Posted by TamaraJ on May 1, 2005, at 14:03:29
In reply to compulsive liars, posted by jimmyjgill on May 1, 2005, at 11:08:00
Welcome to Babble! I am sorry you are hurting. Sounds like for a while there, your ex-girlfriend wanted to have her cake and eat it too. And, you were her safety net at that time -if it didn't work out with the new guy, you would be there to take her back so she wouldn't have to be alone. Sorry, but to me that's not love, that is manipulation and self-centeredness. One of the most important things in any relationship is trust. It is, for me, the foundation upon which any relationship should be built, and upon which it thrives and ultimately survives. I can "tolerate" a perhaps well-intentioned lie, but lie upon lie upon lie eventually shatters trust and then respect, and I just don't know how love can surive or thrive when trust and respect are diminished or gone. Maybe you need to examine your feelings, particularly the ones that tell you that you would take her back if she would have YOU. I don't understand why you would take her back with open arms (good qualities or not) if, as you say, the relationship ruined your ability to function emotionally or mentally. Is it really love you are feeling, or is it lust and the thrill of a challenge (you can change her, etc.). You can't change her, only she can. And, it doesn't sound like she wants to change or is even aware that she really needs to change. You think that she needs to lie to feel accepted. But, she may well lie to ensure that she gets and keeps what she wants, what's good for her at the time. And, should you be given the chance to take her back, you would likely become just one of probably many enablers in her life who reinforces her belief that lying to satisfy your own shelfish needs and get what you want is a good thing. The choice, of course, is yours. I, for one, couldn't be with someone who has continually lied to me, and I certainly couldn't take someone back after knowing that they had lied to me over and over again. Trust is too important, and shouldn't be sacrificed in the name of love. I don't know, perhaps I am being naive and idealistic.
poster:TamaraJ
thread:492283
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050426/msgs/492346.html