Posted by partlycloudy on September 10, 2004, at 10:40:30
In reply to enormous emotional maw that I was trying to fill » partlycloudy, posted by octopusprime on September 10, 2004, at 10:03:57
Well, when I was doing that living dangerously thing, I didn't have an epiphany or anything, but realized how lonely I felt even while with someone else. So I swore off sex. Joined AA. Got dry, had withdrawls. Stuck with it for 9 months. Couldn't find a meeting within 25 miles where I wasn't being hit on - and believe me, I am no prize - so I started drinking after meetings. Met my husband (my wonderful one I have now)in a bar. Moved to the other end of the country. I must have packed all my problems with me, because in no time at all I was back to crying all the time and drinking like one of the guys.
So then I started hiding the drinking. Then I started getting help from a p-doc and a therapist. Now I admit to drinking in secret - can't say that's progress, but... the core issue of not being able to stand myself has not changed. It's a very deep rooted self loathing. That is what I'm going to try to tackle in EMDR next week, unless the state gets blown away. Then it won't matter.
Feel free to email me at partlycloudy at gmail dot com.
poster:partlycloudy
thread:389015
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040907/msgs/389162.html