Posted by Deneb on December 12, 2006, at 18:51:36
I'm having a really bad day.
I'm not ready for my exam tomorrow. I bought some OTC drugs to OD on. I was going to take them to get sick so I could get a note. I was going to take them tomorrow to get sick. Then on my way back home from buying them I suddenly decided I wasn't safe. I impulsively got off the bus several stops early to go to the walk in clinic. I thought maybe I could get a note without making myself sick. It was going to be a long wait.
I opened a bottle and was going to take them there in the waiting room, like I did last time. I hesitated and told the receptionist to take them away from me because I didn't feel safe.
I got a note. He didn't even ask me what was the matter. It was, "Hi there, so you need a note? Sure, no problem, here you go. Take care now!"
I still feel horrible. I feel really guilty now. I feel like ODing, but I don't have one of the drugs anymore. I don't deserve to live. :-(
I'm manipulative. I'm a horrible person. I deserve to fail. I deserve to be sick.
I think I'm going to OD on the other drug tomorrow to punish myself. Don't worry, it's a safe drug.
I'm a horrible, manipulative person. I deserve to die.
I can't stand the guilt! I deserve to fail. I deserve to OD and get sick.
I binged and purged after I got home. I need to punish myself. The guilt is too much to handle. Why can't I pull myself together and just study??? Why??? I'm such a loser. I don't deserve to live. I'm not even depressed or anything. I'm just lazy. LAZY. I have NO motivation to do anything, to make anything of myself.
I don't deserve to live.
Deneb*
poster:Deneb
thread:712977
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20061208/msgs/712977.html