Posted by Dinah on March 17, 2006, at 21:38:34
In reply to Re: My childhood » Dinah, posted by Deneb on March 17, 2006, at 19:59:23
At the time, I wasn't at all comforted. I didn't feel like they loved me, or that they cared. I felt like they just wanted me to be "good". That they were angry and got "help" for me when I wasn't "good" and that they could not possibly care less that I didn't feel better when I started being "good" again.
Looking back, I see that wasn't fair. I wasn't skilled enough at verbalizing that I still didn't feel well and all they could judge was my behavior. Of course, they mostly cared that I was "good". That's largely true of everyone in life.
I still have impulses to act out how I feel by being "bad". And the incorrect belief that no one will hear me or pay attention unless I'm acting out. Despite my years of true knowledge that I get more attention and care for being good than I ever did being bad. That acting out backfires, and doesn't get me what I want.
Yet the first thing out of my mouth was that they didn't care whether I felt good as long as I acted good. Old beliefs are hard to extinguish.
poster:Dinah
thread:621175
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060310/msgs/621494.html