Posted by daydreamer on January 28, 2004, at 11:28:47
In reply to Re: I think I need help, fast. » daydreamer, posted by cubic_me on January 28, 2004, at 5:33:06
Ive been suicidal off and on for the past 10 years- (maybe 7 times- total)
You know when youre heart starts to beat-- you become angry, scared...
It was beyond all those emotions. All I had was this broken cd. I kept trying ....pushing harder and harder- trying different pieces to see if any edge was sharper than the other...
Nothing was cutting through..
itd always break the skin- but never into the main veins.
I got desperate- using keys, edges of hard things....
I slammed my head into the window... grabbed a cig, cried, and calmed down.
Then all I could think about was my father..
then I realized I had to turn around right then and get help.Its like you blackout- with sweating- hysteria- anger- a need for pain-
What frightened me even more-- is that I wanted it to cut through so bad.... I wanted it so bad. Now I have a good 25 scars on my arms where I kept going over and over it, hoping itd eventually wear through.I havent been there in so long you know??
Ive been struggling with bipolar for a while..Its just, I thought all that was over..
poster:daydreamer
thread:306031
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040120/msgs/306434.html