Posted by 10derHeart on December 31, 2005, at 15:51:30
In reply to Re: I'm scared for myself (venting), posted by Deneb on December 31, 2005, at 15:25:32
>>Don't worry, if I take more and get really sick, my Mom is home all day and I don't die<<
To be blunt, now you are scaring the crap out of me.
I really care about you, Deneb, that's why I don't like to hear you now acting on certain impulses - a step beyond just thinking, venting and wondering (all maybe painful and distressing at times, but not actually dangerous).
As you know, it's not just about the worst-case scenario of death. It's about damaging yourself physically and otherwise. It's about the hell your family will all go through with you, should you make an error, or give in to a sudden impulse.
And all your other Babble friends, too...there are a *lot* of us, you know. You do realize that, don't you? I prefer you do things *for* Deneb, but, at moments we all can't or won't, so it'd be great to maybe NOT do this thing for others?
Please, please find some IRL support or something to distract your mind away from flirting with medications and their effects. This is really NOT a game. I know you don't really think so either, but from my POV, reading this.... :-(
You know, I can't wait to meet you IRL if I can manage the Toronto trip. I have grown to be so fond of you - and that means ALL of you, not just when you're 'more stable,' or more cheerful, or any certain way. No, ALL of you makes up a beautiful, unique, brave, valuable creation on this Earth that I'd be honored to have as a friend! You hear me, right? And yes, you're brave, because you Babble, and try out new ideas/advice, and you don't give up, and you reach out here. That's so hard for you, yet you've learned to do it! Wow! That takes courage to push through social anxiety - even online.
And - me using this tone doesn't mean I'm mad or disappointed, or that you're bad or any of that. I know it's easy to start imagining such things. (I do it too, sometimes) But I'm tellng you in advance, that's not how I feel.
IMPORTANT - **Even right this second while you're scaring me, that does NOT change me liking you, one bit. I like you and you're stuck with that.**
((Deneb))- 10derHeart
(I have to be away from my PC for a couple hours, but I will be happy to Babblemail with you later, if that'll help.)
poster:10derHeart
thread:593665
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20051225/msgs/593760.html