Posted by alexandra_k on May 27, 2014, at 17:31:47
In reply to Re: melting..., posted by alexandra_k on May 27, 2014, at 16:50:45
i feel sick
i feel sad
i did everything i could.. everything i could.. to get supports set into place before things start to get hard. to prevent.
but this place isn't about prevention. it is about escalation. dramatization. entertainment.we don't have so very many people... but most of the people we do have... hordes... masses... hanging about doing nothing... getting nothing done... getting things done slowly...
numbing their minds on tv. 'new idea' magazines. new diet! new fattening recipe! new clothes! new makeup! new self help how to feel good about myself! mixed messages... conflict... just enough to keep people feeling... kicked. enough self blame for them to feel... settled. like they aren't deserving of more. enough social pressure to... make them feel worse if they are desirous of more...
it's supposed to be easy. easy or not at all. things like medicine. or even success... if you do work hard it's supposed to be all hidden away behind closed doors. nobody must see what real hard work looks like... that must be kept secret. hidden. pretend like it doesn't exist...
people might start getting ideas.
things feel... falling apart, rather. i need... someone to process... decompress... what i need to do do get through...
should i complain about the 'treatment' i got yesterday?
should i keep pursuing that issue about ppt availability before class (chem dept digging in heels - biology has changed it already)?
what should i do about this request for disability support for labs? just how insistant should i be?i can't tell what is reasonable... i'm so very vulerable... to people laughing 'you're just being silly! overreacting! drama queen!' then when i drop it having a laugh behind my back at my... and everyone's... sheeple. at how the sheeple don't even deserve any better because they are far too dumb to realize...
i don't have anyone... in my corner.
health 'professionals' of yesterday... looking after their own. each other.
i wonder where that gp goes... when she gets sick.
i bet it is the f*ck*ng hell right away from there...
i don't know what to do.
i do feel... alone.
but a desperate gropy someone...
get away.
sigh.
i'm remembering that lady in australia... when i was ringing about trying to find a t... she had a go at me for being upfront about my not having much to spend... then she backed up a bit. nobody will give you a chance if you say that right upfront. because they will think... you are... borderline.. manipulating.. boundary testing.. to see... i was like... being honest. to save heartache of not being able to work with someone who is good fit. could hear her heart sink. guess that's supposed to be the idea. sometimes accommodations can be found. because it is clear what is needed... you just can't... try and truly represent yourself to find them.
i don't know what i'm saying.
i don't have anyplace to go.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1058481
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20140502/msgs/1066192.html