Posted by SandyWeb on May 22, 2004, at 9:44:23
In reply to Re: Today was........ » SandyWeb, posted by Simus on May 21, 2004, at 21:47:16
Hi Simus,
I was touched by your messages. You're a good girl, Simus. Thank you for thinking of me.
In regards to God:
I am His child and I would not deny Him. However, at some point in this process, I stopped communicating with Him. There really isn't a need to. He understands me. He knows.
I think I stopped talking with Him because I always seemed to be getting His messages wrong. I would think that maybe this was why an event happened, I would think that I was being guided through situations so that I could LEARN, I would think that it all was heading me towards a greater purpose. And I finally had enough of getting confused. And I stopped trying to figure out what God was telling me. It just adds more confusion to the situation if I talk with God. It turns out that I'm not hearing HIM.... but only MYSELF. All the Bible verses I would hold onto in regards to God only wanting the best for me just don't cut it anymore. I know He loves me and has plans for me....but I just keep getting confused when I talk with Him. So I've distanced myself from Him.
He knows I love Him. He knows who I am. He knows I haven't turned my back on Him or left Him. I just needed to stop the confusion.
You know, we live in a fallen world....and with that, we have to accept that things will be "broken". A "broken" kidney can result in kidney failure, a "broken" pancreas can result in insulin difficulties, a "broken" MIND can result in suicide. I believe that He does not hold suicide against a person. Just as a "broken" heart can eventually lead to heart failure, so a "broken" mind can eventually lead to suicide. It's not working right, and it's of no fault of the person. It's just the way of the world. And even though it's a CHOICE to die....the choice is made through a "broken" mind....and God would not deny that. You may not get as many awards in Heaven, but He will not deny that you are His child. No one can take that heritage away from me, and He will not refuse to admit the relationship. He loves me. And I'm "broken". It's not a perfect world.
One day I'll have a good heart-to-heart with Him....when my mind is no longer "broken". Oh, it will be so wonderful to feel whole.
Thanks for the church information. But I just want to distance myself. It's easier to just close my focus down to certain things. God understands. He knows.
Take care, Simus. You've been wonderful to me! Thanks for directing me towards this Board. It's been good to have a place to throw out thoughts as they emerged. I may not have appreciated all the interventions forced upon me (LOL!!), but it still was a place that I could unburden myself upon as needed. THANK YOU for being with me!!
God bless,
Sandra
poster:SandyWeb
thread:327575
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040517/msgs/349605.html