Posted by dove on April 28, 2005, at 9:42:20
In reply to Re: Alex? I'm sorry if I've offended you, posted by alexandra_k on April 28, 2005, at 4:58:15
Everyone's honesty and sensitivity has moved me greatly, so I will take my own leap of faith...
It is being "chosen" by someone.
Someone, whom is worthy deems me worthy
A being of value wants me
wants my attention, affection
wants to feel me
to look at me
to hear my thoughts
They have chosen to love me
and maybe now I don't feel so worthless...True, maybe they are just using me
or perhaps, I am using them
in this twisted reality
but it feels like I am more than ordinary
less than undesirable.I left my husband for a short period two years ago.
To be with a man of great physical
and intellectual attractiveness
who adored me, controlled me.
Who gave me unwavering attention.
Who gave me undying affection.
Eventually--two weeks after we met--he demanded
that I divorce my husband
and marry him (I did not).Soon, I was not allowed to leave the house except
to go directly to work and back.
I was not even allowed to use the bathroom alone.
He made all my meals and stared at me while I ate them.
He forcefully embedded himself into every aspect of my existence.He became violent and psychotic when I tried to leave.
He stalked me for over a year.
He tried to chop me up with a sword
because I didn't love him enough.
The only reason I am currently free of him
is because he is locked up.
It is not necessarily finished yet...Additionally, I became pregnant by this man
who controlled every med I put in my mouth.
Who allowed me to overdose and kept me
locked in his room unconscious for three days.However, the real tragedy occurred not to me
but to my family.
I had hurt my family enormously.
I had rejected them all for a fling.
Rejected them so I could feel adored.
Realizing only after the injuries were committed
that this does not constitute real love.Real love does not promote itself.
Real love does not indulge every whim
in order to keep you within it's grasp.
Real love has real boundaries
real attachments,
responsibilities,
and it has a conscience.It desires to be reciprocated of free will
and free of charge.
It does not demand superiority.
It does not continuously exploit vulnerabilities
to its advantage.
It is not a cage, a prison or a punishment.
It is not a taskmaster, a slave owner, a warden.
If it resembles any of these
it is a liar.dove
poster:dove
thread:489108
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20050419/msgs/490779.html