Posted by Jost on November 4, 2006, at 22:32:19
In reply to Re: More work » Jost, posted by Dinah on November 4, 2006, at 1:26:58
I'm terrified of people. Don't know if they see me quaking, but I suspect people smell terror a mile off.
I decided not to work with H anymore. So I faxed (to be completely honest, my SigO faxed-- my terror extends to many means of connection with people)-- a flyer (I guess) to a couple of places.
I didn't really know he'd done it-- he just went out of the country for a week, and maybe he was in a particularly thoughtful and focussed mood about this--before leaving. He also bought three large containers of yogurt, a ton of vegetables and even cooked chicken. He knows Ill just run through whatever's in the house-- even if it's just bran flakes and ketchup--rather than shop or cook.
Someone called about the job during the afternoon, He talked to her. He urged me, before he leaving for the airport, to call her-- said she sounded interesting etc.
He knows this is about the last thing I want to do.
So after his plane took off, I did. ugh. what a mess. I was in such a state of panick, my voice was probably cracking, and I kept nervously saying rushed things at each silence.
I didn't ask if she had questions-- or ask her any-- I simply made an appointment for her to come. I think she was somewhat taken aback at my not doing that. I think she expected me to hold forth on my expectations, attitudes, requirements--- or something.
Afterward, I realized, he's going to be away when she comes! duh! It's hard enough for me to do this when he's in town. why did I do that, could someone tell me?
I had two half xanaxes after I got off the phone-- I am so inept, freakishly startled at every turn.
Yuck. (I revert to Yiddish in a crisis.) why did I do that? now she's going to come--and probably thinks I'm bizarrely skittish, incongruous or worse. She mentioned she was somewhere where some of her choreography was being performed. okay, I'm now officially going to hide under the couch.
Jost
poster:Jost
thread:698368
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/work/20060706/msgs/700475.html