Posted by octopusprime on July 20, 2004, at 20:51:01
In reply to I am sad...., posted by Indie on July 20, 2004, at 11:30:06
> I am not sure ... if I want the me back that he loved. How do you learn to un-love somebody ...
indie ... your post was so touching, i am sorry you are hurting
i pulled out two little bits that jumped out at me
i'm not an expert or anything but i had my heart broken once or twice (or more!) ... seemingly out of the blue ... and i have thought more than once i would never live or love again ...
i don't think you ever teach yourself to un-love somebody. but you can build yourself a new life, make a new you. it's a brain switch - learning to think of the possible instead of the past, finding a passion (be it artistic or work or gardening or politics or religion or yoga or whatever) and taking steps to make it happen (or just doing some new activity, something to get you out the door), making a new and more beautiful you, etc.
maybe you do want the you back that he loved. the you with the sparkle in your eye and the rosy cheek. the you that laughed effortlessly. the you that thought the world was peaceful, orderly, and beautiful, instead of ugly, chaotic, and bleak.
and there is no easy way to get that you. but there are baby steps to making a newer and stronger you. it will never be the same, but it could be better. with a breath of life and fresh air ...
i hope i am not minimizing your loss, you sound devastated. but because you are posting here, because you are sad, because you are being treated, you want to move on ... but how to move on?
i could never stand being around my exs (save for one) ... i couldn't see them, couldn't let the memories come flooding back until i had made a new me again. the new me would reject some of the old exs out of hand anyway. so i needed the space to reinvent me ...
i needed time to make the hurt stop enough so that i could see a vision of things i would want to do ...
i needed more time to do new things and get used to change a little bit at a time ...
and i never learned to unlove but i did learn how to fill my heart with something new ... (even if i haven't yet filled my heart with someone new)
here is wishing you strength to reinvent you.
poster:octopusprime
thread:368236
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040717/msgs/368400.html