Posted by cloudydaze on July 20, 2006, at 17:23:32
In reply to Re: I'm Back.... Cloudy , AuntieMel - oh dear, posted by Kath on July 20, 2006, at 16:08:26
Don't worry....you are doing great!
If he has access to email, it might be a good idea that you email him. that way, you have a chance to think about your words, and it's less confrontational.
You asked what would be the reason to talk to him...
well...just to make sure he knows you love him, but you're not going to let him run your life. Again, only when you really feel ready. And don't feel guilty - you need some time to get used to the idea of letting go.A good indicator of him leading a better (drug-free) life would be that he is able to hold down a job, pay his expenses, and be drug free for more than a few weeks, or at LEAST starting rehab, therapy, or a support group.
Hang in there, and keep us updated :)
-Cloudy
> Hi Both
>
> I just got home & there was a message from my son. Just saying he wondered how we were doing & that he loved us.
>
> He sounded tired. or down. or something.
>
> I guess compared to how I'd normally be feeling, I'm doing jolly well. I only feel a bit sorry for him.
>
> I feel somewhat guilty for not talking to him.
>
> I don't think I'm strong enough yet to talk to him & not get devastated if he's feeling crappy. It would be a kick-in-the-stomach feeling. But maybe that's OK. I HATE feeling bad though.
>
> What would the reason be TO talk with him?
>
> Perhaps the idea of getting his friend to email him is better? What would be better about it?
>
> I could let him know by email that I love him & view his drug use as being in the process of ruining his life & can't handle talking with him until he - until what? - that's a bit hard.....
>
> until -
>
> until he's done whatever he needs to do to solve his drug problem? I don't know exactly what to say. I'm a very wordy person....words are very important to me...
>
> I feel like I have to say JUST the right thing!
>
> I am SO codependent....the inner voice shouts, "You need to say JUST the right thing, JUST the right way - if you mention rehab, you might make him be stubborn about NOT considering rehab...' etc - blah blah blah, goes the inner, scared codependent voice.
>
> Oh dear.
>
> Kath
poster:cloudydaze
thread:668040
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060709/msgs/668697.html