Posted by Caper on October 27, 2004, at 9:54:17
In reply to Re: Back again- how are you all? I'm not so good. » Caper, posted by partlycloudy on October 26, 2004, at 14:57:43
Hi partlycloudy and antigua,
It's nice hearing from you again and knowing you are both still around.
partly cloudy, I'm glad you have an employer who is willing to give you some time to get things together. Please take care of yourself.
antigua and partlycloudy, thanks so much for the encouragement and just taking the time to reply to my ramblings.
Speaking of ramblings, I'm going to do some more right now. I'm sort of in a quandary and would love some honest input from you two and anyone else who reads this.
So, here it comes....
As far as AA goes, I went to another meeting last night. It was held at a 28 day inpatient program and I found out they have meetings every night. I felt surprisingly comfortable there, maybe because I've spent so much time in detox- sometimes 3 days, sometimes more. So that's the good news.....
The bad news is that after the meeting one of the counselors there talked to me and thinks I need to go there as an inpatient. That would be okay with me except that it would mean leaving my son AGAIN. I'd only get one visit a week with him. I can't decide what to do. I know the best thing for him is for me to get better for good, but he's already had to deal with me running off (in a manic state) three times in the past few months- I'm afraid of making him feel even more....I don't know the right word....uncertain? abandoned? like I don't care about him?
I DO care; I love him to death and have given up so much (willingly) to do what’s best for him. I was always able to do the best for him until the alcohol got me. I’m not abusive or belligerent or negligent when I’m drinking or anything like that (it’s sort of funny- no one ever knows when I’m drinking- they accuse me when I’m NOT and praise my “progress” when I’m drunk as hell. *sigh*) but drinking has put my life on hold and I’m starting to doubt whether I’ll ever get over it. I’m drinking less, but still drinking and now I’ve added another bad habit too, which I’ll discuss in a separate post.
So, I’m asking: Do I just try to continue my meds and therapy and AA every day or do I go to the 28 day rehab? Would it be selfish to go? If I go, my son will be well taken care of by my parents and my siblings, but there’s no substitute for one’s mother. I want to begin earning his trust back, and I’m not sure which option would be best. (He’s 10 years old, by the way.)
Any input would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks in advance,
Caper
poster:Caper
thread:407501
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20041013/msgs/407861.html