Posted by antigua on July 6, 2004, at 19:27:56
In reply to Looking for insights into panic attacks, posted by partlycloudy on July 6, 2004, at 13:39:29
I agree with Miss Honeychurch. I find that when I'm feeling better, and I become conciously aware of it, then I get very anxious. I'm really working on accepting the good, but in my past it seems that the good has always come to a screeching halt w/something bad happening, which in my mind totally wipes out the good thing. I wasn't deserving of those good feelings, so I had to be punished.
I've decided (well, I'm working on it)that I'm the one who makes those connections and they aren't necessarily true. The other day I had some really good news, and was very happy. Lasted about 3 hours when I found out a friend had been hit by a car and was critically injured. I started slamming around feeling that I shouldn't have ever felt good when my little voice said, "hey, those two things don't have anything to do w/each other; they don't cancel each other out. They are separate." So I could still be happy about the good thing and feel bad for my friend. I think it's that "holding opposing views at the same time" thing that my T is always making me work on--that my father was either all good or all bad, when in fact he was both.
Also, sometimes when I feel anxious it means something is coming up and I worry that I'm going to be blindsided.
Oh well, I wasn't much help, but I do know what you mean,
antigua
poster:antigua
thread:363503
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040706/msgs/363564.html