Posted by Atticus on July 24, 2004, at 20:08:09
In reply to just let me vent and it'll get better., posted by B2chica on July 24, 2004, at 16:31:09
Please stop and listen, if only for a minute. No matter what you may feel at this terrible moment, one thing you are clearly not is weak. Do you think I feel strong when I see the three scars that remain from splitting my veins from the wrist to halfway up my left forearm? Believe me, I have a pretty good idea where your head is at right now, and I'm really concerned you'll hurt yourself. On June 2, the day of my suicide attempt, I just wanted to evaporate like morning dew, to be expunged from the face of the Earth. I really thought, like you, that I was only prolonging the agony for myself and everyone else. But you're not giving yourself enough credit. By not acting on your impulses, you're showing a lot more strength than I did. And you may not think it, but lots of people WILL miss you. The first time my mother and sister visited me on the psychiatric ward, I was so filled with apprehension, I couldn't even look them in the face at first. I felt terrible, ashamed, for dragging them into my mess of a life. But I was astonished at how supportive they turned out to be, and I think if you just turn to your family now, you will be too. I admit, it's taken a lot of explaining to communicate the idea that I'm never, ever going to be "better" or "cured." And frankly, I'm not sure if they've really "gotten" it yet. But just keep trying. The metaphor I always use is diabetes. A diabetic can control, can manage, his or her illness, but it will never go away. The same is true of the wicked curveball that you and I have been thrown with our brain chemistry; it's just as much a physical condition as diabetes. Please write me back and let me know you won't do anything to yourself tonight. I know we only know each other as names and poems on a message board, but your comments have meant a lot to me, a whole lot, and I'd really miss them and you if you disappeared. So would a lot of other people in our little virtual community. You have inherent value, and you don't have to do anything, say anything, or look any particular way to justify it. I've been in the abyss you're writing from, and there are a lot better ways to climb out of it than the method I used. Atticus
poster:Atticus
thread:370041
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20040320/msgs/370097.html