Posted by Damos on March 23, 2006, at 22:12:17
In reply to Re: :-(, posted by special_k on March 23, 2006, at 4:13:20
You're right.....I know you are...thank you
Just plain flat today
And that's part of the problem
It comes in waves, something I'm not used to
So I'm swinging from "Yeah I'm okay"
To "I'm so not okay" from one day to the next
One hour to the next, and I don't like it one little bit
And it's all mixed together, not clearly this stuff or that stuff
And it's not just work stuff, thought that's seems to be the worst of it
Guess I've been holding all that stuff in
Making sure everyone else was okay, and just doing stuff that needed to be done - I had to do
Hoping that it'd sort itself out in time, but it's 10 months now and it hasn't - it's worse if anything
And in all that I forgot to take care of myself, grieve the losses, feel the feelings, check my own okayness
Question whether this change was really something that I wanted to be part ofIt's home stuff and me stuff too
Guess that there are experiences that change us, leave us changed
Good experiences, beautiful, ones we couldn't have imagined not so long ago
Ones that show us how far we've come and how much we've grown
Are still growing and changing - becoming - finally
Let us glimpse our true self
But the bits don't go back together again the way they did before
And it all crashes up against each other - hard
And the questioning starts - hard questioning
And choosing not make choices becomes unacceptable, unbearable
As does the way thing are that don't fit with your becoming
And sometimes you hear yourself speak the truth
And it's so remarkable and surprising that you literally come out of yourself
And see yourself speaking this deep truth
That you'd never admitted before - never really known or realised
That you can't quite accept is coming from within you - is truly your truth
And things crash more
Things become more unacceptable, harder to live with
Make you really question you
And sometimes there are no answers
And others you just plain don't likeBut I will come right......I will
And people do care and that means so much
(((((special_k)))))
poster:Damos
thread:623529
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20060125/msgs/623979.html