Posted by Kath on March 21, 2009, at 19:29:19
In reply to Re: Facilitation » Kath, posted by Cass on March 21, 2009, at 19:06:59
> I guess I just need to state it right up front.
~ ~ ~ Yes - I think that is the VERY best way. And it can be done in a way of acknowledging that if you want some advice or 'input', you'll ask them because you (whatever- respect their thoughts; - whatever is true for you.)
> One of the group members who interrupts me a lot is really, really co-dependent from what I can tell. She's always saying how she "cares too much" and wants to fix other people's problems. I can tell she thinks highly of this quality.
~ ~ ~ Yup - if she were even beginning to heal from codependency (from my knowledge anyhow & in my opinion) she'd be seeing her 'caring too much' and 'wanting to fix other people's problems' as things to change & overcome.
> But to me, I see that she is interrupting me and giving me unsolicited advice, basically being rude. The way I see it, her behavior seems very disrespectful, but she thinks she's being caring.
~ ~ ~ Don't know if you want input about that!? My therapist recently helped me learn to acknowledge other people's strengths or their thoughts about themselves. In my friend's case, I have said to her that she has some really good ideas. In that lady's case, an acknowledgement of the fact that she is caring might be the one to pinpoint...I guess caring & wanting to fix others, since she is pleased about them. If you ever want any input about how to word things, I am certainly here for you about that!! (Years ago, I would have bombarded you with my ideas...I would have felt sort of frantic for you to accept my suggestions! Baby, I've come a long way!! LOL Although I think I am still pushy about certain 'alternative' methods that have helped me alot.)
>I get the feeling she would devour me if I let her. So I'm giving myself credit for not letting her.
~ ~ You deserve credit! I know, because I used to be just like her! - well similar anyway.
>And when a counselor asks her direct questions about her feelings, she's all over the place. It's like she simply cannot give a direct answer. She starts talking about other people and situations. The counselor has to be very persistent and still doesn't get an answer out of her.
~ ~ ~ I was like that also. If someone asked me "how are you doing?" I'd tell them exactly what was happening in my life (particularly with my son)... My 32 yr old daughter & I finally had a really good conversation about it. it was driving her crazy. We discovered that if I was upset & was asked how I was doing - I didn't KNOW. I would tell exactly what was happening, somehow thinking that if I told someone what was happening they would KNOW how I felt!!!!!!!!!! This was a huge revelation for me.
How wonderful it would be for that woman to go to CoDA meetings...but as you say - she doesn't even know there's anything amiss.
You sound way better than you did not long ago Cass. I'm sorry parts of the experience are really trying!!
I'm interested to know what happens if you feel like telling it.
luv, Kath
poster:Kath
thread:886302
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20090226/msgs/886456.html