Posted by Dinah on May 18, 2008, at 12:35:08
In reply to Moving/not-moving - old feelings arise! » Dinah, posted by Kath on May 18, 2008, at 11:51:07
There is nature nearby, and it has a beauty of its own sort. But it's not really the sort of beauty that calls to me to connect to it. I live in New Orleans.
A few years ago, my husband's company offered a relocation program to those willing to move to a city that it would have never occurred to us to choose. But when we checked it out, we discovered that parts of it were very nice. And there were mountains within a few hours drive.
There were reasons for the move and reasons against it. We found a home I loved. It was a reach financially but with the relocation package, it would have been doable. But then we discovered it had a lot of costly repairs that needed to be done.
Without a house I absolutely loved to look forward to, the fears of losing everything I'd always known and my therapist and the local restaurants and all the local things I loved all got too much for me. After seeing me in hysteria as we were about to make the final commitment, my husband said we weren't going to go and that was it. No more discussion.
I do regret it in many ways. Moving would have forced some changes in my life that I really need to make. Plus the area was beautiful. But I also acknowledge that it's better for our son that we stayed where he's happy in school and has friends. We've promised him we'll do our best not to move until he graduates from high school, which is years and years off. And there are things I love about here that I would miss very much if we moved.
Maybe your situation is similar in that? Certainly the situation with your daughter is a loss that would be hard to compensate for. And the distress for your son. But it sounds as if you and your husband have a good life together?
He should acknowledge the magnitude of what you gave up, though. Even if he balances it with the magnitude of your blessings (in the form of himself of course). I can see where acknowledgment and understanding would go a long way to soothing the anger.
poster:Dinah
thread:829740
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080428/msgs/829786.html