Posted by B2chica on August 25, 2004, at 10:42:56
i just want to sleep...forever.
it sounds so simple,
so sweet,
so gentle.
i place each pill gently on my tongue
slowly swallowing, my eyes softly closed.
gripping tightly, my fingers white,
the glass of cool water that pushes down my small round wish
to complete it's travels.
i repeat this four or five times as symbolic gestures,
then filling my palm with little white circles,
the circles ironically representing the cycle of life and death.
i intently shove them into my mouth,
my mouth so many times before sealed shut
with my voice ripped out.
i quickly cringe at the bitter taste filling my mouth
but swallow hard knowing the soft peace it will bring.
i relax.
my part is complete.
i wait.i don't understand,
i stay confused with these horrorful feelings of hurt
i had hoped with sickly excited anticipation
that knowing what was to come would clear my mind and heal the pain.
instead a nervousness,
an uncomfortable fear creeped within my muttled mind.my eyes flash and the haze disappears.
it wasn't real.
a rush feeling of relief comes
only to be quickly overpowered
by disappointment and sadness...of failure.Yet again, One more feeling of shame.
poster:B2chica
thread:382106
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20040729/msgs/382106.html