Posted by zenhussy on January 3, 2004, at 21:05:11
In reply to Re: Zen? » zenhussy, posted by mair on January 3, 2004, at 11:43:41
>Hey are you still having some bad drug side effects? Any chance the drug stuff is contributing to your feeling that you're sinking?Please give us and update.
Thinking of you......
MairMair,
I'm sure the ongoing side effects are taking their toll on me. I didn't appreciate being told to 'ride it out' by the pdoc earlier in the week. It isn't as if they are the ones dropping everything or swinging their limbs into door frames or becoming more stupid by the day. They aren't having difficulty typing or spelling or speaking. Conversations with people are trying.
I guess I keep at this dose until I either go batty or feel more level and then get to move up again! Wheeeeeee. I swear this better living through chemistry thing is pushing the limits of my patience.
On the plus...for sinking and feeling so low I'm functioning in little bits here and there so I give an appearance of being 'okay'....anyway today I began coaching for the special olympics. So far I think it is just one weekend morning each week until tournament time (I have a LOT of reading to do next week when I recieve the official handbook and rules).
So I'm not curled up in a ball crying or catatonic like I have been before. I am crying a bunch but I'm worried about a friend and it hurts when someone you care deeply about is having a rough go of things. I get odd things done like digging a trench out and away from the drain pipe that drains the back yard. It was a fun half hour out in the pouring cold rain but necessary so that the back yard didn't flood any more than it already had. Have visited with my brother a few times in the past weeks which is nice as he is usually busy.
I feel disconnected as I type this. I'm doing 'things' but I'm not really into them so to speak. Does that make sense? Maybe the lamotrigine is making me apathetic like the ssris did. Dunno. And frankly not caring too much about it. Har.
I feel low and pained inside. Maybe the trauma stuff is close to the surface and that has me feeling defeated. I can't really explain the contradiction between how I feel and expressing that to others and what they report back to me about what they see and hear. Two entirely different things. I'm a bit freaked by that.
Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts. I'm hoping you are nicely wound down from the holidays and not beating yourself up too much over work things (hint hint---be nice to yourself hon).
Can this be the update for Shar and Fallsfall too? Sorry to tag y'all on to the end of my response to Mair but the reality of me typing out two more posts? Ain't gonna happen.
Thank you for thoughts. I'm not in the dark dark pit but the pit is throwing out search ropes that are occasionally dragging me close to jumping right back in. Maybe it is the meds? Most likely the meds and current work of therapy.
all I can come up with for now.
zh
poster:zenhussy
thread:294106
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031229/msgs/296149.html