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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by sunnydays on October 4, 2006, at 21:26:53
In reply to Re: Should i join the Army or Marnies to get out? » Rjlockhart, posted by madeline on October 2, 2006, at 19:41:55
It is a very hard decision that should not be made lightly. Good luck with your decision.
Just as an aside, it might be helpful for you to know that if you have ever taken any sort of psychiatritic medications, many of the armed services will not take you. I don't particularly agree with that, but that's what I understand reality to be.
sunnydays
Posted by Phillipa on October 4, 2006, at 21:26:53
In reply to Re: Should i join the Army or Marnies to get out? » madeline, posted by sunnydays on October 2, 2006, at 20:34:51
Plus my Son lost his eyesight during Desert Storm and two finger tips and has PTSD. Don't do it Matt. Get your college degree. Love Phillipa
Posted by Jost on October 4, 2006, at 21:26:53
In reply to Should i join the Army or Marnies to get out?, posted by Rjlockhart on October 2, 2006, at 18:49:29
Matt, while I don't know you well, even though I've read posts here, from what I sense of your personality, I don't think a highly rigid, military-discipline situation would be suitable for you.
Maybe there's something about the discipline, unquestioning obedience to authority, and chain-of command and, especially distance from your mother that, in the abstract, appeals to you. It's true the military (from what I understand) does impose coherence and control on those who serve it, but it also doesn't tolerate a lot of uncertainty, non-responsiveness, or impulsivity on the part of recruits.
I'd strongly advise you to investigate the real world of living in the military a lot before you even dream of enlisting. If it's inimical to your way of being, that could lead to painful and demoralizing experiences.
How about school away from home? Or beginning to separate from your mother, in small but very firm ways-- even if it upsets her.
How about living on campus or in your own apartment with roommates, if you attend college in your hometown?
Jost
Posted by yxibow on October 4, 2006, at 21:26:53
In reply to Should i join the Army or Marnies to get out?, posted by Rjlockhart on October 2, 2006, at 18:49:29
> I am really well, this should be on the relationships board but i have to post this here on psychobabble.
>
> I am living in an enviorment that is smuthering. My mom is, overly controlling, im 19, for god sake why does she still call me "toot" in frount of people. There is something wrong, im not saying with her but her actions, she well, i almost fell into a confort zone here at home, right now im posting at collage, i cant post at home she wont let me, she doenst want anyone to give me advice exept a couselor which i can hardly see.
>
> She considers me almost a kid, but then i have to deal with her anger, stuborness, non-comromising, personality. She has been this way almost her entire life with me, yelling out problems... yelling at me, which sometimes yes i am irresponsible, that is my fault.
>
> But i am having a almost severe crisis, i have ADHD, or i would say, i have a severe hard time focusing, sometimes i zone out, i put stuff and its right in frount of my face, and i forget about ... 6 times. Anyways thats something i cant discuss with my psychitrist because
>
> #1 My mother will not let me see the doctor by myself, she will, i will get in to a huge fight, she doesnt want me on Dexedrine because SHE was addicted to it in the 1970's for modeling. She was on Desoxyn actually. She belived i was addited to it.
>
> What my plan is, i dont know what is to come, i join the marines or the army and go Iraq then i will be away from her. But the bad side is it is going to be Intesely hard in the marines, it going to hold off my career, and i may get killed (but i dont know that). I will be able to talk to a military psychiatrist, about my bad problem, and see what happens. I dont know what is to come, this could all turn out not good. At least i would be supporting my country. There is no way she could do anything to try to control, its the military, once im in, she is out.
>
> Or the Air Force. either way i would be getting away from her.
>
> I am going to talk to a social worker. And may go and talk to the marines, or air force, what ever comes pray for me.
>
> Matt
Talk to a social worker. Go divorce your relationship if you have to in any way you can from your mother since its obviously not akin to helping you with your condition, but don't join the Army during wartime. Well, I could get political and say its a police action, but anyhow. Politics is for another side of the board.And not to be sardonic or mean, but it is unlikely that the Army will accept you in your condition because they do psychiatric batteries of enlistees. I mean I've even thought about it (before Iraq), as well as the local police department, but psychiatrically I'm not up to that.
A social worker is a good idea. Family court. Something else. Moving out and getting yourself a job that you can cope with while you are bettering yourself. Get insurance from that job. Keep it through COBRA and HIPAA. You're the age of majority, but I think finding a job that pays enough for now and finding roommates, friends that will allow you to move in, and then once you've saved enough, go to community college and transfer to a state college and get a degree. By this point you will have put yourself back on your feet and you can reconcile with your mother. Don't turn your back on her, but recognize that this is really not a healthy situation. That's just my 2c, as I've heard you express it and I can tell your exasperation.
-- Sincerely
Jay
Posted by Phillipa on October 4, 2006, at 22:23:48
In reply to Should i join the Army or Marnies to get out?, posted by Rjlockhart on October 2, 2006, at 18:49:29
Staying on the thread. Love Phillipa
Posted by Meri-Tuuli on October 5, 2006, at 1:57:45
In reply to Re: Should i join the Army or Marnies to get out? » Rjlockhart, posted by yxibow on October 3, 2006, at 1:00:49
Its a bit extreme joining the army. Why don't you just move out of home and into some accommodation on campus??
Posted by psychobot5000 on October 5, 2006, at 1:57:48
In reply to Should i join the Army or Marnies to get out?, posted by Rjlockhart on October 2, 2006, at 18:49:29
Just be aware that you will be committing to a legally-binding, 8 year agreement, if you join any US military branch, and that many people I know have come to regret it.
There are other ways, easier in the long run, to get away from family--there are great things about the military, but you are also legally signing away your free will, and joining a community that believes in rigid control. I'd recommend you research it further, if you are interested--many people find the structure and group mentality to be a fine lifestyle.
...But be aware that, as someone else warned, they don't like to take recruits with any psychiatric history. Many recruiters would urge you to lie about it, and I suppose you might have to, in order to get in at all. Yikes!
Hope you find a solution--controlling family are hard to deal with!
P-bot
Posted by Crazy Horse on October 5, 2006, at 1:57:49
In reply to Should i join the Army or Marnies to get out?, posted by Rjlockhart on October 2, 2006, at 18:49:29
> I am really well, this should be on the relationships board but i have to post this here on psychobabble.
>
> I am living in an enviorment that is smuthering. My mom is, overly controlling, im 19, for god sake why does she still call me "toot" in frount of people. There is something wrong, im not saying with her but her actions, she well, i almost fell into a confort zone here at home, right now im posting at collage, i cant post at home she wont let me, she doenst want anyone to give me advice exept a couselor which i can hardly see.
>
> She considers me almost a kid, but then i have to deal with her anger, stuborness, non-comromising, personality. She has been this way almost her entire life with me, yelling out problems... yelling at me, which sometimes yes i am irresponsible, that is my fault.
>
> But i am having a almost severe crisis, i have ADHD, or i would say, i have a severe hard time focusing, sometimes i zone out, i put stuff and its right in frount of my face, and i forget about ... 6 times. Anyways thats something i cant discuss with my psychitrist because
>
> #1 My mother will not let me see the doctor by myself, she will, i will get in to a huge fight, she doesnt want me on Dexedrine because SHE was addicted to it in the 1970's for modeling. She was on Desoxyn actually. She belived i was addited to it.
>
> What my plan is, i dont know what is to come, i join the marines or the army and go Iraq then i will be away from her. But the bad side is it is going to be Intesely hard in the marines, it going to hold off my career, and i may get killed (but i dont know that). I will be able to talk to a military psychiatrist, about my bad problem, and see what happens. I dont know what is to come, this could all turn out not good. At least i would be supporting my country. There is no way she could do anything to try to control, its the military, once im in, she is out.
>
> Or the Air Force. either way i would be getting away from her.
>
> I am going to talk to a social worker. And may go and talk to the marines, or air force, what ever comes pray for me.
>
> MattI vote for the Marnies. :)
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 5, 2006, at 2:00:11
In reply to Re: Should i join the Army or Marnies to get out?, posted by psychobot5000 on October 3, 2006, at 23:28:25
> but you are also ... joining a community that believes in rigid control.
Like this one? :-)
Bob
Posted by Poet on October 5, 2006, at 11:43:02
In reply to Should i join the Army or Marnies to get out?, posted by Rjlockhart on October 2, 2006, at 18:49:29
Hi Matt,
I'm putting myself in your place and this is what I would do. I would go to school part time and work fulltime somewhere with benefits so I had my own insurance. Hopefully I would save up enough money that I could move out even if I had to have two roomates to accomplish it.
The military is not for me at all, so I can only tell you what I would do. Hope I helped a little bit.
Poet
Posted by corafree on October 5, 2006, at 12:27:34
In reply to Should i join the Army or Marnies to get out?, posted by Rjlockhart on October 2, 2006, at 18:49:29
U could take me home w/ you and "I KNOW", 'I' would come between U2. (Actually might be safer to ship out.)
Better yet, I pick Poet's answer.
don'tjointhemarnies, cf
Posted by rjlockhart on October 7, 2006, at 0:10:32
In reply to Re: Should i join the Army or Marnies to get out? » Rjlockhart, posted by corafree on October 5, 2006, at 12:27:34
OK,
If i join, now reconsidering but, yes if i sign that paper, im in there is no going back. That is really going to but a fire on me. I could be thinking 3 years already in the miltary that i could of done something else.... with an 8 year contract.
I could have buddies to make friends with to improve my self but still, intense psychial stress, mental, but they could be there with me.
What am i looking for? a purpose. Should i go to the army? Am i looking for something that i more complex control which is the same that is at home.
Posted by laima on October 7, 2006, at 1:09:59
In reply to Re: Should i join the Army or Marnies to get out?, posted by rjlockhart on October 7, 2006, at 0:10:32
Matt,DONT SIGN ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you actually end up in a recruriting office, say "I want to take this home to look it over and think about it". They'll surely pressure you, but that will be a test of strength.
If you sign, that's no joke. You're stuck. And you are too young and sensitive for that. Why not give yourself a compromise, such as, "Ok- I'll try to live on a college campus for a year, and if it sucks, I'll reconsider". Can you do that? Make it less impulsive, less drastic? Getting ADD meds seems like a dubious reason to join the military. Do you want to risk losing limbs or being tortured for that?? Find some people who have returned from Iraq, Afganistan, etc, and talk to them about their experiences as much as possible? Don't forget the possibility of Iran, please?
We on the board are very fond of you and want the best for you. I think I can assert that fairly confidently. Be well, Matt, and be good to yourself. Even if in the future you are sure the military is right for you, I bet anything you'd be a better, stronger, far more capable soldier when your mental health is in order and more stable. I think you'd also feel better and more confident about it for doing such extensive research.
Best wishes,
Laima
Posted by Phillipa on October 7, 2006, at 19:22:32
In reply to Re: Should i join the Army or Marnies to get out? » rjlockhart, posted by laima on October 7, 2006, at 1:09:59
Matt read your other thread on joining. Love Phillipa
Posted by Lindenblüte on October 8, 2006, at 13:40:18
In reply to Should i join the Army or Marnies to get out?, posted by Rjlockhart on October 2, 2006, at 18:49:29
Join the Coast Guard. You won't have to go overseas. You won't have to hurt people. You can save lives instead. And, you get to live near the ocean (or at least the lake!)
just know that the recruiters do a thorough tox screen and take a psych. history. Be prepared to either lie OR deny your mental health history.
best to you
Li
(why not just move out far away and get a job somewhere else that doesn't require a contract? Do you really want Pres. Bush to be your boss?)
Posted by Karen44 on October 8, 2006, at 13:40:19
In reply to Re: Should i join the Army or Marnies to get out? » Rjlockhart, posted by Lindenblüte on October 5, 2006, at 21:17:38
I am sorry to say, but you probably won't be able to join the military; It is not likely they will take you given that you are seeing a psychiatrist and are apparently taking psychotropic medications. I am sorry, but that is the truth of the matter.
From an ex-Marine
Karen44
Posted by Rjlockhart on October 8, 2006, at 13:43:18
I go see my doctor by myself with out my mother, I dont know what to do, if she finds out im on Dexedrine she will go crazy.
I need to get out of this enviorment. Live on my own. I dont know if, the marines are the awnser. Mainly i would i get killed. The air force is still in mind....
But i, i cant take the stress load of having a full time job and going to school, mainly because i have trouble focusing, keeping up, the quality of life would change if i went full time, i would be, i just would go crazy. Thats the other option and getting insurance and moving out, by myself immidately learning how to be independent. It's really a wreck.
I am about to go talk to a social worker. And see what i can do. Becuase i am 19 and i am consiered and adult. I am trapped in between a confort zone, which is home, i dont know if i should move out. This is ALL over medication. My mother is not going to change, there is no way i can convice her to change her mind. She will not treat me for ADD.
Am i taking this to extreme? the army would well lets say i would be supporting my country but everything would turn to turmoil. Iraq....
I dont know which is worse.I cant really stand up to her, because my stepdad backs me off and lets her do the bitching.
Well, i think its time for me to live on my own. But i dont know im in a pre-life crisis.
Someone help. And should i join the military?
Matt
Posted by Phillipa on October 8, 2006, at 13:43:19
In reply to The day is counting down...., posted by Rjlockhart on October 2, 2006, at 20:33:05
No!!!!!!!!!!I love you Matt. love Phillipa
Posted by yxibow on October 8, 2006, at 13:43:19
In reply to The day is counting down...., posted by Rjlockhart on October 2, 2006, at 20:33:05
Double no, and it isn't just political. See above.
Posted by lymom3 on October 8, 2006, at 13:45:11
In reply to Re: The day is counting down.... » Rjlockhart, posted by yxibow on October 3, 2006, at 1:01:44
I hate to break your bubble but with your psychiatric history, the military won't take you. Feel free to try it, but I have an 18 year old who is ADHD and we researched it and discarded it.
Below are the guidelines...judge for yourself based on your situation.
ADD/ADHD
ADD/ADHD is disqualifying if the applicant has been treated with ADD/ADHD medication within the previous year and/or they display signs of ADD/ADHD. For applicants with a previous history of ADD/ADHD who have been off medication for more than one year, and they do no demonstrate significant impulsivity or inattention during MEPS processing, the MEPS examining official may find them qualified for military service without submission of a waiver.Records review is still required. Any history of being evaluated or treated for ADD/ADHD must be documented. As a minimum, all treatment (if any) within the previous three years must be submitted to MEPS, in advance, as part of the medical pre-screening. Full medical records are required if the applicant was ever treated for ADD or ADHD with any medication other than Ritalin, Adderal, or Dexedrine, or if there were any additional psychiatric symptoms, such as, but not limited to, depression.
Posted by mike lynch on October 8, 2006, at 13:45:12
In reply to Re: The day is counting down...., posted by lymom3 on October 3, 2006, at 7:24:25
Seriously, the recruiters around here are crazy, and will go through any lengths to manipulate you into going. The recruiters wouldn't stop calling me, and even when I said I was ineligable due to ssri's, he said he'd take care of it and blah ,blah, if they're desperate enough they'll take u
Posted by Rjlockhart on October 8, 2006, at 13:45:12
In reply to Re: The day is counting down...., posted by lymom3 on October 3, 2006, at 7:24:25
How did you get this information, i was called about a year ago from an army recuriter and i told him i was on Dexedrine, he said "oh so you have something to keep you going" He percisted to call. I eventually gave up, going my own way.
I dont know how, i may email the air force website and ask if medication is possible for this situation such as in training for the classes to keep up to pay attention. But i dont know still what i am going to do. I may just get a full time job like I said and go crazy, and then get stable after a couple of months, what im saying right now i feel im in my confort zone at home, but at the same time my mother can be very sweet, then just turn and go NUTS. Why would i post something like this if there was nothing happening and everything was fine. Very controlling, she was addicted to diet pills, she see's herself in me, she doesnt want me on stimulants. I cant do anything, without having an arguement, CANNOT see the psychiatrist by myself, i have to go by myself without her. Its a very rough time right now, i dont know what im goning to do.
But thank for your advice on this.
Matt
Posted by Phillipa on October 8, 2006, at 13:45:13
In reply to Re: The day is counting down....Lymom3, posted by Rjlockhart on October 3, 2006, at 16:16:03
Maybe it's not you Matt maybe it's her and she's the one who needs to go to a pdoc or therapist or what about those hormones? Love Phillipa
Posted by rjlockhart on October 8, 2006, at 13:45:13
In reply to Re: The day is counting down....Lymom3, posted by Rjlockhart on October 3, 2006, at 16:16:03
First of all I have thought about asking about getting prescribed Prescription Testosterone. To be more, feel dominant, because my mom is very unstable at times and feels she has to control the situation, she has taken care of my speeding tickets, my court for the wreck.....im giving her credit for that, she does go out of her way for me.......sometimes. But im telling you she will say a big fat "no" to dexedrine, if she finds out im taking it with out her knowlage she will go nuts, its her that doesnt want me to be on stimulants, she thinks im Bi Poler and it will trigger and manic episode, which it did not,
but as i said i abused it some in the past but she overreacted, i cannot focus hardly at all in class, i feel helpless, on the wrong page, have no clue on what is happening... well that is putting it mild.
Im taking deep breath. The miltary could be something i could do, i talked today at work about it, they said the marines would tear my *ss up, i would not be matt anymore. Im reconidering about this, the air force maybe...... but still alot of stress, and a whole new envorment, new attitude, i dont know if they would prescribe medication if i was having a very hard time focusing as i am in class right now.
Anyways, phillipa im still going to email the air force.
Thanks for the advice.
Posted by yxibow on October 8, 2006, at 13:45:14
In reply to Re: The day is counting down....Lymom3, posted by rjlockhart on October 3, 2006, at 22:45:28
> First of all I have thought about asking about getting prescribed Prescription Testosterone. To be more, feel dominant, because my mom is very unstable at times and feels she has to control the situation, she has taken care of my speeding tickets, my court for the wreck.....im giving her credit for that, she does go out of her way for me.......sometimes.
No sane doctor is going to prescribe you testosterone unless you were a woman considering a sex change. Please, I'm not trying to be rude, but come back to earth with us. I know you're hurting and trying to figure a way out, but brash ideas will have brash consequences.
But im telling you she will say a big fat "no" to dexedrine, if she finds out im taking it with out her knowlage she will go nuts, its her that doesnt want me to be on stimulants, she thinks im Bi Poler and it will trigger and manic episode, which it did not,
>
> but as i said i abused it some in the past but she overreacted, i cannot focus hardly at all in class, i feel helpless, on the wrong page, have no clue on what is happening... well that is putting it mild.
>
> Im taking deep breath. The miltary could be something i could do, i talked today at work about it, they said the marines would tear my *ss up, i would not be matt anymore. Im reconidering about this, the air force maybe...... but still alot of stress, and a whole new envorment, new attitude, i dont know if they would prescribe medication if i was having a very hard time focusing as i am in class right now.
>
> Anyways, phillipa im still going to email the air force.It sounds like at the same time as you cannot stand your mother micromanaging your life, you want a higher authority to do the same -- namely the government and the military. Why choose this over other more productive, life changing plans that don't have a chance of maiming or getting yourself killed? It sounds, and I'll get slapped because this is seemingly political, but I do support our troops regardless of the political climate because they're human beings in harms way, that you're almost trying to commit suicide by proxy. Don't do it, please.
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