Posted by LynneDa on May 25, 2004, at 10:33:03
In reply to Re: Ramblin' Along, posted by SandyWeb on May 22, 2004, at 22:25:35
Hi Sandy - How are you? I've been away from the computer, but did get caught up on posts yesterday. Is the poem below one you wrote or a song lyric? It's very poignant and telling.
I'm so very happy to hear you are still with us. I did not know you had a date and a plan. I have never been suicidal to the point that I had a plan. This weekend, we drove to Atlanta to pick up a car my husband is going to repair. I was feeling very depressed on Sunday and for about 2 or 3 hours, all I wanted to do was jump out the window of the moving car. Weird. I knew I wouldn't do it because of my daughter, but at the same time, I really felt I had to restrain myself. And I really have nothing to be depressed about, in a general sense. Like you said at one point, I just want things to go away into nothingness, it would be such a relief, but I know that's not realistic. I can't seem to kick that over-bearing sense of malaise, doom, hatefulness toward myself, etc., that I feel sometimes. And my husband doesn't get it at all. I just sit and cry and try to explain and he just gets madder and madder because I really have nothing to be upset about . . . so I just shut up.
So - that is the extent to which I understand how you feel. Mine comes and goes and is pretty cyclical. But, from what I've read, depression is progressive and if suicidal ideations are a part of your cadre of symptoms, I am so afraid that it won't go away until you try to stop the depression.
You are doing a wonderful, fantastic job of pulling yourself up by your boot straps, so to speak: getting your papers filled out, looking into volunteer opportunities, etc. The fact that you are looking outside yourself is a really healthy sign and you should feel encouraged!
What did you decide about your Dad's birthday?
You need support through this time in your life, Sandy, whether it's chemical or emotional. You've had a lot of bad things happen, yes. You've been strong enough to get through most of it, again yes. But, there's a cumulative effect that has whittled away at your psyche. That is a normal, physiological reaction to all you've endured.
You are not weak and you are not a failure - you've just had some major set-backs. You are coping the best you can with what you've been dealt and you will get your feet under you again, that is the way of life and from what I know of you, you are not the type to just flounder and never get back up! This is just a temporary blip in the road. Remember the Gloria Gaynor song from the disco era "I will survive"? Let that be your anthem!
~ Lynne
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Hi girls,
>
> You know, there are times in your life when you sense that something is about to happen.....and at the same time, you realize it already has. Not much to be done at a time like this.
>
> Feeling tired
> By the fire
> The long day is over
>
> The wind is gone
> Asleep at dawn
> The embers burn on
>
> With no reprise
> The sun will rise
> The long day is over
>
> I am going to sleep now. I hope you all are doing well.
>
> "I'm feeling the same way all over again, no matter how much I pretend."
>
> You girls are the best! Time to hit the sack, though. It's late and I'm tired.
>
> (((Hugs)))
>
> Sandy
>
>
>
poster:LynneDa
thread:327575
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040525/msgs/350421.html