Posted by Camille Dumont on December 29, 2003, at 16:23:38
In reply to Re: How do you escape this mental trap?, posted by Ilene on December 29, 2003, at 13:40:22
> Most people in our culture disapprove of suicide. Attitudes vary, esp. in non-Christian societies. (Romans were supposed to fall on their swords, for example rather than be dishonored.) You have to be somewhat iconoclastic to go against 2000 years of religion. (Or depressed.)
Thats true and it doesn't relly help that I'm totally non-religious ... in belief or action. In many oriental cultures, suicide is viewed as an acceptable mean or avoiding dishonor ... so I guess its only to be expected that our society would still be influenced by religiously-tainted ethics.
>
> Medical people are supposed to save lives, not take them.True enough.
> I'd hate to be patronized by people who claim they know what's good for me. My current pdoc thought she was going to "cure" me straight away. That was 2 years ago. I think she's stuck with me out of a deep sense of responsibility.Unfortunately thats how I feel about my current doctor ... he just doesn't seem to care.
> Just thinking about it is called "suicidal ideation". The pdocs and therapists get more nervous when you tell them you have a plan and the means to carry it out.
This is another strange paradox. I mean if someone IS suicidal and IS planning to do something, why on earth would they tell, given that, from what I understand, they can force you into the hosp.
Years of depression also do not help much as (at least for me) during my dark moods I've done research on methods and you end up finding that if you trully want to die, even the absence of obvious tools (i.e. knives, guns, pills, bridge) are unnecessary. Sometimes I wish I could remove that knowledge from my head.
>
> I find that years of depression has just worn me down. I don't want any more of the same. I'm supposed to add a new med today, then a full-fledged med change in a few weeks. I'm trying not to think about what's going to happen if it doesn't work.
>I can so relate to that and its not like I've had too many meds not work ... (3 as of now) and yet I just feel like giving up all the time ... makes me feel as though its not really worth it ... that I'd rather live with my sick-self than my half-sick-plus-meds self. But then again, after reading my psychiatric evaluation ... which turned out to be very instructive ... I found that apparently I have an avoidant personality ... so wanting to quit just might be me trying to deal with things the same way I've done in the past.
> Ilene
poster:Camille Dumont
thread:293866
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031229/msgs/294403.html