Posted by caraher on August 10, 2005, at 13:00:55
In reply to Re: What do you think of FLIRTING???? » caraher, posted by Tamar on August 10, 2005, at 12:08:56
> > Sometimes it feels as though my wife labels almost any communication between me and a female between age 15 and 50 as "flirting."
>
> Does she imply there's something wrong with flirting?Not in so many words, but it's in the way she says it. Sometimes I almost wish I were the unfaithful type, so the kind of suspicion she sometimes treats me with would be earned. One example I have in mind is when an online friend called me pretty much out of the blue and I was handed the phone with the words "it's your girlfriend."
It's nice that she wants to keep me for herself, and I understand that before she met me she was burned by an unfaithful boyfriend. But that was decades ago and it was someone else! And while I'm certainly as vulnerable to developing a crush on someone as the next guy I'd like more credit for my ability to recognize and respect suitable boundaries. We're really in agreement about the importance to us of marital fidelity, and I let her manage her own affairs in complete confidence that she would never cheat on me. I'd just like the same in return!
> It can be hard to negotiate. I wouldn't want my husband to flirt outrageously with other women in front of me. But I wouldn't want to think he was unattractive either. Ultimately I don’t believe any other woman is a threat to my marriage, so if he flirts a bit it doesn’t bother me. And if he can flirt, so can I!
Yup, as long as you have a mutual understanding about such things. I remember the one time a college roommate came close to punching me was when he was flirting with a mutual friend and remarked that "there can only be one flirt in a relationship." At the time he had a girlfriend back home and I said, "Yeah, some guy is probably saying that to Jill right now..."
I guess I should add that it isn't just a jealous nature underlying her definition of flirting. For instance, I picked up my son after some athletic practice and when I arrived he was speaking to a girl. When I talked to my wife about picking him up her immediate reaction was, "Oh, he was flirting with Laura..." I said they were just talking as far as I could see and she basically said that constitutes flirting.
> Well, I guess if you don’t recognize flirtatious behaviours, you can’t be doing anything wrong! But maybe it would be fun once in a while to engage in a little bit of flirtatious behaviour? Or is that something you wouldn’t feel comfortable with?I suppose it would be fun. But really, I'm just so much more interested in normal human contact quite apart from flirting. Flirting would be part of the "advanced course," I guess! Though again, I don't know where the line is (yes, I know that it's probably a fuzzy one).
poster:caraher
thread:539248
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050805/msgs/539940.html