Posted by Larry Hoover on December 31, 2005, at 9:40:58
In reply to Re: I'm scared for myself (venting), posted by Deneb on December 31, 2005, at 2:10:49
> I wrote something about me offing myself before the next semester started and I'm afraid!
If you went to an emergency room with that piece you just wrote, and told them "I was on Risperdal, and I went off it, and now I am obsessing about my death.", I think that they would give you some Risperdal.
That's one thing you can do, and you can do it right now.
You've already answered your own question. The implicit one in this new post. In your second to last post, you wrote:
"I'm also thinking, "geez, I must be pretty blind to my own problems if I didn't realize that instability *is* the problem!"
I just want to be freaking stable! Sure it is exciting, but I keep messing up with life! I gotta change my thinking or something."
Or something? You've got to change something?
Here's a very critical idea.
"You can't think your way into a new way of acting. But, you can act your way into a new way of thinking."
If you want things to change, you must change your behaviour. There *is* no other way. You can think and think and think. And it will be the same.
You hear good ideas from people. You say, "Hey, that's a good idea." But you don't do them. You don't journal. You don't tell important people the truth about your distress. And you don't give the medication a chance.
When medication brings you stability, it's so unfamiliar, that you don't know how to do "stable". This is a realm where counselling augments the medication. So you can learn to manage how different it is. "...instability *is* the problem!" Your own words. Instability is the problem. *Instability* is the problem!
> I don't really want to die, but I keep thinking of taking more than the recommended dose of aspirin. I choose aspirin because it is not as dangerous as Tylenol.That's very clear. You don't want to die. You want to be noticed. But nobody is going to know what you want to be noticed for. You need to tell somebody why you need to be noticed.
So please, make yourself noticed without using an overdose to do it. Bad plan! Very low benefit. Very high risk. You would be committed, and not just for 72 hours.
The big missing piece of this puzzle, I think, is that you somehow expect people (doctors, for example) to understand what it is really like for you, without giving them the truth about what it *is* like for you. You expect people to read minds. To have information that you haven't given them.
You're afraid something is the matter with you. You're ashamed. You can look at anything from the other side. How about, "I'm not fulfilling my potential. Would you help me?"
Consider two futures:
1. Since she found the right medication, she's amazing! Look at her fly!
2. Since that time she took too many pills, she's never been the same again. Poor child.Hugs,
Lar
poster:Larry Hoover
thread:593665
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20051225/msgs/593705.html