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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 12 to 36 of 545. Go back in thread:
Posted by Simus on March 25, 2004, at 2:18:45
In reply to Sandy, posted by jlynne on March 24, 2004, at 22:04:04
Sandy,
I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, TO BE STRENGTHENED WITH MIGHT THROUGH HIS SPIRIT IN YOUR INNER PERSON, that Christ may dwell in your heart through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height--to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now TO HIM WHO IS ABLE TO DO EXCEEDINGLY ABUNDANTLY ABOVE ALL THAT YOU ASK OR THINK, ACCORDING TO THE POWER THAT WORKS IN YOU, TO HIM BE THE GLORY in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen. (derived from Ephesians 3:14-21)
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"Therefore, do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward. FOR YOU HAVE NEED OF ENDURANCE, SO THAT after you have done the will of God, YOU MAY RECEIVE THE PROMISE." Hebrews 10:35-36 **************************************************"...having done all to stand, stand therefore..." Ephesians 6:13-14
"Do not sorrow, for the joy of the Lord is your strength." Nehemiah 8:10
Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5
Posted by SandyWeb on March 25, 2004, at 5:53:51
In reply to Sandy - Endurance, posted by Simus on March 25, 2004, at 2:18:45
Simus,
Is your email not working yet?
Sandy
Posted by Simus on March 25, 2004, at 6:36:39
In reply to Re: » Simus, posted by SandyWeb on March 25, 2004, at 5:53:51
Sandy,
I got your e-mail, and sent one back. Didn't you get it?
Simus
Posted by SandyWeb on March 25, 2004, at 8:12:08
In reply to Hello,SandyWeb, posted by jlynne on March 23, 2004, at 23:19:56
Girls,
It's just another one of those days. The clinical placements were posted today. I was so looking forward to it.
I'm stopping my meds. I might as well be me. And I'm not trying to get any feedback on this: but I'm going to have a bottle of sparkling wine today! I haven't had a drink since September. I think I deserve to get buzzed. Now, where are those sleeping pills? Ha ha!!! Just kidding!!!! *smile*
I don't think I want to post here anymore. I think that I'm just dragging you down. Normally, I'm not like this. I'm usually joking and looking at the bright side. But it's just not a normal time for me. I know you girls are in recovery, and it doesn't take much to tip the scales in the wrong direction. So I'm going to step out of the picture. I'm not doing well myself, and I don't want to hurt you in any way....because that wouldn't be my intention.
I think as I'm drinking I'm going to pack up my nursing books. I must have $1000 worth of them just here in my livingroom!!! School is expensive, huh?? I'm sure some student will appreciate free textbooks! And time to toss out all my binders and notes. *sigh* And what to do with my $200 stethoscope. Anyone want it? It's an excellent one....a Littman Cardiology III. It has my name plate on it, but you could somehow remove that. And I have a ton of scrubs. I guess I'll pack those up with the books.
It's just so final to get rid of my nursing history.....but I don't have any more use for it all. Somebody else will absolutely be appreciative of it. Glad I could help.
I wish you all the best in your recovery. Thank you, girls, for taking the time to say "hi". "Hi" right back at ya! Lol!! Take care.
God bless,
Sandy
Posted by fallsfall on March 25, 2004, at 8:55:35
In reply to Re: Hello,SandyWeb, posted by SandyWeb on March 25, 2004, at 8:12:08
Hi.
I was just going to say hello, and it looks like you are saying goodbye! If you would like to stay, we'd like to have you.
I know so well the day after a day of excitement, when just holding your head up seems like an awful lot of work. But I find that if I take it easy and do things that I like (and don't do things I don't want to do), that I do, eventually start to feel better.
I didn't see why you were quitting school? You were studying to be a nurse?
It is so hard to watch our children have problems. But I do know that I have been able to teach my children some of the things that I've learned in therapy. Somehow, they understand them faster and better than I do...
We all have times when we feel like we are dragging everybody down, but this board can handle that - we are here to support each other. Today it is your turn to need support. I have therapy this afternoon, so this evening will probably be my turn!
I decided, in my bleakest moment, that my daughter deserved to have her mother be there until she graduated from High School (3 years) - like I was there for her siblings. I couldn't imagine any way that things could change for me, that I would ever not be in intolerable pain. But things did change. They do that sometimes.
Falls.
Posted by Simus on March 25, 2004, at 9:10:21
In reply to Re: Hello,SandyWeb, posted by SandyWeb on March 25, 2004, at 8:12:08
Sandy,
It is your choice on the meds. But please, before you do anything, could you read up on going off them cold-turkey? It can actually be dangerous as well as painful.
Simus
Posted by SandyWeb on March 25, 2004, at 12:41:45
In reply to Re: Hello,SandyWeb, posted by Simus on March 25, 2004, at 9:10:21
Just found out my uncle passed away yesterday. He had a great sense of humor! And he was a wonderful Christian man. I feel so bad for everyone.
Here is his obituary:
http://www.obituariestoday.com/Obituaries/ObitShow.cfm?Obituary_ID=31681I hope that link works.
God bless,
Sandy
Posted by jlynne on March 25, 2004, at 13:03:32
In reply to Re: Hello,SandyWeb, posted by SandyWeb on March 25, 2004, at 8:12:08
>> I don't think I want to post here anymore.
Sandy, it is your choice how you want to deal with your situation, and I know that it is probably draining to try to write when you are feeling like this, but I would like to see you stick around, if you can.
How did your daughter do last night?
...jlynne
Posted by gardenergirl on March 25, 2004, at 13:09:05
In reply to Re: Hello,SandyWeb, posted by SandyWeb on March 25, 2004, at 12:41:45
I'm SO sorry for your loss. I know I would be devastated if I lost one of mine.
(((SandyWeb)))
Take care,
gg
Posted by SandyWeb on March 25, 2004, at 13:12:22
In reply to Re: Hello,SandyWeb, posted by gardenergirl on March 25, 2004, at 13:09:05
I don't feel good with all that is happening today.
Posted by Simus on March 25, 2004, at 13:59:42
In reply to Re: Hello,SandyWeb, posted by SandyWeb on March 25, 2004, at 12:41:45
Posted by Jai Narayan on March 25, 2004, at 16:10:21
In reply to Sandy, very sorry to hear. (nm), posted by Simus on March 25, 2004, at 13:59:42
You have been through so much. My heart goes out to you. I have been following this thread and I think you have been so supportive and kind. I just hope you can take a moment and just look at all the wonderful things you have done. I appreciate you.
Posted by sekou on March 25, 2004, at 18:18:40
In reply to Re: Hello,SandyWeb, posted by SandyWeb on March 25, 2004, at 8:12:08
Hi Sandy, (Sorry for this long post everyone!)
I am sorry to hear about your loss. I've been reading your posts and responses today during a very "low" time for me. I can certainly understand the pain and frustration you might be experiencing with the trials of nursing school. Back in 1992 I was dismissed from nursing school. I understand the student loan burden, the "not having anything to hope for" burden. The grace period on my loans expired and the lenders were hunting me down. I AM totally there with you. My family was not supportive, my boyfriend at the time was emotionally abusive. I was broke and living from paycheck to paycheck - not to mention I was clinically depressed but not being treated at that time. I thought about suicide all the time. At that time, I saw "no way out".
I got a forbearance on ALL of my loans (BTW, I owe more than $100K). It's not difficult at all if your financial situation is compromised. There are various payment options for all kinds of financial situations. Believe me, I've looked into them all. Consolidation, emergency postponement..you name it.
During this horrible time, all I could do each day was to go to work and I barely did that. I worked in a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit as a Nurse technician.
What made the difference for me was understanding the will and the strength of those little ones. I was so inspired by their innate will to survive. I knew it was in me too, even though I wanted to kill myself most of the time.
Now it's more than 10 years later, and my life has turned around. I am going into another decade of my life and they say 40's are even better. I am living more now than ever - still broke, still in school getting my PhD, still deferring all my past loans - but this is my life, and I am ok for now. When I say "living" I mean that I see my life as a canvas. I am painting on it, creating it. And when I fall, I paint over that mess and create something new.
You see, what you have to look for may not be within your vision right now, but MOST DEFINITELY, you can create the painting - whatever you choose that to be.
Last year, I had a suicide attempt and I decided to walk right into counseling services on campus. I LITERALLY walked out of the house and drove to the student union in front of everyone looking for help. I had nothing but that innate will that those "little ones" have.
I am currently getting treatment for my depression. My life is complicated still. But I live to enjoy the smell of the rain on the most difficult days. I enjoy the silence I have when I want to be alone. I meditate on my sadness when I feel like life isn't fair. I might not be vacationing in hawaii or rich, but your richenss, your magnificent life is inside of you wanting, SCREAMING to come out. I feel it.
I believe you WILL survive. We are all survivors each day we decide to make tomorrow our goal. Please, be gentle with yourself. You're a human, emotional, and wonderful person. Please stay connected.
cheers,
-sekou> Girls,
>
> It's just another one of those days. The clinical placements were posted today. I was so looking forward to it.
>
> I'm stopping my meds. I might as well be me. And I'm not trying to get any feedback on this: but I'm going to have a bottle of sparkling wine today! I haven't had a drink since September. I think I deserve to get buzzed. Now, where are those sleeping pills? Ha ha!!! Just kidding!!!! *smile*
>
> I don't think I want to post here anymore. I think that I'm just dragging you down. Normally, I'm not like this. I'm usually joking and looking at the bright side. But it's just not a normal time for me. I know you girls are in recovery, and it doesn't take much to tip the scales in the wrong direction. So I'm going to step out of the picture. I'm not doing well myself, and I don't want to hurt you in any way....because that wouldn't be my intention.
>
> I think as I'm drinking I'm going to pack up my nursing books. I must have $1000 worth of them just here in my livingroom!!! School is expensive, huh?? I'm sure some student will appreciate free textbooks! And time to toss out all my binders and notes. *sigh* And what to do with my $200 stethoscope. Anyone want it? It's an excellent one....a Littman Cardiology III. It has my name plate on it, but you could somehow remove that. And I have a ton of scrubs. I guess I'll pack those up with the books.
>
> It's just so final to get rid of my nursing history.....but I don't have any more use for it all. Somebody else will absolutely be appreciative of it. Glad I could help.
>
> I wish you all the best in your recovery. Thank you, girls, for taking the time to say "hi". "Hi" right back at ya! Lol!! Take care.
>
> God bless,
>
> Sandy
>
Posted by rainyday on March 25, 2004, at 18:47:38
In reply to Re: Hello,SandyWeb, posted by sekou on March 25, 2004, at 18:18:40
There was never a more elequent post.
Please stay in touch. Life is precious, even our own, when we think we do not deserve it.
Posted by Jai Narayan on March 26, 2004, at 9:13:42
In reply to Re: Hello,SandyWeb, posted by sekou on March 25, 2004, at 18:18:40
Posted by sekou on March 26, 2004, at 10:18:07
In reply to wonderful post sekou, thanks! (nm), posted by Jai Narayan on March 26, 2004, at 9:13:42
Posted by SandyWeb on March 26, 2004, at 13:04:56
In reply to Re: Hello,SandyWeb, posted by sekou on March 25, 2004, at 18:18:40
I just put a big box of supplies together for a nursing student to practice with. There are dressing trays, IV kits, syringes, cathetars, gloves, etc, etc. I feel a pit in my tummy. Bye bye career. It seems so final when you pack things up.
I am FREEZING today. I just can not get warm. This must be what the body feels like when it dies! Remind me to bring a warm coat when I take that walk! Ha ha!
Sekou, that was a wonderful story that you shared with us. I am so happy that you are able to overcome. Such a capacity for survival! I'm happy for you.
But you are going for your PhD? I don't even have my Bachelors....and I never will. I have NO skills. I have NO future. When the kids are gone, I won't even have welfare. And even if I got on Disability by some miracle, what a humiliation I would be to my kids. And I certainly can't face my family even now....with them so proud of what I was doing, and now I just show once again what a failure I am. Talk the talk, but can't WALK the talk.I sit here in my chair and just look at the carpet. And that's my life as far as I can see into the future. There is nothing left to struggle for.....I blew it, just like I always do. Pity party....wha wha wha. *smile*
I don't know. It's just so final to get rid of my nursing stuff. And with clinicals being decided now. I've always enjoyed clinicals....it's wonderful to see in action everything you've been studying. It's just neat to keep building upon your knowledge base.
But.....away it fritters. I started having my darn anxiety issues, just like last year. And I just couldn't get it together enough to complete the classes. And this was my last chance.....no more money or time now. For anything. I would find myself on the street when the kids grow up!
I don't know. Sorry for rambling. I just don't know. I'm freezing, I'm tired, I've lost my appetite, and I can't think. I just want to curl up somewhere and sleep for a long time. Where's that tree I was talking about? Ha ha! Just kidding!
Back to packing things up.
Cya!
Sandy
Posted by octopusprime on March 26, 2004, at 22:46:05
In reply to Re: Hello,SandyWeb, posted by SandyWeb on March 26, 2004, at 13:04:56
SandyWeb, I'm sorry to hear you are having a tough time.
It is so hard when somebody we love dies or when we don't achieve something we have worked very hard for. It always seems darkest just before the dawn. I will have you in my thoughts, I hope you will get some peace and space to heal.
Re: student loans: if you have a Canada Student Loan, interest and repayments can be suspended. See this link for more info:
http://www.canlearn.ca/nslsc/repay/NS/nlObtRepAss.cfm?LANGNSLSC=en&IT=PUBLIC&row=2what are you reading right now? i hope you are enjoying your books.
Posted by jlynne on March 27, 2004, at 1:06:11
In reply to Re: Hello,SandyWeb, posted by SandyWeb on March 26, 2004, at 13:04:56
> I don't know. It's just so final to get rid of my nursing stuff.<
What a bummer. I am amazed that you are still able to write to us at all, but I'm glad that you are:)
I'm exhausted from the grandkids tonight (just took the last one home). I don't have a lot of energy for writing cheery stuff, but I wanted to let you know that I am still here, and still praying for you.
(((HUGS)))
...jlynne
Posted by SandyWeb on March 27, 2004, at 4:12:18
In reply to Re: Hello,SandyWeb » SandyWeb, posted by octopusprime on March 26, 2004, at 22:46:05
I'm not reading any books right now. I don't have the energy nor the interest in reading books at this time. I was just saying that I don't see much ahead in my future other than sitting on my bum and reading.
I think I've already used up all my Interest Relief for the Canada Student Loans. They will be wanting repayment to start soon.
Thanks for the post.
Hugs,
Sandy
Posted by SandyWeb on March 27, 2004, at 4:20:19
In reply to Sandy, posted by jlynne on March 27, 2004, at 1:06:11
I went for a 2-hour walk last night.
It started to rain. *sigh*
Came back home and went to bed early.
Couldn't sleep.
Packed up my scrub sets and 3 pairs of NurseMates shoes yesterday as well. Unlatched my ID from my scrub jacket.
Now I just wait.
Hugs,
Sandy
Posted by sekou on March 27, 2004, at 8:10:53
In reply to Re: Sandy » jlynne, posted by SandyWeb on March 27, 2004, at 4:20:19
Sandy,
I flew in late last night to Atlanta just to discover that my luggage was lost. of course all my meds were in there. What a negligent thing to do! I have all this work to do for next week, and where is my stuff...? In luggage-land I suppose... Just think, I am here comforting a friend whose 2 year just passed from a rare form of brain cancer. This was his first child.
My issues seem pretty miniscule when I reflect on his. However, this really isn't the point.
Reality check...things are falling apart right where we are, most of the time. I guess we're all engaged on some level of "putting things together"...or not. And when things fall apart to the extent we cannot fathom...to the extent that we feel we have nothing...I guess that's the point we've come face to face with our greatest potential ever.
This reminds me of a bible verse...goes something like this.."In our weakness, God is made strong."
I hope we all experience the best of today to the fullest, even if that means all we do is get wet in the rain.
cheers
Posted by SandyWeb on March 27, 2004, at 9:04:19
In reply to Re: Sandy » SandyWeb, posted by sekou on March 27, 2004, at 8:10:53
Sekou,
I love the person that you appear to be. Such a strong lady with a good sense of humor!
But you are mistaken when you say that this is the point where we come face-to-face with our greatest potential ever. At least with me.
I've been putting on the strong face for too many years now. I've been doing the "in weakness, God is made strong" bit for an eternity it seems.
Now I come face-to-face with the fact.....that I'm TIRED.....tired, tired, tired, tired, tired, tired. I just can't seem to get anywhere....and I want to stop trying.
You have all been wonderful with your motivational speeches, and I'm sorry to bring you down and bore you away with my poor-pitiful-Sandy. I'm actually not feeling sorry for myself. I'm just deflated and worn out.
Maybe I should give that "heads up" to Dr. Bob. I don't know. Maybe I should just cry. Maybe I should run away to DisneyWorld!! Lol! Maybe I should dig a hole and bury myself in it. Maybe I should cuddle up with my little kitty cat. Maybe I should get drunk. Maybe I should sit out in the winter rain. Maybe I should slip in front of a car. Ha!! Maybe I should go see my doctor. Maybe I should rent a bunch of comedy movies and re-learn how to laugh. Maybe I should go back to my husband. Maybe I should try to find God again. Maybe I should wait on tomorrow.
Ramble, ramble. The brain goes clickety-CLUNK! Lol!
I'm cold, so I'm jumping back under my blanket again.
Me
Posted by Magdalena on March 27, 2004, at 13:07:05
In reply to Re: Hello,SandyWeb, posted by SandyWeb on March 25, 2004, at 12:41:45
Sandy im sorry about your loss. I was just wondering if you are from Brampton as well. You dont have to answer if you dont want, but thats where i live too. i know that funeral home, i grew up here, i just thought everyone here was from far far away...
Posted by gardenergirl on March 27, 2004, at 13:33:56
In reply to Re: Sandy » sekou, posted by SandyWeb on March 27, 2004, at 9:04:19
Oh Sandy,
I just ache for you. Your posts reflect such pain. I have read prior posts and know what you went through with the police and all. But I think your questioning whether maybe you should give Dr. Bob that heads up is significant. It sounds like you feel really hopeless, but that you really want some hope. Please let others help you to find that again. Whether it is through more intensive meds or counseling, or checking into the hospital for a bit, please allow yourself to rely on others for a time.You sound so tired, I wish I could provide a shoulder to lean on and some good old fashioned care-taking. Everyone deserves that and needs that from time to time.
I hope and pray that you can find it and accept it where you are.
Please keep posting.
gg
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