Posted by Kath on July 20, 2006, at 17:42:59
In reply to Re: I'm Back.... Cloudy , AuntieMel - oh dear, posted by cloudydaze on July 20, 2006, at 17:23:32
Thank you SOOOOOO much for the feedback. Once again, I'm printing your reply!! My purse is going to be filled with papers with your words on them!!!!! LOL
see **********below********Don't worry....you are doing great!
>
> If he has access to email, it might be a good idea that you email him. that way, you have a chance to think about your words, and it's less confrontational.*****good point & also then I don't hear his voice if he's 'down'. His friend who my son's girlfriend is emailing told me the other day not to hesitate if I want to phone him for any reason, so I can actually get the friend's email address & forward my email for him to send to my son*****
>> You asked what would be the reason to talk to him...
> well...just to make sure he knows you love him, but you're not going to let him run your life. Again, only when you really feel ready. And don't feel guilty - you need some time to get used to the idea of letting go.********I think to email him is the best right now. I think I'd have to be in a really strong place to talk with him if he's feeling bad. If he's feeling OK then it wouldn't be a problem, but if he's down I think it might screw me up big-time to the point where I'd be viewing him as a victim-of-Life & feeling sorry for him & be right IN codependent danger-zone.******
> A good indicator of him leading a better (drug-free) life would be that he is able to hold down a job, pay his expenses, and be drug free for more than a few weeks, or at LEAST starting rehab, therapy, or a support group.*******good info - thanks*********
>
> Hang in there, and keep us updated :)*******thanks Cloudy. I feel sort of pathetic, needing to ask such questions. I feel like I'm in "helpless little kid" mode or something :-) but I guess that's OK!! I really truly appreciate your support & thanks for saying to keep you updated; it makes me feel like someone really cares & isn't simply answering because they happened to read 'yet another of Kath's son-posts'!! :-))
Thanks Cloudy & by the way, how are you doing?
Kath**********
> -Cloudy> > Hi Both
> >
> > I just got home & there was a message from my son. Just saying he wondered how we were doing & that he loved us.
> >
> > He sounded tired. or down. or something.
> >
> > I guess compared to how I'd normally be feeling, I'm doing jolly well. I only feel a bit sorry for him.
> >
> > I feel somewhat guilty for not talking to him.
> >
> > I don't think I'm strong enough yet to talk to him & not get devastated if he's feeling crappy. It would be a kick-in-the-stomach feeling. But maybe that's OK. I HATE feeling bad though.
> >
> > What would the reason be TO talk with him?
> >
> > Perhaps the idea of getting his friend to email him is better? What would be better about it?
> >
> > I could let him know by email that I love him & view his drug use as being in the process of ruining his life & can't handle talking with him until he - until what? - that's a bit hard.....
> >
> > until -
> >
> > until he's done whatever he needs to do to solve his drug problem? I don't know exactly what to say. I'm a very wordy person....words are very important to me...
> >
> > I feel like I have to say JUST the right thing!
> >
> > I am SO codependent....the inner voice shouts, "You need to say JUST the right thing, JUST the right way - if you mention rehab, you might make him be stubborn about NOT considering rehab...' etc - blah blah blah, goes the inner, scared codependent voice.
> >
> > Oh dear.
> >
> > Kath
>
>
poster:Kath
thread:668040
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060709/msgs/668706.html