Posted by Dr. Bob on December 11, 2003, at 18:25:18
In reply to Re: Hi from Barbara « BarbaraCat, posted by Dr. Bob on December 11, 2003, at 18:22:48
[Posted by katia on December 11, 2003, at 15:53:19]
> Hi Barb!
> I was happy to see the post from you.
> WHEW!! my dear. just some quick responses to some of what you wrote -
> Soooo sorry to hear about your little teeger. But when he goes, he only goes away in kitty form. It's still hard to think about it.
>
> >>Long story short, I was accused of bringing evil, demonic, dark and negative energy into their house and had done so on many occasions in the past.
> **Man alive. what a bunch of freaks. talk about evading the shadow. serious shadow issues going on with them. It's not even about you - it's about them and their fears. Otherwise why couldn't a friend be there when you are mourning and in grief? That hurts Barbara. So badly. When friends suddenly turn on you when you thought you could be vulnerable and open with them. But the fact that you have it in you to be exposed and open/vulnerable is a gift. It's their problem to not be able to see that or receive it but mix their own shit in there and ignorantly project onto you.
>
> > Are we learning anything here from all this pain? Are we wearning ourselves down cause we don't know how to stop immersing ourselves in the pain? I'm just really pissed that someone who is a very good person, that would be myself, who really wants more than anything to just do my best and get a tad bit of enjoyment and happiness on the way keeps getting kicked in the gut.
>
> ** I soooo know what you mean here. It seems when something goes "wrong" then everything goes to pot as well. I can relate. Last summer was the WORST time of my life and I just kept getting hit in every direction. If it built anything at all, it certainly built strength, empathy, and depth in me. And I went to the most insane depths of my being, trying to hang on in anyway I could (this was also before I was on medication!!! or getting any treatment). I lost a baby, a boyfriend, and then a best friend all in three months - no job, no home, etc....and I just kept getting hit from all sides even outside of the three big losses. I was being tested - tested to just the edge of what I could no longer handle - just to the brink teetering on it - and then energy shifted. I went throught it all - at one point it was so ridiculous how much agony I was in that just kept up unrelenting for months; it hit me "what if this is just the way life is". What needs to change? my perspective? my resistence to what is, is causing suffering? all these things that ran through my head before I realized I was in a very major clinical depression and not medicated ontop of everything else.
> The sense and the "lessons" will come to you, but later after all this insane hurt and agony has passed. And some things are just the way they are. Those people are idiots and you don't need to be around them anymore! :-)
>
> I too am at 200mg of Lam. and as I was saying in another post somewhere, I'm not totally there. still sleep a lot, can handle minimal social interactions, am sensitive, and have those occasional dark hours which hit me out of nowhere. BUT, I can feel I have a bit of a safety net and that feels so good. I've just started an Atkin's diet today for two weeks (the induction period) and then an easier time of it after that. So I won't be drinking at least for the next two weeks. It's a long damn process to quitting. Harder than I ever imagined, once i seriously tried to committ myself to it; it wasn't as easy as I thought. I know you can relate.
>
> Keep posting Barb. If it helps you.
> Hugs-
> katia
poster:Dr. Bob
thread:288885
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20031208/msgs/288888.html