Posted by Deneb on March 17, 2006, at 22:42:34
In reply to Re: My childhood, posted by Dinah on March 17, 2006, at 21:38:34
> At the time, I wasn't at all comforted. I didn't feel like they loved me, or that they cared. I felt like they just wanted me to be "good". That they were angry and got "help" for me when I wasn't "good" and that they could not possibly care less that I didn't feel better when I started being "good" again.
I would have felt hurt, frustrated and angry if that happened to me. I'm sorry you felt like your parents didn't care. That must be one of the hardest things to go through. Parents are the ones who care about us when the world turns a blind eye to us. I would have felt very alone, to believe that my parents only wanted a good obedient child and didn't accept my faults and hurts for what they were.
> Looking back, I see that wasn't fair. I wasn't skilled enough at verbalizing that I still didn't feel well and all they could judge was my behavior. Of course, they mostly cared that I was "good". That's largely true of everyone in life.
It's difficult when we can't or don't know how to ask for help that will help us. Expressing oneself accurately is not an easy thing to do. Things get misinterpreted and sometimes we can be our own worse enemy (as a dear friend always says to me :-) ). We can see a lack of caring where there is caring.
> I still have impulses to act out how I feel by being "bad". And the incorrect belief that no one will hear me or pay attention unless I'm acting out.I get that Dinah. I think I do the same thing. I escalate things and act out sometimes to get people to hear me and pay attention to me. I do it impulsively too. I don't plan any of it and I don't intend to hurt people, but I'm sure I do.
> Yet the first thing out of my mouth was that they didn't care whether I felt good as long as I acted good. Old beliefs are hard to extinguish.
(((((Dinah)))))
You know we care about you here. I like you just the way you are, the good and the bad. :-)
Deneb*
poster:Deneb
thread:621175
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060310/msgs/621516.html