Posted by Honore on July 3, 2007, at 13:46:46
In reply to Re: Work, Painting, posted by Honore on July 1, 2007, at 9:12:21
I've realized that the way my work goes affects my mood tremendously, really dominates it. If my work is going well, I feel okay; if it's not I feel unable to get to the next minute unless I watch tv or go online, or somehow distract myself.
But I'm angrier when I read things and more anxious if I have to go anywhere. I think my general affect is so different even though I'm not aware of it-- really grim, and harsh, or withdrawn and somehow distant. I wasn't sure at first what was causing it, but last night, it was clear, after working at the jewelry studio on the cutting of the tree, I realized that it really is my work, not vague other things. I was in such a terrible, caustic (inwardly) mood, beause it felt like it wasn't going well, and I was crude and breaking saw blades, which isn't really like me. And the branches that I could see looked more distorted, than well articulated. So my mood, which could have been happy, if it had gone well, was really depressed.
I didn't feel like going out to dinner, which Jeffrey was really nice about. So we just went home.
I think the jewelry teacher was possibly mad at me because I left one of the pickle pots on. I guess I have mine at home on a low heat, so it stays on over night a lot, and I didn't think of it. Whereas theirs is very hot, and boils out. Anyway, she barely said a word to me-- although I wasn't needing or wanting her too- anyway. But I also think something's the matter, because she looked very upset on Sunday when I got there, and there's no bench class this week on either Thursday or Sunday.
But mainly, I noticed that it's really how badly my work has gone lately that's definitely been the thing that's caused me to be depressed, and not other things, which get caught up in my general depression.
Honore
poster:Honore
thread:761808
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/work/20061208/msgs/767395.html