Posted by daisym on August 29, 2004, at 16:35:45
In reply to Re: poem...Contradiction » malthus, posted by Atticus on August 29, 2004, at 16:02:18
Atticus,
You've obviously done a lot of thinking about her position and her need to protect herself. It is interesting for me to read, being "in it" at the moment. My husband has two chronic illnesses that bring him frequently to the brink of death and have changed him from a funny, sweet guy to a bitter, angry person. The meds (steroids) certainly add to this. I'm the easy target. As much as I understand the "whys" it gets hard to live with. Yet, I can't help but remind myself that I made a promise. And this is the "for worst" part. And there ARE glimmers of the man I love still.
You talked about her reliving her childhood. It feels that way to me sometimes too. I take the (verbal) abuse and let it roll off and I hide what it is really like to live in this from almost everyone. I walked on egg shells throughout my childhood. I'm doing it again now. I never knew what would set my father off, I don't know with my husband now.
My therapist tells me I'm being retraumatized. But he knows how strongly I feel about keeping things as normal as possible for my kids and not running from this. It might take 5 years for it to be over, and who knows if I can stick it out? So I spend lots of my therapy time working on ways to thicken my skin and separate the past from the present.
I just wanted you to know what your post made me think about. In going back to some of your writing, it adds a layer of understanding I didn't have before.
poster:daisym
thread:383532
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20040828/msgs/383757.html