Posted by tai daluna on November 8, 2003, at 8:35:28
reading your posts, i can't help but think of my own life. i continually crave and crave and crave. i don't what is wrong with me. i mean, i know i was abused, and i know i have anxiety, but i don't know how to make the carvings stop. it's not just drugs, but sex, food, exercise, music. i don't do anything half-assed. yesterday i ran 2k, danced at the studio for four hours, did yoga for an hour. i could hardly walk today, but i will do it again. if i am not binging on bad food, i am hardly eating. if i am not drinking and using drugs, then i am compulsively trying to figure out a way to justify cheating on my boyfriend w/ a stranger. do you get the picture? everything i do is extreme. even my bloody driving scares me. all the time a feeling of restlessness plagues me. does anyone feel that way? if it isn't one thing than it is another. i have terrible impulse control and i don't know how to fix it. my doctor is a moron. all the doctors in this town are. besides, i dare not tell him the truth, because he might cut me off of my ativan/xanax kick. since my anti-depressants make drinking impossible, i must supplement w/ benzos. i don't want to live like this anymore. anyway, if anyone can relate, i'd love to hear about it.
peace.
tai
poster:tai daluna
thread:277706
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20031014/msgs/277706.html