Posted by TexasChic on May 17, 2004, at 16:01:37
In reply to Re: I feel down today., posted by spoc on May 14, 2004, at 13:08:12
I just wanted to say I thougth alot about what you had to say about friendship this weekend. Especially about how you can have lots of things in common, and still not click. Also about how some people are more sensitive to things than others. Right now I'm trying really hard to tackle the self destructive habits I have. I'm still having trouble with getting upset when a friend talks about going somewhere and doesn't invite me. I know its a self esteem thing, but its one thing to know what you need to change, and another to actually do it.
As far as the other things in my life, I went to get my belongings out of my totaled car today. It was so sad. It was the first new car I've ever had. I picked it out myself. It just looked so sad sitting there. I cried a little bit.
I'm still feeling kind of down, but I'm taking it one step at a time.
> Texas, you have every reason to be down over all that, please don't even think about beating yourself up for feeling down! (Geez, how many times do we tell people to do things we can't do ourselves! But I personally do still need to hear it from others sometimes, I don't trust it coming from myself.)
>
> As far as the friendships, maybe in many cases some people are just built with a certain level of sensitivity to where they notice things that may have validity, but that many others don't, and neither is wrong. Kind of like being able to hear a dog whistle when no one else can (although I sure wish there had been a different animal in that cliche)! And, some more so than others will not hear it, and it just the way THEY are wired. Both people miss out on some things by having their particular type of awareness, and both benefit from it too at other times. Just not always the same times.
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> And it's probably often true that we tend to be drawn to the same kinds of people over and over in the first place, with whom the pattern and possibly outcome will often be the same. Until we can sort it all out and end up with people more compatible in emotions with us, and see that it isn't always us but rather the less suitable combinations we were trying. We can have so many of the same interests in common with someone, that we keep thinking that it is a relationship that should work on all levels, but key underlying differences between what we naturally see in situations can still prevent our outlooks from ever meshing as seamlessly as others seem to.
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> For example (and I know this is a "duh"), you miss your old friend and wish you could hit the winning rhythm with the other one, so you may now go on to "meet the same people over again" and try to get it right with them this time, where what you are really doing is trying to give yourself peace with the other situations. And, making that seem even bigger than it is, if you've been having problems for while now and not really getting out there and meeting many new people or being your real self with them, you'll have a smaller pool from which to draw possible winning combinations.
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> I know that I have *often* repeated the same patterns in who I meet and hang out with, and some intangible factor would cast recurring confusion on things, but looking back later I could see that no one was really wrong in many examples, just different in what they notice and feel.
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> Now as far as the rest of it, I won't even waste time saying "Try to think of problems as challenges/opportunities...." I'll just say, those *bite* and it's understandable that the onwards and upwards part might be delayed for awhile!
>
> ANYWAY!!! What are you doing today -- can you just escape and spend the day watching back to back movies at a theater, treat yourself?? :- )
poster:TexasChic
thread:346799
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040517/msgs/347893.html