Posted by JenStar on August 31, 2004, at 13:17:31
In reply to Re: The real world vs. the uncivilised world, posted by Emme on August 31, 2004, at 12:26:40
hi Emme,
Emme, I don't think there was anything in your post that was uncivil or rule-breakish.
Thanks for sharing your ideas!
[warning...rant coming up! no offense intended to anyone...I just want to share my ideas in a loud way! :) ]
And about your post, I agree with you! Sometimes "I" statements just don't feel like the right thing. I understand Dr. Bob's (or any web admin's) situation: I-statements do work best 95% of the time so it's best to keep them as a guideline. And in real life, too, they DO work most of the time. But in that other 5% of the time, they feel (to me) as ineffective as a band-aid for a broken arm.
I think that we tend to handle some people with kid gloves a bit too much instead of being more blunt with them. I like your comment about wanting to confront someone head on and saying something like "you're being mean. Stop it." Sometimes people need to hear that - IRL too!
Sometimes I wonder: If we all used "I" statements ALL the time, for every altercation, could we get into big trouble? If someone is punching you and punching you in a rage, it doesn't always make sense to say politely "When I'm punched, I feel sad and bruised. I'd appreciate it if you could stop punching me and let's try a different technique."
If someone is invading your territory with tanks and soldiers, does it make sense to stand there and say carefully, "When I'm being invaded, I feel devastated and used?"
I'm not saying that all verbal abuses or posts are as serious as an invasion or a punch. That would be a silly overstatement. Remember...I usually DO like "I" statements and think that it's only 5% of the time that something different is required. But I think it's important to see the difference between usefulness and uselessness of an "I" statement.
OK. That's my rant of the day! Whew. Sometimes it's fun to rant. I hope no one was offended. Please don't take offense if you're a person who uses I-statements 100% of the time. I respect that choice and see that it gets more peacful reactions here on babble. I just wanted to share (or rant about) my outlook...
thanks for listening!
JenStar
poster:JenStar
thread:384648
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040830/msgs/384791.html