Posted by TexasChic on February 10, 2006, at 20:29:13
In reply to Re: Weird, weird, weird. » TexasChic, posted by Dinah on February 8, 2006, at 20:31:08
Thanks. I do feel at least a little bit good that I managed to salvage the situation. But I still feel extremely stupid. I can now see it was one of my paranoid rampages, even though there were some legitiment reasons for it. I want to tell her I'm sorry and I was overreacting. Its just hard to talk at work. I've thought of calling her this weekend, but it depends on if I have the guts.
I just don't know how to control the paranioa! When you're in the middle of it, you don't realize you're paranoid, you think your fears are completely justified. I can't imagine what I will be like if I EVER get a boyfriend!
I think the worst part is I talked to cuteboy about this. When I told him the other girl and I both thought the other was mad at each other, but we were both being withdrawn because of other problems, he said he just couldn't understand that. I told him it must be a girl thing. He was like "Yeah, I can just imagine me and the guys at work getting all upset because we think the other person is mad at us."
Oh BTW, when I got together with my friends from San Fransico the other night, he came too. We were both early so we sat talking for about 30-45 minutes. I couldn't help but get hopeful feelings from it! But I know I can't think that way. I keep telling myself he's someone I should try to be friends with and then maybe sometime down the road things might change. I guess that's the only way I can deal with letting go.
I'm going to try to make a new start this weekend, starting with cleaning my apartment. I have alot of cute stuff but its useless because its such a mess! And I know how good I would feel with everything clean and in its place. Its almost like the mess represents what's going on in my head, and each is affected by the other. Its an endless cycle.
I also want to get started on trying to get in shape. I have a bunch of Yoga tapes, but I could never relax with everything such a mess around me. And I want to buy a bike. Threre's alot of trails around here, and I feel like with the connection I feel to nature that might be a form of exercise I could enjoy and stick with.
Today at work I was thinking about how I know I would feel so much better about myself if I could lose some weight. I was thinking, I know I'm at least semi attractive, if I lose weight I would have the confidence to maybe hook up with a guy. Maybe that thought could finally be the push I need. But I know that's not the way I should be thinking. Its only occasionally that I feel attractive as is. I just get worried that its false confidence.
Anyway, I guess that's enough babbling for now.
-T
poster:TexasChic
thread:598840
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060203/msgs/608486.html