Psycho-Babble Medication Thread 25020

Shown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO

Posted by VESPER on February 29, 2000, at 23:17:04

Sorry, didn't mean that as a yell. I can't seem to follow all the different threads about me. I agree with whomever said that contacting someone offlist is a good idea maybe when things get this far. I'm sorry if I missed anyone's post. I'm crying right now because I feel stuck and lost, and I'm going to tell my psychiatrist tomorrow I want to go into the hospital to break this horrible cycle. Maybe all your suggestions to the contrary of my thinking convinced me that maybe I'm not so rational or anything and need to put myself in someone else's hands for awhile. I am just so scared and lonely...Whatever you all want me to do about staying or not staying here, I will do. I cannot seem to exist without causing harm. I am so sorry. The people here are almost beyond belief in their compassion, humour, and genuine human insight.
I can honestly say I have never felt so loved, and that may seem pathetic, but it is true. Thank you all so much.
--Vesper

 

Re: PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO

Posted by Janet on February 29, 2000, at 23:53:10

In reply to PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO, posted by VESPER on February 29, 2000, at 23:17:04

> Sorry, didn't mean that as a yell. I can't seem to follow all the different threads about me. I agree with whomever said that contacting someone offlist is a good idea maybe when things get this far. I'm sorry if I missed anyone's post. I'm crying right now because I feel stuck and lost, and I'm going to tell my psychiatrist tomorrow I want to go into the hospital to break this horrible cycle. Maybe all your suggestions to the contrary of my thinking convinced me that maybe I'm not so rational or anything and need to put myself in someone else's hands for awhile. I am just so scared and lonely...Whatever you all want me to do about staying or not staying here, I will do. I cannot seem to exist without causing harm. I am so sorry. The people here are almost beyond belief in their compassion, humour, and genuine human insight.
> I can honestly say I have never felt so loved, and that may seem pathetic, but it is true. Thank you all so much.
> --Vesper

Please stay. I've found some of your posts interesting and amusing. You seem to be a highly educated and cultured person. But please go to hospital and be cared for for a while. Everyone here has felt lonely and unloved. With your experiences I'm sure you'll be able to give compassion and support to others who may need it. But look after yourself first. Tell us if you go into hospital . Best Wishes Jan

 

Re: PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO

Posted by Vesper on March 1, 2000, at 0:14:34

In reply to Re: PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO, posted by Janet on February 29, 2000, at 23:53:10

> > Sorry, didn't mean that as a yell. I can't seem to follow all the different threads about me. I agree with whomever said that contacting someone offlist is a good idea maybe when things get this far. I'm sorry if I missed anyone's post. I'm crying right now because I feel stuck and lost, and I'm going to tell my psychiatrist tomorrow I want to go into the hospital to break this horrible cycle. Maybe all your suggestions to the contrary of my thinking convinced me that maybe I'm not so rational or anything and need to put myself in someone else's hands for awhile. I am just so scared and lonely...Whatever you all want me to do about staying or not staying here, I will do. I cannot seem to exist without causing harm. I am so sorry. The people here are almost beyond belief in their compassion, humour, and genuine human insight.
> > I can honestly say I have never felt so loved, and that may seem pathetic, but it is true. Thank you all so much.
> > --Vesper
You seem to be a highly educated and cultured person. But please go to Tell us if you go into hospital . Best Wishes Jan
Thank you Jan. I graduated from secondary school in 1984 and am still not a college junior. Perhaps I am attending the school of hard knocks. I know Joseph Cambpell never got beyond his sophomore year in college and ended up teaching at Sarah Lawrence for 30 years and writing brilliant books...
Anyone else here read Thomas Mann, Ayn Rand, Heinrich Boll, J.R.R. Tolkien, Henry James, Leonard Cohen, Anne Rice, Vladimir Nabokov, Friedrich Nietzche, William Shirer, Mary Stewart, and Michael Shaara(The Killer Angels) for pleasure?

 

Re: Your therapist plan sounds like a good one

Posted by jd on March 1, 2000, at 0:20:28

In reply to PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO, posted by VESPER on February 29, 2000, at 23:17:04

Vesper,

It sounds like you already have a good plan for what would be best for you to do--Meet with your therapist tomorrow and say more or less what you've said (quite effectively) to us just now. Overall, your situation may be better than it seems when you're feeling your worst (like now, perhaps), but you're absolutely right that you could use a different environment to help break this cycle and start getting some matters worked out. We really are all behind you, even those of us who haven't been chiming in much... Things *will* get better.

Take good care,
jd


> Sorry, didn't mean that as a yell. I can't seem to follow all the different threads about me. I agree with whomever said that contacting someone offlist is a good idea maybe when things get this far. I'm sorry if I missed anyone's post. I'm crying right now because I feel stuck and lost, and I'm going to tell my psychiatrist tomorrow I want to go into the hospital to break this horrible cycle. Maybe all your suggestions to the contrary of my thinking convinced me that maybe I'm not so rational or anything and need to put myself in someone else's hands for awhile. I am just so scared and lonely...Whatever you all want me to do about staying or not staying here, I will do. I cannot seem to exist without causing harm. I am so sorry. The people here are almost beyond belief in their compassion, humour, and genuine human insight.
> I can honestly say I have never felt so loved, and that may seem pathetic, but it is true. Thank you all so much.
> --Vesper

 

Re: Your therapist plan sounds like a good one

Posted by Noa on March 1, 2000, at 6:04:05

In reply to Re: Your therapist plan sounds like a good one, posted by jd on March 1, 2000, at 0:20:28

> Vesper,
>
Like the others, I would like for you continue on this bb, but first take care of yourself with "bricks and mortar" mental health care.

You have a lot to offer. People's objections are not about you, but about some of the posts you left that were just beyond what this bb can provide help for. If you can get help from your therapist and pdoc, and possibly in the hospital, I think you will get to a more stable place.

Keep us posted.

 

Re: PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO

Posted by Janet on March 1, 2000, at 7:30:49

In reply to Re: PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO, posted by Vesper on March 1, 2000, at 0:14:34

> > > Sorry, didn't mean that as a yell. I can't seem to follow all the different threads about me. I agree with whomever said that contacting someone offlist is a good idea maybe when things get this far. I'm sorry if I missed anyone's post. I'm crying right now because I feel stuck and lost, and I'm going to tell my psychiatrist tomorrow I want to go into the hospital to break this horrible cycle. Maybe all your suggestions to the contrary of my thinking convinced me that maybe I'm not so rational or anything and need to put myself in someone else's hands for awhile. I am just so scared and lonely...Whatever you all want me to do about staying or not staying here, I will do. I cannot seem to exist without causing harm. I am so sorry. The people here are almost beyond belief in their compassion, humour, and genuine human insight.
> > > I can honestly say I have never felt so loved, and that may seem pathetic, but it is true. Thank you all so much.
> > > --Vesper
> You seem to be a highly educated and cultured person. But please go to Tell us if you go into hospital . Best Wishes Jan
> Thank you Jan. I graduated from secondary school in 1984 and am still not a college junior. Perhaps I am attending the school of hard knocks. I know Joseph Cambpell never got beyond his sophomore year in college and ended up teaching at Sarah Lawrence for 30 years and writing brilliant books...
> Anyone else here read Thomas Mann, Ayn Rand, Heinrich Boll, J.R.R. Tolkien, Henry James, Leonard Cohen, Anne Rice, Vladimir Nabokov, Friedrich Nietzche, William Shirer, Mary Stewart, and Michael Shaara(The Killer Angels) for pleasure?

sorry , but I'm an Elliot and Austen fan. I found Nabakov and James quite impenetrateable. By the time I'd got to the end of a sentence I'd totally lost the hang of the beginning! You must have great powers of concentration. What I really enjoy is a good detective novel . Have you read The Alienist by Caleb Carr? I found that a fascinating portrayal of the state of psychiatry at the turn of the century. I don't know if we're allowed to talk books here . Better go. Good luck with your psychiartrist ! Jan

 

Books (wasRe: PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO)

Posted by vesper on March 1, 2000, at 8:52:12

In reply to Re: PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO, posted by Janet on March 1, 2000, at 7:30:49


>
> sorry , but I'm an Elliot and Austen fan. I found Nabakov and James quite impenetrateable. By the time I'd got to the end of a sentence I'd totally lost the hang of the beginning! You must have great powers of concentration. What I really enjoy is a good detective novel . Have you read The Alienist by Caleb Carr? I found that a fascinating portrayal of the state of psychiatry at the turn of the century. I don't know if we're allowed to talk books here . Better go. Good luck with your psychiartrist ! Jan
Sorry, forgot Jane Austen! how could I ...and Ambrose Bierce, and Virginia Woolf and ...well the list goes on.

 

Re: Books

Posted by dove on March 1, 2000, at 9:07:56

In reply to Books (wasRe: PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO), posted by vesper on March 1, 2000, at 8:52:12

I loved the Alienist by Caleb Carr, have you read his second one? I didn't find the second quite as good as his first. I love mystery novels based in real or historical psychiatry. As a kiddo, I liked gritty crime novels, pulp fiction stuff with lots of atmosphere. As an adult, I like deep characters and more fact infused into the story. I can't stand many of the "classics" for rest and recreation, they demand too much thinking and attention from my tired brain :-) If you can handle them though, more power to you!

dove
p.s. I used to read a lot of Anne Rice and Ayn Rand, but my tastes have really changed over the last five years or so, and I find them almost pretentious now. I read C.S. Lewis with my kids and Sharyn McCrumb before bed :-)

 

Re: Books (wasRe: PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO)

Posted by Noa on March 1, 2000, at 9:10:32

In reply to Books (wasRe: PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO), posted by vesper on March 1, 2000, at 8:52:12

One of my favorite authors is Paul Auster. What a mind that guy has.

Has anyone read his work?

For lighter fare, try Man of the House by Stephen McCauley.

Of course, I haven't read a novel in who knows how long, because it is hard to focus and not have my anxiety interfere with my reading every two seconds, which makes me have to reread everthing a zillion times, or because I just don't have the mental energy to process what I am reading. I like to keep volumes of short stories around the house, and sometimes, I do manage to pick one up, and look for a piece that is, indeed, short. Shorter stuff suits me better when I am not in my "reading mode" which comes and goes every few months or so. Magazines like The New Yorker are good for that, too, especially when there is some short fiction in it.
(I don't subscribe--another expense I can't handle. Occasionally, my therapist lets me take an older New Yorker issue home when there is something in it that interests me. I also read it when visiting my folks)

 

Re: PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO

Posted by Eric on March 1, 2000, at 10:15:15

In reply to PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO, posted by VESPER on February 29, 2000, at 23:17:04

Vesper, I think you badly need to do ECT(electroshock therapy). Tell your doctor you want to do it real bad. It will solve your problems Vesper.

 

Re: PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO

Posted by Vesper ??? on March 1, 2000, at 10:42:08

In reply to Re: PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO, posted by Eric on March 1, 2000, at 10:15:15

I like the ECT option too. You seem just so unstable right now. If not ECT, the hospital.

Many of those authors you like were, excuse the expression, crazy too.

Maybe you could do something like this eventually. Thinking and hoping about you.

You sound like such a kind, humourous, intelligent person. You're at the right bulletin board but just need a little more hands-on help right now than we could possibly give you.

Thanks for keeping us up to date. Janice

ps. I've got 2 degrees, and can't remember much about either. A formal education (to me) really only means you're interested in learning. I've learnt much more in the school of hard knocks - no comparison!

 

Re: PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO

Posted by Sarah on March 1, 2000, at 12:39:15

In reply to Re: PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO, posted by Vesper ??? on March 1, 2000, at 10:42:08

>
>
> Hey there... I just got over a very long bout of depression... (by product of untreated ADD) All I can say is the last thing I needed was a heavy book! I have read most of the "classics" and tried to read "Crime and Punishment" right before I got fed up with the depression. Take it from me, don't read that when you are depressed! ANYWAY, what I am trying to say to anyone depressed, if you want to lose your self in a book, get a good trashy romance (unless that is what you are depressed about) a good mystery, or any good light read that has a good picture on it! (yes, sometimes you can judge a book by it's cover!) I read all the John Grisham novels in the last year of my depression when it was at it's worst. They gave me some time off from life and they don't require major attention. They are very compelling and always end wonderfully... (the partner could have ended better) Fun to read and you can always find them at used book stored for a dollar. Just mt two cents....

 

Re: Books

Posted by vesper on March 1, 2000, at 13:37:09

In reply to Re: Books, posted by dove on March 1, 2000, at 9:07:56


> p.s. I used to read a lot of Anne Rice and Ayn Rand, but my tastes have really changed over the last five years or so, and I find them almost pretentious now. I read C.S. Lewis with my kids and Sharyn McCrumb before bed :-)
I know whatcha mean. Ayn Rand is a bit of a caracature(sp?) She never let one word of her books be edited, and boy could they have used editing. I liked the story in Atlas Shrugged though, putting aside the philosophy. I do think she did Orwell's 1984 thing better, before his book, with Anthem. I would suggest the Magic Mountain by Thomas Mann, (the new translation.)

 

Re: Books

Posted by JanetR ex Janet and exJanet from Brazil on March 1, 2000, at 18:28:24

In reply to Re: Books, posted by vesper on March 1, 2000, at 13:37:09

>
> > p.s. I used to read a lot of Anne Rice and Ayn Rand, but my tastes have really changed over the last five years or so, and I find them almost pretentious now. I read C.S. Lewis with my kids and Sharyn McCrumb before bed :-)
> I know whatcha mean. Ayn Rand is a bit of a caracature(sp?) She never let one word of her books be edited, and boy could they have used editing. I liked the story in Atlas Shrugged though, putting aside the philosophy. I do think she did Orwell's 1984 thing better, before his book, with Anthem. I would suggest the Magic Mountain by Thomas Mann, (the new translation.)

Dear Vesper , weren't you supposed to be seeing your psychiatrist today? How did it go ? Jan

 

Re: Books

Posted by vesper on March 1, 2000, at 18:50:51

In reply to Re: Books, posted by JanetR ex Janet and exJanet from Brazil on March 1, 2000, at 18:28:24


> Dear Vesper , weren't you supposed to be seeing your psychiatrist today? How did it go ? Jan
I didn't make it. I wish my good decisions corresponded with the right times. I mean, if my psychiatrist had been available to admit me when I was ready to go in, I would be there now. Of course I've had time to get scared again and now I'm vaccillating(sp?)
I won't waste anymore time on this bbs until something positive happens for me and I can make positive contributions.
Thank you for asking.
Vesper

 

Re: Vacillating

Posted by JanetR on March 1, 2000, at 20:42:23

In reply to Re: Books, posted by vesper on March 1, 2000, at 18:50:51

>
> > Dear Vesper , weren't you supposed to be seeing your psychiatrist today? How did it go ? Jan
> I didn't make it. I wish my good decisions corresponded with the right times. I mean, if my psychiatrist had been available to admit me when I was ready to go in, I would be there now. Of course I've had time to get scared again and now I'm vaccillating(sp?)
> I won't waste anymore time on this bbs until something positive happens for me and I can make positive contributions.
> Thank you for asking.
> Vesper

Dear Vesper, never having been ill enough to need hospitalisation ( although God knows I've often wished I could give up the daily struggle and be taken care of), I can't comment on your vacillation. It must be a difficult decision to make. Why are you so scared ? Have you or a friend of yours had a bad experience ? Take care Jan

 

Re: Vacillating

Posted by juniper on March 2, 2000, at 1:31:26

In reply to Re: Vacillating, posted by JanetR on March 1, 2000, at 20:42:23

Vesper-----
i dallied on this board for about a month, but my job keeps me away from computers for large chunks of time (outward bound instructor--i trampse around the woods with juvenile delinquents) and i've just returned and have been following your (and others) postings.
i know the hospital feelings. when i was in high-school i was depressed and anorexic and suicidal and my doctor insisted i go into the hospital. somehow, this little 70 pound girl dense with despair convinced her parents not to hospitalize her. (why is it at times like these that people finally listen to me?) my doctor even called my school and explained that i was an insurance risk and thus i spent the last 4 months of my junior year at home, too sick and too proud to supposedly take time out from my "life" to make a true one. but part of me wished that someone would just stand up to me and tell me i had no choice, that i was going to be admitted. i clung to last specks of the delusional freedom i had, but wanted so much for someone to call my bluff--to poke me and tell me that it was all an illusion. i wanted to surrender and be cared for, but this also scared the hell out of me.
eventually, a year later, i was hospitalized.
feelings of vacillation are normal--part of you wants to hang on to the only coping mechanism (against the loudness and sharpness of everyday life?)you know while part of you longs for the surrender that may help give you the strength to fight for the the little pieces that you know can be so wonderful, if only.....(like reading, or laying on your bed listening to music).

like others on this board, i'll be praying for you and directing some positive energy your way. please do keep us updated, and take care of yourself.

peace,
juniper


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