Posted by Deafmom on November 11, 2003, at 17:08:59
In reply to Re: I'm a Multiple and I'm Losing My Life!, posted by horridmonster on November 11, 2003, at 13:17:27
What a wonderful post. Thank you for that encouragement. You are right pertaining to your first paragraph. I am stuck between two worlds. Deaf people don't accept me because I'm culturally hearing and hearing people don't accept me because they're scared of intimidated by the unknown. Plus, because I cannot lipread, if people can't sign (which most can't), most people are in a hurry and don't want to have to write things down. I always get the summary. I just don't want to be around people anymore. I'm always getting hurt.
I'm glad that you felt I expressed myself well. I am a freelance writer, but my mind's been so fried lately, I've done very little work. Mostly things like Survivorship newsletter and such. My husband has stuck with me. And believe me, plenty of people have told me how lucky I am to have a man stay with me after all I've put them through. Geez, you'd think I was an ogre. He's no saint, but I guess in perspective (deafness, three high risk pregnacies, two premature babies, shock treatments, 20 hospitalizations, psychosis, and now DID) I must look pretty bad. But I don't think anyone knows everything about what's happening with us. I surely don't advertise my mental problems. So that's even more sad when they say, "Wow, sure are lucky he stuck around."
The intimacy thing...well...I have an alter that "takes care" of that. But even then it's not a lot. I feel very sitant from everything right now and it's hard to feel so alone and then be expected to be lovey dovey that same evening.
I appreciated your post. Thanks. :o)
> dear deafmom - so much in your post hit me big >time - you are going through so much. One of >your experiences would be enough to floor most >people. It seems like perhaps your deafness occurred in your adult life (?) That you are probably NOT part of the oftentimes tightknit deaf community and yet you aren't hearing and so are not fuly part of the hearing community. That is a lot to deal with right there.
>
> What you wrote about being a multiple was so clear and well communicated - I know so very little about this and yet you gave me an idea of the hell that is your world and of your pain - do you write professionally?
>
> It sounds like your husband is staying with you through this? Have the two of you talked about the intamicy issue? Have you shown him your post?
>
> And bravo that you are getting out of the house to get to therapy. That is huge.
>
> my heart goes out to you. I don't often post - it scares me a bit - your post just really hit me - please keep writing - weather it's posts, or letters to your kids, or ....anything. You are not worthless - and you just touched at least one complete stranger. Thank you for your post.
> -Horrid Monster
poster:Deafmom
thread:278341
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031031/msgs/278692.html