Posted by llrrrpp on June 25, 2006, at 19:49:08
In reply to Re: I got labelled as a troll :-(, posted by Deneb on June 25, 2006, at 18:51:33
Well, it's really hard to tell how hurt people are, when the only thing you have are little letters on a screen. IRL, you can see their discomfort and emotions in their body language. It's a lot easier. AND- you can see their body language WHILE you're talking, so you can use that to adjust what you're saying.
It's really hard to avoid hurting people. Even if you were completely saccharine sweet, someone could be annoyed. It's not always your fault. Sometimes people are offended, or are sensitive to things that you could never predict, based on "civility" or social convention or what not.
I got into big trouble a few years back with my best friend of 10 years. We grew up together, and were really close. I said something kind of half-joking about how she was so lucky she wouldn't have to wear a bra with this dress she bought. And she completely lost her temper with me. I really did think she was lucky. Sundresses are hard to pull off when you.... I digress. I *really* hurt her feelings. I had no intention to, and yet it still happened. The best you can do (if the relationship is important to you) is to apologize sincerely for hurting people, and try to explain that it was not your intention, and it was an accident, and you'll try not to do it in the future. Sometimes you don't really care about the relationship. It's nice to apologize, but I wouldn't beat myself up over it. Just acknowledge that everyone has their own issues, and their own sensitivities.
I doubt you have autism, since you're so verbal-- but yes, these social conventions can be practiced and learned. and you are smart and clever enough to learn them. It just takes practice. I think Babble is good practice for the real world. I have a lot of problems in certain social circumstances, because I always stress myself out trying to please everyone. I'm good at it, but then I realize that I forgot to have fun at my own party.
oh well...
I'm kinda talkative today.
hope you're kinda readative today?
-ll
poster:llrrrpp
thread:661339
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060618/msgs/661390.html