot of others are better than you?
5. Have you read s/esteem books (not Tacky ones, but ones written by PHD's)
6. When you say you are lonely, would a steady partner make you feel better?
7. What do you study?
Krissy - I did 2/3 years of intensive psychotherapy and reading. it is NOT the answer for me, BUT i have gleaned a tremendous amount of knowledge on the subject, and If you tell me more I can reccomend some texts.
Once again, i feels so bad for your pain...you sound so sweet and caring.
BTW, one book which I would reccomend (not really) psychotherapy is "Love is letting go of fear" by Gerald J. Jampolsky. This had a significant impact on me. It is more spiritual, and I think maybe you might need to cultivate a special personalized spiritual relationship.
>
> LOVE & BEST WISHES,
> ACE (ANDREW)
Posted by Dr. Bob on March 7, 2003, at 0:29:58
In reply to Some insights for a special person - Kristen. » KrissyP, posted by ace on March 6, 2003, at 19:05:56
> BTW, one book which I would reccomend (not really) psychotherapy is "Love is letting go of fear" by Gerald J. Jampolsky.
I'd just like to plug the double double quotes feature:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#amazon
But I don't mean to be pushy. Did you deliberately not use it to link to Amazon? If so, I'd be interested in why, over at Psycho-Babble Administration:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20020918/msgs/7717.html
Thanks!
Bob
Posted by KrissyP on March 7, 2003, at 1:17:19
In reply to Re: double double quotes » ace, posted by Dr. Bob on March 7, 2003, at 0:29:58
I'm confused on this post. Where do I go?
the site? or get the book?
Kristen> > BTW, one book which I would reccomend (not really) psychotherapy is "Love is letting go of fear" by Gerald J. Jampolsky.
>
> I'd just like to plug the double double quotes feature:
>
> http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#amazon
>
> But I don't mean to be pushy. Did you deliberately not use it to link to Amazon? If so, I'd be interested in why, over at Psycho-Babble Administration:
>
> http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20020918/msgs/7717.html
>
> Thanks!
>
> Bob
Posted by KrissyP on March 7, 2003, at 2:10:08
In reply to Re: I'VE HAD IT-ANY HELP WOULD BE GREAT, posted by Rainbowlight on March 6, 2003, at 1:31:34
Hang in there with the weight thing-IMO, If the Remeron works for you, "if it ain't broken don't fix it"
I think I will probably up the dose of Lamictal within time I'm only on 50 as of tongiht.
Hang in there:-)
Kristen
-------------------------------------------------> I take Lamictal (50 in the morning, 50 at bedtime) - for mood stabilization, Remeron (45 at night) - for depression , Zoloft (25 in the morning, 25 at bedtime) - for anxiety. And right now I have just stopped my sleep med (Restoril) and pdoc is using a small dose of Ativan (1 mg.) to help me sleep. I must say the best med that pulled me out of that horrible crushing depression was the Remeron. It literally saved my life. In 4 weeks it pulled me out of a suicidal depth depression. The thing that is great about it is that it stops all the negative thoughts in my head for the most part. The negative stuff that just keeps going round and round my head like a broken record. It calms my brain so to speak. I went off it two months ago due to weight gain and I felt horrible again. I restarted it last Friday and I am back to feeling pretty good.
Posted by ace on March 7, 2003, at 20:27:16
In reply to Re: double double quotes » ace, posted by Dr. Bob on March 7, 2003, at 0:29:58
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Medication | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.