Posted by Temmie on November 8, 2003, at 17:08:16
In reply to i'm addicted to everything, posted by tai daluna on November 8, 2003, at 8:35:28
Oh dear, Tai, we do struggle with being human, don't you think? I so wish for a state of "normal" ... whatever "normal" is, and even though I don't hunger and crave ... Everything ... such as you've described; I do feel in a high state of panic, which seems to be driving everything. The other night I drank a whole bottle of wine (kind of a big deal for me). Then I was thinking about smoking (haven't smoked in decades), today I'm obsessing about the (lack of) research behind a project I have to present on Wednesday, but I can't calm down/slow down to just read and get it down on the page. I've been arranging and rearranging the same state of incomplete text on my computer screen from morning until now. I've bitten my nails until my fingers are bleeding. I just paused for a beer, but I'm thinking I should pop a Xanax. My personal life is evoking remembrances of fear and panic, I'm sure. Despite tons of advice (good advice and asked for), I can't find my up. Can't find my down. Can't find the balance to right myself -- and although I'm not pursuing physical activities (which I should), I'm eating all the wrong things, despite having no hunger -- and frankly -- I'm lonely ... and, yes ... maybe hungry for something.
It truly is sickening ... and heartbreaking ... that so many of us suffer so -- and that our docs struggle with defining our malaise, or prescribing appropriate treatment. I don't want to be in pain anymore, and don't know how to make it stop or go away.
With you in the madness. Guess I'll see if a Xanax won't take the edge off. Thanks for listening. I am truly ... just ... despairing for someone to talk to. Temmie
poster:Temmie
thread:277706
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20031014/msgs/277784.html