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I did want to return, and help make things better

Posted by alexandra_k on August 4, 2020, at 3:16:56

In reply to Re: opting out of medicine, posted by alexandra_k on August 4, 2020, at 0:58:28

for new zealanders.

it's just so f*ck*ng frustrating to be treated as a stupid child since my return.

it's awful how our universities have become a default pathway for most of our teenagers to go into when they exit secondary school.

it's awful how studnets are selected into different programmes of study on the basis of their answers to questions about their race and the educational status of their parents. in a sort of a 'let us decide what degree is right for you' sort of a way.

it's awful how determined they seem to be to not allow it to be about talent or about hard work.

it's an awful kind of controlling by people who, likely, when they were kids, had things dictated to by others. they don't feel they had many choices in life, so, damned if they will let other people have them, either.

it's awful how there are people in positions of seniority... who don't quite know how or why they got to be there... but they are plenty afraid that they'll be thrown back with the unruly masses if they don't toe various lines... imposter syndrome. yes. but then also a desire to pick them younger and younger and have them more and more afraid that you are their soverign master so that you feel less of an imposter... so that you feel more secure with the constant reassurance that you are the top dog and you known mostest and your will is authorative...

and that's the way it is. for generations.

it would be nice if they decided to make professional practice programs for students who have attained the age of 20 years. that means they have time between school and that. maybe they did a degree or two. maybe they worked. maybe they travelled. then, as adults, they apply to enrol becuase it's something they, as adults, decide they, themselves, want to do.

rather than it being an expected life pathway for some. and it being a life pathway that is not allowed for others.

it's tiresome working so hard to re-invent the wheel. it doesn't feel very satisfying to work so hard to get things that are taken for granted overseas.

i think about if i do get a pay-out (not likely, i don't think). if it was enough to immigrate. to study in the US as an undergraduate or for the 2 years or whatever to then study medicine. if i could afford it, i mean to say. vs if i could stay here and put a decent downpayment on a liveable house in a decent area.

i would like to stay.

if i am not persecuted here. i mean, i worry, genuinely, that if i make them give me a place in medicial school (because the judge orders it because it's the only thing they could do given their statutory function to process the f*ck*ng applications properly) then the faculty will just fail me for no reason. that kind of persectuted.

would they do that?

they failed me for POPLHLTH-101. because they had preferred applicants and because they wanted the preferred applicants to be successful and they thought that i was going to take a place from one of them. so they thought to prevent me from taking one of their preferred candidates places they would fail me so i couldn't apply. so they stabotaged me. yeah.

so why wouldn't they do that again? they get it into their heads, again, that i am a threat to them in some way... that i might get a job that they want to go to one of theirs, or whatever, so they decide to fail me for no good reason, again.



people say that it's competitive to get into medicine and then it's not.

but i don't believe that. people say all kinds of rubbish.

and they want people to believe that surgery is very very very very competitive and particularly orthopedics. they are determined for that.

it maybe helps that the STEP 1 exam is supposed to be pass-fail these days. and they've done away with the whole 'hierarchy of being' i mean, 'hierarchy of specialities' according to competitiveness.

it prevents a match. when people think they *should* apply to something for bad reasons. because they think they are smart enough / because they don't think they are smart enough. whatever.

it might help people be less competitive, here, in thinking that they want you to fail so there is one less person in their way.

people are not collaborative, here.

sometimes they pretend to be. but in a 'and keep your enemies even closer' kind of a way.

it's very unpleasant.


i don't know.

i guess i would want to try.

if they persecute me to the point i have to seek refugee status if need be overseas then i will always know in myself i did my very very very very best to make things work here but all new zealand would offer me was a life on disability not allowing me to work, not crediting me for the work i do, not processing anything i do, not listening to anything i say. just treating me as a retarded child.




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