Posted by verne on September 17, 2005, at 22:25:43
In reply to Verne! So great to see you here, posted by ClearSkies on September 17, 2005, at 7:11:44
It's been a rough two months. I somehow need to remind myself that my best day drinking is worse than my worst day sober. (did I say that right?) I can't even keep my AA cliches straight.
The worst part of being sober is dealing with the boredom, weak sense of self, and black and white thinking that goes with borderline personality disorder. At times I have to tell myself that how I feel "isn't real" and not get caught up in it.
I'm also very isolated, not in therapy, and not going to meetings. I had to dump one of my few friends because he was a huge enabler and drinker himself. I couldn't convince him to not take me on beer runs during my weaker moments. No amount of promises or "contracts" would help. If I called, he was there.
I try not to put too much stock in how long I've gone without drinking. If I don't keep it in the moment, or at least, the day, I get into trouble. It's like I get on a high horse and I'm proud of my accomplishment, forgetting that, left to myself and my own devices, I would probably drink. I've taken many a fall off that horse.
It's been rough, but I'm thankful.
Verne
poster:verne
thread:550703
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20050914/msgs/556159.html