Posted by TexasChic on June 3, 2004, at 10:55:07
In reply to Re: Complete meltdown on vacation -Long » TexasChic, posted by justyourlaugh on June 3, 2004, at 10:12:03
Thank you, I appreciate your kind words. Its funny, I try to get everyone else to realize their feelings have validity, but then I have trouble believing it about myself. I guess that's why I come to this board.
On the Pysc board they were talking about PTSD and I found alot of what they were saying hit home with me. I grew up with alot of yelling and fear, and it has taken me all my life to repair just some of the damage that was done. I think when I got yelled at this weekend, I kind of flashed back or something.
I found something in an article about abuse that when I read it, I was like, that's it! That's what my childhood was like! Here it is:
"Ambient Abuse
The fostering, propagation and enhancement of an atmosphere of fear, intimidation, instability, unpredictability and irritation. There are no acts of traceable explicit abuse, nor any manipulative settings of control. Yet, the irksome feeling remains, a disagreeable foreboding, a premonition, a bad omen. This is sometimes called "gaslighting". In the long term, such an environment erodes the victim's sense of self-worth and self-esteem. Self-confidence is shaken badly. "I can barely even bring myself to think back to what it was like when my dad was alive, and how I lived in constant fear. I always had an unspoken fear that someday he would kill us all. I've tried to leave the past behind me, but it may be time to explore it to find the reasons behind some of my fears. Its a scary thought though.
Anyway, I'm just being introspective. Its nice to be able to just write it all out, and to have people who actually understand.
poster:TexasChic
thread:353040
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040602/msgs/353353.html