Posted by socialdeviantjeff on December 19, 2003, at 2:22:45
In reply to Re: Had a *BAD* crisis (WARNING-this is graphic) » socialdeviantjeff, posted by 8 Miles on December 18, 2003, at 19:43:27
Well, my cocktail is:
150 mg Effexor
300 mg Tegrtol
2 mg Perpenezine
I'm 25.I'm hypersensetive to meds and the doses are too low, trying to build up a tolerance to SE's over a few months.
Fortunately, my knuckle isn't broken, just really ugly. I spent a lot of time in martial arts years ago and they are still well developed contact points, for whatever that's worth. My dad didn't see me cutting (thank God). He saw me beat myself with the butt end of the handle. He never took it away. It would take a while to explain why that was appropriate. I haven't self injured since this one episode.
I rarely trigger so violently.. Usually I can quell the urge or at least inflict maximum pain with least damage. When I trigger bad, the alternatives (ice, candle wax etc.) are quite far from my mind.
My parents really are great people. It is frustrating that they don't understand. My dad did talk about them seeing a counsellor to learn how to better interface with me. He is scared of it ad my mom simply doesn't get it.
As far as counselors, It's a joke in Utah. They are too expensive or won't even talk to you wuthout an insurance card. I'm working on getting Medicaid. At least in the short term, therapy is not in the cards. I haven't told my Pdoc because I'm afraid of going to the hospital. He has done a lot already to keep me out. He is actually the Director of Inpatient Services. Considering my sensetivity and refraction to meds and the severity of my problems, hospitalization probably would be a while.
It sucks, I hate it, but that's life. I'm upset that after a small amount of progress, I backslide like this. I still feel like crap. But I'm working on it. I want a normal life and not live like this. I don't have a lot of optimism, but I'm trying to keep some faith that things will get better.
We're cool, Kara. No worries. I'm so glad I found this group. I hope someday I can pay the support Ive gotten back or forward on this board. All of you guys are really great.
poster:socialdeviantjeff
thread:291190
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031217/msgs/291532.html